I often look at my friends tweets or blog posts and feel a lot of emotions from them. They are often in CAPS or with lots of exclamation marks and vulgarities.

I hate to do it here. Sorry i need an outlet.

FUCK! KNN la this thing has been bothering me for like so super long and honestly i am in no mood to study. i snapped at my mum just now and i have no idea why. i am stressed because i haven't been studying and i don't have much time. i know. a lot of things are due to my own fault and my own fucking stupid expectations.

ok the letter finally came. i didn't make it. i don't understand and i will never understand. sure i underperformed on that day. i screw it up. but don't tell me i've not been selected because it hurts like shit.

travel plans didn't materialise. so nvm. but aiya i ain't gonna talk about this.

but mum came in and tell me about this danger that danger with this and that. i know she meant well. i know she does. i love you mum. and i was wrong to sound hostile. but seriously, i am on a short fuse now.

lasik. another thing. nvm. fine since they said i should get someone to send me home after surgery so i ain't gonna do it this sat. the impulsive me is swearing at me but the heck-it me just says heck it.

honestly the normal me would have thought all of these as trivial and extremely childish. but sorry i am in a childish mood. i am in a fucking immature state right now and i swear i am sinking deeper.

i cant take it that this aftnoon we met to do up the masks not with any goals in sight and just doing so that we can see an end to it ... because of our own commitments, we couldn't carry on with it. i am sad because it seems as though we are giving up without a fight.

imagine scoring highest for presentation is one of the more positive things these weeks .. when i shldnt really be bothering about this because there are enough positive things to go around.

maybe i will never understand. so be it. and honestly. i hate to take my parents' money and go on holidays. i should just stay at home after exams and not go anywhere or do anything. look for a job ASAP and be self-sufficient. why the hell does my happiness mean so much to them when i don't feel good about it at all. i don't want to be fed anymore.

if i go on. i will just do stupid things. time out now. think things through.