I woke up at 2 plus today. Mum and sis were not at home. Don't know where they had gone to. Its 2004 already. Dennis came yesterday to meet us. He got a very nice round head. There's something stuck down there... at the spot where ur chest is... but it is nearer to the heart. It is like drubbing... like a motor... sometimes more felt... sometimes lesser... but its making me uncomfortable. I've thought about lots of things. So many things. Life gets so boring and draggy when you just wake up, eat, sleep, face your problems, eat, slp, wake up and found yourself with burdens and problems. You just start thinking why are you living for so long. You just wonder why humans must live for 70 odd years. I've lose hope in some people when i expect too much from them. Not only that, when they disappoint me, it just proves i am not good enough. And no one is caring about me.

You know why? I don't know why. Maybe because i am a full of shit guy. I am there just for the sake of it. No one notices when i am not around. I just provide extra entertainment. Perhaps it could be that i am tired of who i am. I should just change to someone else. Someone whom i was long time ago. I wasn't quite similar. I fought then... i stole... i even thought out plans on how to cheat. I am so sissy now. I think i realised my mistakes. But that sure came with lots of other problems.

You know what i will say? i will say fuck to the world. Because i am tired. I expect too much. I expect to fly. I expect this i expect that. But the expectations are not fulfilled. A perfectionist cannot afford to be discouraged. He will die and he will just die again. I am a lazy prick. Why do i need to look for a job? Because i need to waste time. How much am i worth a person manz? I only know how to sleep.

Who am i to tell when i am problems? The person whom i am supposed to share my problems with is my problem. How can i share my problem with the problem itself? Especially when the problem doesn't want to be solved. I bought a mcpepper meal yesterday and i realised how much i love the pepper taste. But my throat has not been good lately. I am very selfish also. I expect to get back what i give. I cannot give without expecting something back. If i give willingly, you make sure you give back something willingly also, and not for the sake of it.

I can be your best friend. I can be anyone's best friend. Or rather i should say that was in the past. Now these "best friends" disappoint me that i can't confirm i can be your best friend. I am really tired. Haha... oh well... all i can say is that relationships are tiring affairs. Relationships with your parents can be tiring, relationships with your friends can be tiring too. All these ties... i don't quite like... but I CANNOT DO WITHOUT. WTF. Oh how ironnnnnnnnic. How old actually am i?? I don't know. Does an 18 year old think like that?

So how do i actually sound here? Do i sound comical? I hope i don't because i want to sound depressed. But has anyone heard of me being depressed? If i succeed then good la... tell me hor then at least i will be happy. I miss Hongkong a lot. There's porn everywhere over there. Sorry i digress. But i think porn is something very exciting. Don't you think so? But porn is bad.

How i wish i am in NS now. Hair shaved and everything. Maybe in delta since dennis said it is good. Pray hard i don't get into foxtrot. How i wish i've also got my licence now. I hate hassle. I hate people who create more hassle. I hate having need to sleep. Why can't i go on and on non stop? Why can't i jump on a policeman's back? Why is our society so competitive? Why is it so conservative? Why can't we fuck around?

Why am i not rich? That day the teacher asked me what is my dream car. I said any normal kind will do. Oh do you know that a car has 6 wheels? 4 on the ground with 1 spare one and 1 steering wheel. Cool right? I thought only buses have 6 wheels. I haven't had any really exciting thing lately, except trying to fuck someone. Haha... i am such a gemini.

Do you people know what is a gemini? A gemini is me. A gemini talks about many things at the same time. A gemini cannot focus on a single thing for a long time. A gemini writes in many short paragraphs. A gemini needs variety in life. It was once said, if you have a relationship with a gemini and its successful, you can have a relationship with any other horoscope. Hard to believe right? But i think it is true. Then that means that if both sides are geminis, it will be a win win situation if it is successful.

Some people can get quite stupid. It just leaves me speechless or laughing really loudly. I was stupid just now too. I landed at where it would be perfect for him to bunge me. And i just shouted "OH SHIT". SARS is back... it is so scary... i wonder how it will be like if i get SARS. Maybe it can be a way to test my immune system and my determination. From today onwards i have to use adult fare for public transport. I am tired already. I just been to Guangzhou leh... got SARS there.

Minsi just called. She's a very funny girl. I want to eat ramen.