Dear Blog,

Had a nice encouraging talk with Gary. But it all feels so weird and fake. I mean if i can then can la. If can't then can't la. Why am i pushing it so hard? Don't want to care. Just want to be myself. If i am not garang, then i shouldn't wayang. But i am garang.

Anyway, Dad bought a tv for me. Shocked. Because it is a good tv. Planning to buy a PS2 to go with it. So every weekend when i book out i will have stuff to do. So the phone can wait for awhile.

My platoon doesn't have many dumbwits. A few blur ones here and there. But there are definitely arrogant ones. Don't quite like them. But what can i do? I don't gossip about them. I don't want to challenge them. So i keep quiet. My section is curbing my personality. CK said it too. It sucks. Indeed it does. I am not allowed to be who i am. It would have been good if i am in any of the other sections. But fate leads me there... and yeah... i will accept that.

Ever since that night, Song has kept on telling me to forget her. We talk a lot. I don't know why. We will just talk. I feel comfortable with him. Shitting side by side, he will tell me he misses his ex. And i will tell him to forget her la. During training, when i stone, he will tell me to stop thinking of her. Haha... i really don't think of her anymore. But he's fun. We have lots of things to share. Slowly la i guess... as time goes by... That night he was so worried i will whack *** up. Haha... i don't whack people up la. He is in a confused state still. So long already. And furthermore there's someone better already waiting for him. Ah well... i think we will go a long way...

I've became numbed on that issue. Haven't had my one last cry yet. Don't think it is possible for me to have it also. Can't leave it all behind. Still keeping it all inside. Want to give it all up, but when the time comes, i put on a stronger front. My real emotions do not want to come out. I think it will stay with me... not forever... until i am ready... i don't know when i will be ready... but i will be... maybe even now i am ready... but i just need that someone to spark it off...

What is a rebound? Song and me talked about that but i can't really remember clearly about what we said now. What happens when a rebound isn't a rebound but a real liking? Can't a person like another after a breakup? Can it not be considered a rebound?

FHM is treated like treasured items in camp. Better ones like loaded are treated like playboy. Imagine if someone brings playboy in.

Yours,
Lah