Dear Blog,

SOCE. First week over. Was grumbling to zihao(my buddy, from delta platoon 3 and sispec charlie also...) and chris that they should just give me a M16 and 6 men... but after thurs and fri... things aren't that bad. Learnt all about demolition this week. Improvised explosives are fun. SGTs are great... my sect comm is from cathigh and cj... meaning my direct senior... super cool guy... and sgt yikai is proving to be one of the best instructors around... saw him at bugis yest when the bslc guys met up for steamboat...

The 2IC, warrant Ow is great too. Super welfare. Things are totally different in SOCE as compared to Sispec. We've got say now. And we are treated with more respect now. SGTs are more like friends who happen to know a lot more things than us, so that they can teach us. OC is a very lame guy. Really. And can see the difference between an educated man, him, and our dear OC from Sispec charlie. No more WHAT.... for who charlie... and what we owe you we will pay you back... no more of all that... anyway... saw Sanep's lookalike... 20 years younger... it was damn funny...

Cookhouse's food is great. It's like a footcourt. Canteen looks promising. Bad thing about SOCE is that we are living on the 6th floor. Highest level. Lots of flights of stairs... though there is the lift for the appointment holders. But mine was over... got to wait till the 5th week to be the sect comm. Lectures on thurs almost killed us. 8 hours? Sch seems so much easier. But practical was fun. But the usage of blacktape in SOCE is something that should be recorded down in the world records... everything needs blacktape... okie not everything... but for explosives we need tonnes of blacktape... luckily they will provide us FOC...

Boon Hua's in the camp too. SAF Band. His place is called the white house cos its all white and located at the top of a small knoll. Looks quite grand at night. Oh and we all have this purple trainee pass which make us look more prominent... but if we lose it... 50 bucks and 3 confinements...

Bunk mates... zihao's my buddy... great to see his name next to mine... chris is in the same section but different bunk... terry's in section 3... oh ya... if i put all the numbers together... i will be Platoon 2 Section 2 Bunk 2 Bed 2... haha can buy 4D le... but surely will come out lor... 4 cathigh guys in my bunk... quite unbelievable... me, jerome, hongchuan and winston... but platoon 2 is flooded with sispec foxtrot guys... so me, terry, zihao and chris kind of stick to each other most of the time...

SGTs say the honeymoon period of us is ending soon. Pray for me.

Zouk last night was good. Crowd was plentiful. Saw hell lot of people that i know of. Then that guy whom i work with for CO's night got into OCS. Haiz... shouldn't think about it. Think the few of us talked enough about Warrant Yip in camp already. Didn't see some people whom i thought will be there.

Got to book in tonight. Sian.

Have fun people.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Came to the end of BSLC. Officially a CPL. The 32km Graduation March was tough, but i got through it. Reached Coy line, with a very strange feeling. Almost had an emotional outburst. Never felt so much before. Was on the bus watching the badminton finals when Hidayat won. He burst into tears. That was how i felt then... i swear if i let it all go... haha... it wouldn't be good... but... it was a sense of achievement definitely.

2 blisters. Legs aching. Went for Graduation Parade with FBO. Worst thing is they took a long time. 2nd worst thing was when you are shagged, you don't quite care about things. When they formed up, 2nd row ended up with one extra guy, meaning if correctly formed up, there should be one extra file. But Sch Best gave pandankerhadapan already. So the few guys there and me were trying to figure out what to do, but in the end decided that the best is to just not move at all. Warrant Felix forgot that platoon 1 has a lot more people than the rest of the platoons, and so he missed out 5 guys standing in the 2nd and 3rd row. So Warrant Kumar helped me put on my rank.

Went for special breakfast... then while sitting there... looked across the table and saw all the faces that went through all the shit with me for the past 10 weeks. Fellow soldiers whom kena everything single shit in BSLC, trainees whom grown and learnt alongside me... they've been great friends.

