I haven't touched that for a couple of days already. I just lost the motivation to finish it. It's one whole big patch of uncomplete work, one big unfinished business, one big muddle of love.

Guess what, i went for my uncle's tea ceremony just now at a restaurant. They had karaoke there and everyone was picking songs to sing. All the hokkien and chinese and english songs. And i just realised how so many chinese songs that are quite old translate many of my moods. A chinese song definitely tells more than an english song. So many of them. But i can't even think of one now. If my chinese has been better, i would have tried writing chinese songs.

I neglected my reply last night to someone. Sorry about that. I just felt that you neglected me too. But until just now when i read what you wrote, i guess you are feeling as much the same thing as i do.

When things got too close, it becomes awkward to tell the closest things. I can't help it but i don't want it that way. I want things how they were. But it's hard. Really. Difficult. Sorry. Don't know what i am saying anyway.

When i expect more, i always get disappointed. Why should i try so hard? Why should i "force" things? I wasn't like that. I just hate being alone. Hate being lonely.

Yesterday's Vday was fine.

Saw about 20 odd people that i know of. Including those that i went out with. Haha... kenneth said those don't count. And that the facils count as one. Don't care. =p

Vince, koklong, ken and me will make a fine cs team. But i think i am the lousiest because i can't snipe.

Some things can't be said directly to people because we all got our own pride and shyness and whatever awkwardness. We just got to keep them guessing and stuff and hope they guess it right.

Hp number...

Who was the one that i told my problems first to?

I was in his shoes before. All i wanted to do was to lessen his pain. All i wanted to be was a friend to him just like how i needed someone there.

Saw cindy yesterday also... and shimon and howe...

The way you treat him, his words and actions... is exactly the way i treat whatever you say and do.

Borrowed "My Love Patzzi"(hong dou nue zhi nian) from connie...

Cousin's gf(my cousin's mum introduced her as her future daughter-in-law) came to the tea ceremony just now... its... it left me hopeful, sad, impressed, curious, happy, and a lot more... left me thinking also...

Yesterday out in town left me feeling a lot too.

Passed my FTT. Now for the actual thing.

Found the paper for my IC. =)

How much can i move on? Isn't it better not to move on? Isn't it better without anymore trouble? Isn't it better not creating problems for people around me? Isn't it better if i don't create headaches for others? Isn't it better if it doesn't jeopardize all my relationships?

Experiencing something as true as that was enough for me. It was enough. It made me felt complete. And it shows how good it had been. If something similar is to happen, it has to be better than that... and that would... i guess... be my dream. Vincent said what if after a long long long time i still can't find that dream. Then i will just go on finding. I won't settle for less. Because they would be imcomparable.

Who did i call that night? You... are... my... dream...