"My father lived in a kind of terror of losing his mind. Through his mindful, constant effort of will and talent he had been able to keep his mother's tragic death from drowning him in depression.

But he had to fight against the deep down current every day.

My father had developed his powerful version of denial of his constant pain: first through his writing, which became more and more optimistic and entertaining as he deliberately found more enjoyable subjects than the terrible truth and searing hurt of those traumatic early memories. Then he also escaped through his embrace of a larger public role as an articulate celebrity known for his ability to amuse."

-Michael Gill


Everyone faces emotional negativities every now and then in their lives. Some came upon events of large magnitude of impact, and some people never got out of it. Some people got permanently scarred, and yet never learnt. Some people learnt and then moved on. Some people never give up and just paced back and forth.

Certain people with very strong mental strength can often create very powerful images and beliefs of things in themselves. If these are positive, they are extremely beneficial. At the same time, if it's a powerful version of denial, something which i am unfamiliar with, i believe it's a double-edged sword.

One's belief of denial can be so strong that it creates an entirely new set of beliefs. Yes it can be unrealistic and idealistic, but it can also save a life. If his Dad didn't stay in that state of denial, he would probably have committed suicide. Yes he was miserable, but he was at least coping, and living.

I will take these next few weeks and months to feel and learn as much as I possibly could, and as much as possible in a neutral state of mind. Only when I am able to achieve that then I would be able to see everything around me clearly, knowing exactly what my feelings and what my thoughts meant.