The postings rumours had started a few days back. I bet it was the same in every coy but in charlie, it is like some paparazzi room... all the statistics about the different support arms and ASLC... and the gossips about who is going who... haha... really funny to see all the shock faces when people play pranks about the postings... then somemore got people with friends working in HQ... so... haha... quite amusing to see guys getting so kancheong over their postings... really like postings during O levels sia... yeah anyway... posted to School Of Combat Engineers(SOCE), Nee Soon camp...

Lots of mixed feelings about it... because i had the final interview with PC... and boy it was a long one... we talked as if we knew each other for years... haha no la just kidding... but found out lots of stuff from him... don't know i should feel ego-boosting or disappointed that if i had tried, i would have achieved a lot more. PC said..."I am not saying that you only got yourself to blame..." but once he said that... in my mind i just said to myself "I only got myself to blame..." I will remember this sentence for the rest of my life...

It's true... they gave me a lot of chance... Sect Comm... LPS... LSM... Then again sect comm during one of the major exercises, Nutcracker... and i screwed the last one up. That was the deciding one... I have every reason to do well for that one, but i didn't... i simply bochup... and whom am i to blame, except myself... The peer appraisal shows where i stand... and my grade isn't that bad... considering that i don't study for tests... It's all me... to put it simply... Well... before i went into sispec... i said i will pia... but after i went in... all that was in my mind was just to get the 3 stripes and fuck off from there...

Haiz... seldom regret for things that had already happened... if only... during the nutcracker... that was the crucial one, when PC's eyes were on me... oh well... he said it true... i was going on up and up until the 5th week, when i went all the way down...... that was when Deneng started to bloom... PC called him a latebloomer... if he had pia earlier on... he would definitely had crossover...

Yeah and the 5 names i mentioned before... it was quite obvious from the start... only JZ got through?? I think it's crap cos he isn't outstanding... perhaps the only thing i can say is because he took his chance... then so happen to become platoon best... from there talk cock a bit and end up being coy best... but he's capable la... hope he gets into OCS... too bad KX didnt pass the security clearance... cos he is OCS material... always have been since BMT... posting him to guard the airbase is a waste of talent... anyone can do that... oh coming to this, i must say that the way the posting is done is the lousiest i ever seen. It is done randomly. I repeat. RANDOMLY. I am seeing capable leaders making their way to RP and signals when they should be up there among the best doing the commanding. They should be the ones in OCS and ASLC.

Reported sick on Tues. Went back BMTC. Saw Gary Chen there. Had a long talk with him and my opinions of ASLC totally changed. Wanted to go ASLC, mainly... because it's fun. Combat engineer sounds not so me. It sounds so science. It sounds too practical. Oh well... we shall see... one good thing is it's damn near my house and hopefully the hazard pay...

Li Jiawei's match now. Hope the best for her. Get Spore a Bronze manz.

Feels kind of funny. The transition phase from BMTC to Sispec wasn't so bad because many from Delta platoon 3 went to Sispec as well. I had so many friends there with me. BSLC wasn't so tough because i had them with me. But now... yes i know Terry and Chris are with me... but we might not get into the same section. I hate having need to go through the compulsory process of making new friends again. It's tiring. I've got enough friends. Too many to handle is stressful.

Think that's about it for this post.

The song by Ocean Ou De Yang - Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu, kind of came out at a weird time, but it's a very nice song.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Rushing for time... again...

Basically into my last week of BSLC. Everything is going on well.

Take care and have fun.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Looking back at things, realised how time has flew. Went through so much ever since i stepped into Sispec. Learnt a lot, aged a lot more. Actually decided to type out a really long entry on everything, because every now and then, i do think about what i want to type here whenever i went through training. Comments on Sergeants, on my dear PC and the various exercises. Don't know leh... now not in the mood.

Ok la... shall see what i can remember...

