Dear Blog,

Laggy internet.

Still remember the night during fieldcamp during bmt. Was doing guard with isaac. I was already writing then. Haven't stopped writing even till now. Time flies by like anything. The J1s whom i saw that went for orientation "not too long ago" have just finished their 1st year.

Went grandma's house just now. Haven't seen jeff and jon for a long time. Jon still looks as stoned as ever. Wondered how he will be like when he gets into army. By then i think i will have a few children already. Maybe by then army would have changed.

Lao ma was complaining how dirty my uniforms were. Can't help it that i've got no time to rinse it. Feels kind of bad.

I want to go out. But i don't want to go alone. It's meaningless. I want to share this peace with someone... but i have no idea where i want to go. Maybe i could go to the bridge where ariel and i cycled to sometime back... somewhere at seletar there... where i saw that day during boat package. It should be a nice place at night.

2 persons who were once so close could just end up not talking at all the next day. It just makes you think... how fragile and superficial things are. You just kind of end up with no answers to things. And each passing day makes memories blurer, and in the end, all the memories end up as still pictures which are more memorable. The definition of knowing someone and being friends has became so wide... it's almost not like a permanent kind of thing anymore. Who actually bothers to keep in contact? But... aiya i am contradictory. Why keep in contact when everyone's busy? As long as we remember each other then can already right?

So much so for the chevrons. It feels very very near already. All the shit we gone through... we could almost taste the results.

Surprisingly i haven't bathed yet. So used bathing late.

The way my coursemates handle and organise things bothers me sometimes. I don't know who is right or wrong, or maybe i am just different. And i believe they do get pissed by my "i think your plan's lousy" attitude. Because i am aware of that, i do get insecure about my actions and words. If i don't get that bother me too much, i will be able to speak more confidently. But there will be the group of people who purposely pull you down even if you are doing the right thing. How many leaders can actually stand confidently and speak with command and direct people having not to think what the people are thinking of him, or whether there is a better way to direct the people or the words he uses? The way he stands and the tone of his voice?

I think i am thinking too much.

Chris will be coming back next week. He misses a lot of things that was very enriching.

I miss playing with those guys. Omens Of Love still remains very clearly in my mind. Afterall it was only last year when we took part. My first and perhaps last one. But i realised my joy... something i truly enjoy in doing... playing orchestra pieces with a group of people... playing my part in creating a masterpiece. It's similar to being part of a cs team, or a vball team. So much for being a team person... when the only people i enjoy working with are capable people.

When we are younger, we don't miss so much about things. Already missing so many things at such a tender age, i fear for the future. But then i guess by that time i will feel too old for those things i miss.

Yours,
Lah