It's been a thought-provoking night. And i guess as people grow, their priorities change.

But i admit totally, i've been selfish and haven't thought about others. Well, my personality is as such and i believe in first loving yourself before you can love others. Yet, the more i think about it, i don't know why am i thinking of this as an excuse and that what was being argued or hurt about was merely a clash of personalities.

Lately i haven't been that ... nice, or outgoing or "big-hearted". I stopped giving lifts to people who are out of the way and i stopped giving treats, or doing small things that i know will make people happy. I can't really pinpoint the exact reason, but i believe it is due to several reasons.

Do you know that petrol prices have gone up by damn a lot? Is it 1.5 or 1.6 now? 60 bucks a week isn't cheap. But that's not the point, cos i choose to drive.

My mum's been talking to me about my sis' uni education, and indirectly mine. Going overseas isn't cheap either. I've got dreams to live for. I've got priorities in life. I got to think of the future.

I can't be the teenager boy who has tonnes of time to hang out with friends 24/7, nor do i feel good spending money i didn't earn. I am 22.

And more and more people around me have been bringing up their marriage plans. I don't know how much it costs, 50k? 80k? 100k? Do you and your parents have that kind of extra money?

I don't know why i brought up those topics at Starbucks, but i guess i got to think of the money i need to spend in the next 5-10 years. I don't know if you all had thought about it.

So why all this talk about money? Cos for me, i think a good education at least will sufficiently, statistically, provide me with a higher chance of landing a better paying job. Of course there are the other factors such as fate, luck, the people you know, etc. But right now as a student, i think i know my role.

Notice i've been turning down a lot of 'chilling' sessions lately. I even proclaimed to Bryant that chilling is a waste of time. Sure, if you asked me to chill after the exams, anytime, anyday when i am free, i will be there. Not 2 weeks before the exams.

I am the in-your-face kind of person. Or maybe i am like that when i've got too much on my hands. Why in-your-face? Cos it saves time and things are solved straight to the point. I think one disadvantage is that i often get misunderstood as shooting my mouth off. That's 2 entirely different matter. The latter is saying the wrong stuff, usually at the wrong time. Whereas the other, i would like to clarify, is just making decisions MORE PROMPTLY and in a more decisive manner.

We sat in the room, and even much more before that, deciding what's the plan. Once again, it's alright if i've got lots of time. But currently i don't. Notice it's the same as that night after Terence's birthday. We don't know what to do don't know where to go. And i am the driver. It's not easy you know.

I could just decide not to do anything after dinner and come home both times, and i don't feel that sad. Really. Cos there are much sadder things out there.

So. We checked the timings and some discussion later, still no decision made. And they said to leave the room and pick her up before deciding. Now i really hate that. Cos i can so predict stoning in the car not deciding anything again.

Hence i told them straight up what i think. I don't think this is so-called "not thinking about others' feelings". I just said that is the movie i want to watch and if we are watching the other one, i don't feel like waiting until 950pm. Unless she is coming then alright i will go.

But i know she won't. For God's sake, it's her birthday. I thought we are gathering for her birthday? So what now, we finished celebrating and we 4 can go happy hour ourselves? Anyway a sidenote to ML: stop thinking or feeling bad that you made me/us come out. Trust me, I don't do things against my own wishes. I do them happily and willingly. =)

So, in layman's terms, i just "told them what i wanted". IF these things had hurt you, there are much worse things out there. Maybe i've been too immersed in the camps culture that i do, that you got to be strong emotionally.

I admit, i often think of how people would think if I am them, and indirectly link these "my-behaviours" to them. Since he had watched the movie, and we haven't, and we all wanted to, then why not we just go and watch it ourselves? If i am him, i would urge all of you to go watch. I am totally fine with all of you going out and having a whale of a time without me, because ... i don't know why. I just thought that's the right thing to do?

I mean, it's a movie i've watched, and all of you haven't and want to, then by all means go ahead and watch. I won't feel sad and insist on watching something else. Haha okay maybe not when it's meant to be an outing in the holidays la. It's at busy times like these when i know i can come home and study.

Maybe it's really a different form of lifestyle. I've got a real life example in my sister of a mugger. I don't study 1/10 as hard as her. But why don't i? Why can't i?

Grades matter hell lot to me you know? I NEED to pull up my CAP if not i can kiss my honours goodbye. I am in a field where i should go for postgrad studies. I don't know about you all.

Okay i realised that the changes might be too big. But well Geminis are unpredictable mah. I am not the study consistently throughout the sem kind. I am the "ok it's 3 weeks to exams, time to turn it on fullspeed". And it was i did. I woke up before 9 every single day to go to school to mug. And if you all know, i've had fatigue problems during the start of the sem, probably due to the super-slack lifestyle in melb. =p But when i set my mind to do something, i will do it dutifully.

Ah well... if this is too hurtful, learn to ignore.

I am like that. Straight up in your face. =)