Sergeants...
People we see everyday. People who create trouble for us everyday. People whom we scold under our breath everyday. But sometimes i pity these poor souls. Many of them are as old as me, my dear section instructor, Thomas Lim Wei Kiat, just had his 19th bday last sunday. They had to go through all this same shit everyday for the next few years, and maybe this is the path they choose for themselves, though i am sure many got no choice, like Sgt Heng because of his shotgun marriage and Sgt Soong because of his idiotness. They try their best to protect us at times, and sometimes we piss them off so badly yet they still take it all in. They try to help us cover our asses but we take them for granted. We never see them working their asses off while trying to plan our training activities. We never see them kena tekan by PC for the various mistakes they made. I still remember when i first went in, i didn't bring my ID Tag, and i went to look for Sgt Thomas for help. At that time my first impression of him was that he is very nice. Yes that is true. He is very very nice. That was why i went to look for him, and... i'm ashamed of saying this now... but yeah... he covered my ass... and now i still treat him like that... i ought to give him a bit more respect i know... but haiz... nvm... i shall give him all the respect i can give for the next 2 weeks... but then, now come to think of it... he has became more unreasonable... don't know la... but i shall try my best...

PC...
Haha... this guy is a garung soldier. Born with the blood of a commando in him. Always on alert. Always so soldiery. Not surprised he divorced with his wife. Don't think he can stand the "real world". Always talking to us about living in the real world, and not in the fantasy world. But the thing to us is... the real world is one of comfort and not of war, and for him the real world is one where is war and sufferings... so you can kind of guess that most of us don't quite match his standards... His personal quote: "Fear is not a factor, stupidity is." I had ran-ins with in a couple of time. It isn't good to face him face to face. He has this look in his eyes that will suck out all your courage.

PWO...
He is this guy that looks like an owl. Really... he looks exactly like one. He has super dark eyerings with big eyes. A hooked nose and a mouth that looks like a beak. His ears stuck out both ways on top and below and his hair sticks up on both ends. He is fat and... he is just comical. When you look at him, and when he is just normal, meaning not angry or what, you will just find him damn hilarious to look at. He is a good guy too. Always help us to cover our asses. Maybe it is because of the way he looks when he is mad(he really gets damn scary when he is angry), that few of us approach him regarding problems. That was why he was asking us why we look for PC instead of him regarding guard duty. Then he said he doesn't like it to be the last one to know. When he said that, i instantly know that he is someone that we can all have a good discussion with.

Exercise Grandslam.
Did guard duty the previous day so was quite tired when it started. Supposedly the finale. Set up harbouring base. Did the comms line, perimeter fence and stuff. Actually very lethargic, don't feel like moving around, but Dennis was the sect comm and i know how hard it is to be the sect comm since i was one during nutcracker. There were drills in the aftnoon but luckily i wasn't part of the team. Became the enemy. Paired up with Songbin. He borrowed a cig from Neng then i thought he wants to smoke it. Later only know that rubbing the leaves in the cig on your eyes can cause sore eyes. But his plan didn't work and he didn't get send back. In the end, he finished the whole exercise with me. Haha... Somemore at the end he became the platoon medic. Then after the drills, went back, slack around, combat ration for meals...

Then night was hell... because we had to have 1/3 alert. Meaning for every 3 men, 1 has to be on guard. But the thing is everyone of us is shagged. It's very hard to stay awake in the middle of the night for 2 hours straight. So basically we got out schedule worked out. Luckily we don't have to prone and do the guarding, else everyone confirm fall asleep. PC asked us to sit and do but it wasn't a very good idea you see, cos sitting also can sleep. Then PC did his "I'm everywhere, don't think i can't see you." He detoured out of the harbour base, went to the appex and walked in calm like don't know what. Next thing we all sleepy heads knew was he yelling away telling us to everything on and falling in. Later found out, our dear Chee Wee has fallen asleep while on duty with his helmet off and snoring like the tonner's engine.

Thing is, when night comes, the the light goes out, you can't see much things. Especially in the forest. You don't know where there might be this extra big spider(i kena once lor... with the whole big sticky web in my face and helmet) And when you can see things, your movement became much slower. I hate moving around at night. Okie basically i hate it when there's no light. It's the same with Nutcracker when you walk around and you fear falling into any of the trenches. PC gave us all a scolding and we thought we are going to move site in the middle of the night but luckily don't need. Told to go back to our original spots and people doing guard is not allowed to sit down so must stand up. Standing up had a few people swaying here and there. Me included.

