sometimes its juz different....the feeling although is there....u know...the hoping and waiting....but i know its not possible....really....when someone else is feeling hurt and disappointed and sad....its really hard for me to feel happy when i am suppose to....unless....hmmz....unless....its done discreetly....but den it will be only for fun.....so.....the actual thing isnt there anymore....the 'TOTAL' thing isnt tat way....it juz gotta make the whole thing seem normal....but is isnt now....u know...i mean although i thot mebbe its possible frm the start....was juz hoping and all the stuff...den i knew uh huh...no....but really feel great....but still needa get rid of the feeling...dunno wad to say lahz.....cos mebbe i think too much...the thots all came in a rush....den need lotsa time to organise them....mind-jammed when i wanna say sth....scare's the word...mebbe not...juz unsure.....i hope things wouldnt be this way...its kinda hard to do things...but after tonite...and juz now...i think its getting better....but i am not sure...may haf turn worse.....cos i am unsure of things......

i really dunno!!!!!!!!!!!!..............................................................so many things......so many hopes and wishes.........................dun bother liao.....but even if i say tat....i will...............................................

the whole thing....tok bout it wif yf....haha..tat was quite long ago....but den i believe if i dun tell....he will be blurer than an asshole now....abel's chalet....haha....hmmz...freddie and stuff.....nic sudden thing....lots of things happen in between....den nic and ber....i think i took the chance loh....to sort of 'slip away' or mebbe to 'join in'...dunno lahz....mebbe its not the case....its juz tat i DUNCH KNOW wad i am doing....rash u may say....at most i take the blame lah...for any destructive things i haf done..but i like the current situation rite now....although its bad....at least its not the worst.....den still more things in between....u shld know...its kinda a nice feeling to think of the past and its happenings.....

to eunice: i think u mention sumthing bout ur frens....uh huh....being good for short terms....but i believe they are all doing it for fun and are all wary of the things tta are going on....the consequnces and all tat stuff...but i think u take it too seriously loh....when its meant to be short term....they are meant to be flings and for fun mainly....not taken seriously....only for both sides to be happy for the period of time....i think u shld know wad i am trying to say.......

ong bu...u tok cock a lot....