Maybe it is a sign to come. Or perhaps as what Meiling said, take it as a blessing in disguise.

I am never one to doubt my ability. I believe i can achieve my goals if i push myself. So much for being an English Literature student, my confidence in my English language has hit rock bottom. After what happened during A Levels GP and QET, i think maybe i won't be able to write a good piece of essay anymore.

Maybe my awareness for the things around me has unknowingly affected my mentality towards how i write.

Or just maybe, my thoughts don't form properly anymore because i see things as how they are, and acceptance of their meanings and consequences result in me lacking in the "thought-processing" department.

Friends have told me to pick myself up and get along with life. Hah. Don't i know that already? Don't i know all the "When life gets shaky what must you do?", or "Focus on your outcome?".

Well... it is definitely affecting me. But somehow i think the big guy up there sends occasional messages to people in distress. Pick up "The Effective Student" book to read this morning and it kept on stressing on maintaining a positive outlook towards results and life. Only that way then we are able to achieve our goals.

And i was looking at rubber ducky's nick and i thought of all the promises we have said. How i wish that she's here because i really need the support. But in another way i saw it as a test. A test of character. Determination, courage, independence, you name it.

I need to get over this. Or maybe i am just stressing myself out unnecessary.

Oh boy... ok... since this matters hell lot to me, and i ain't going to be someone who is going to sit and whine, i just got to pick myself up and start walking. As long as i do my best, it won't be too hard i guess.

Bidding has started. Why am i thinking of ways to beat other people? Why am i thinking of ways to beat the system? Such a rebel. Or maybe i am just a kiasu.