Anyway morning came soon. Found out i got selected for the Recce team. Team of 5 men. Me, Faisal, Marvin, Neng as 2IC and Jingzhong as IC. Supposedly people that PC could trust. Haha but i am sure after the recce that we done, he couldn't trust us anymore. Jingzhong happily forgot to do NDS, oh yeah... he's platoon best. Shall comment on that later. Yeah so went for recce in the aftnoon. Damn tired job. OC came along, made a hell lot of comments, "Oh i won't interfere with what you guys are doing, carry on with what you've planned..." and then soon later..."How do you think you can navigate without a compass or an NDS??" and "Why aren't your weapons loaded??" Well okie i must say is our mistake also. If it is a real mission, if we are contacted, we should have rounds in our rifles to engage the enemies. But hey we are all too shagged and this is afterall a simple exercise. Then PC also said that we are to prevent any sort of contact with anyone. Walked maybe 5 km?? Told to get back to camp by 6. At 530 we were just opposite the enemy's base. Fast march all the way back. Got back just in time. But by that time the damage was done. OC complained to PC. So basically we were all fucked. But PC didn't say anything much. And guess what, the whole of section 2(my section) minus Dennis and Xian(cos they were the enemies for day 2) was selected as enemies for the platoon deliberate attack, which was where the recce team went. So section 2 had the whole aftnoon till next morn to rest and do nothing. Came back shagged like hell... then maybe it was good that section 2 didnt need to join in the attack. There was no Sect Comm to bug us. Only the 4 of us in our little corner in the night. No one came to check. We just basically talk and talk. Very nice feeling. Rarely get a chance like this outfield. Then after that slept for awhile before i woke up at 12. Went to pee. Lost my way. Haha... yeah... cos when you wake up and you haven't had enough sleep, you will be stoned like hell. But luckily i heard Xian talking to don't know who. Found my way back. Woke Neng up. Both of us made our way to HQ. Did the Selum/Serum(dunno how to spell) straws. Set off at 230 in the morn to lay the straws for the platoon to follow for the attack.

Reached there at 4 plus. Slept a bit before everyone else came at 5 plus. Made our way slowly up the hill. Neng and me supposed to lead but we never went inside before but we were supposed to, so Neng came up with his cock story that he got a bit confused because its very dark... haha... almost laughed out when i heard it. Then PC led us. Crept in. Breeched the wire obstacles and it was all hell from there. Totally war. Don't know how many thunderflashes were thrown. Don't know how many smoke grenades were thrown. Me and Neng, the recce team(cos the rest joined up with their sections already) stayed at the back with the reserve force. Pity la, else the fire fight would be damn shiok. Did all the fire movement and nonsense then orange. Then breakfast.

What happened after that was even more shiok. Apparently the enemy escaped so we had to pursue them. Went to the rocky hills area there. Section 2 was the point section meaning we are leading the whole platoon. Chiong in, and i don't know happened. Yes we did take our cover, but because another coy was there, so it was chaotic. Before we know it, PWO declared 4 of my section guys dead. Then PC was stressed like hell, aiya everything was crazy then la, all the sections were everywhere. Then PC pulled section 2 back. Regrouped, and we set out again. Luckily in the end we won. But it was lousy la. Our enemy was section 3 and i think our casulties were around 2 sections size.

Went back Coy line after that. Never felt better manz. Bunk is always the best. Had COC and AOC the next few days. Reminded me of the Sec 2 camp and OBS that i had. All the high ropes, cargo nets, flying fox, high wall, canvas jump. Really shiok. Could do all these for weeks.

Section Live Firing.
Appointed Section Commander. Warrant Robin said that day during the briefing," You sect comms better do a good job, afterall you guys are either the top 5 or top 10 in the platoon" Boosted my ego a bit. ...... hmmm... typed till this part realised that i've grown from a soldier who can't give a proper FCO and who can't lead my men to one that makes decisions on the situation and effectively command my men on how to handle enemies. Woke up at 445 that Sunday morning. Everyone was grunting la... but at the same time everyone was glad that this long long week was going to come to an end. Took fastcraft back to mainland then bus all the way to NTU. Was shocked to wake up and find myself at the NIE's library. Was even more shocked when the bus stopped and the sgts alighted. Was thinking what the hell are we doing there. Then we crossed the road, walked next to this canal and bashed through this opening of a bush and we ended up at a track. No one will freaking know that track exist unless he steps foot on it. NIE is just right next to it. Was Detail 11. My rifle butt number also 11. Went through rehearsals then was the 1st detail in course 2 to shoot for the day shoot. Everything went well. Given 60 rounds. Got score of 53 but cos the target board for my lane is like the largest lor. Think it's the highest in the course. Anyway my detail got the highest score. But then cos we were the 1st and after that the details didn't have much time. However the scores at course 1 are so much higher so nothing to be proud of. Whole aftnoon nothing. Luckily i brought the book that i wanted to read during guard duty there. Glad that i finished it. Night shoot same. Had the chance to use a pengun. Shot the pen flare. Quite shiok. We were all saying preview for National Day. Went back at 12. Reached SFT at 1 plus. Got back at bunk at 2. Cleaned rifle. Didn't sleep. Fall in at 445 for breakfast. Booked out.

Yup... basically that's all...

Came home... slept till 2 plus before the guys came. Was stoned like hell. Mahjong. Macs.

Then yesterday. Beach road. Went lavender first. Then Chris came to pick me up. Its good to be able to drive la. Sewed our ranks. Oh ya... yest was crazy... went everywhere in the west of spore... then jeff came... then drove to jurong east... met xian, terry and delai... actually chris need to return car... but then dun need le, so he came back, picked us all go chevrons. Reached there got refreshments, tour, then dinner. Quite a good club la. But its a bit off the way. I live YCK leh. Then went IMM to find ipod. Me and chris want to buy. Then IMM don't have. Then plan to go town buy, but luckily Farand went to jurong point then he help us check. Luckily harvey norman have. So took train to boon lay then went to buy. Then before that i went popular buy books and comics and titbits. Spent 57 bucks there. Plus everything, yest i spent hell lot. 2 months pay gone. But now having done the songs for the ipod, quite glad i bought it.

Jingzhong platoon best. Don't think he deserve it. He isn't outstanding, though he isn't bad as well. He's good la, but when he's bugged, he will get stressed up. Anyway it's all peer appraisal so majority wins. Crossover to OCS is going to be darn hard. 3 interviews. Haha... oh ya hongwei platoon 3 best. From Delta 3 last time. Happy for him also. Sincere guy. This week got interview with PC. Going to ask him lots of questions. From what i heard, 5 names got submitted. Then don't know how many got rejected due to various reasons. I think and think, only 3 obvious names come up, Jingzong, Xian and Jason Zhou. A few people say might be me... might be la... might not be also... but definitely not surprised that it's rejected. PC said that i am too emotional. Haha... i don't know where that part comes in also. Maybe i am. I tend to take too much care of my men. I tend to be too willing to take all that blame so as to save my men. I tend to be too naive. According to PC, i don't live in the real world. So for that, i am out. Anyway, i thought a lot that day. I am a sergeant right from the start. Really. Never have any officer's blood in me. Someone said i will make a lousy officer but i will make a damn good sergeant. I thought maybe it's true.

Okie coming to the end le. Made a lot of friends. Will be sad if we all split up. Especially Chris and Terry. Farand also. They are all good friends. Friends that will do things for you. Don't care... will keep in touch with them.

When we booked in, we all wear CVs. Then i realised none of us rebellious lot actually ask why must we tuck in our shirts. No one actually ask. Maybe we have all matured.

Booking in tonight at 10. Won't be a long one. Sat can come out le. Think got a fast march and then chemical defence. Well... really went through a lot...

Take care people.
When you think of giving up, persevere and you will be glad that you went through all that.

Yours,
Lah