Dear Blog,

Laggy internet.

Still remember the night during fieldcamp during bmt. Was doing guard with isaac. I was already writing then. Haven't stopped writing even till now. Time flies by like anything. The J1s whom i saw that went for orientation "not too long ago" have just finished their 1st year.

Went grandma's house just now. Haven't seen jeff and jon for a long time. Jon still looks as stoned as ever. Wondered how he will be like when he gets into army. By then i think i will have a few children already. Maybe by then army would have changed.

Lao ma was complaining how dirty my uniforms were. Can't help it that i've got no time to rinse it. Feels kind of bad.

I want to go out. But i don't want to go alone. It's meaningless. I want to share this peace with someone... but i have no idea where i want to go. Maybe i could go to the bridge where ariel and i cycled to sometime back... somewhere at seletar there... where i saw that day during boat package. It should be a nice place at night.

2 persons who were once so close could just end up not talking at all the next day. It just makes you think... how fragile and superficial things are. You just kind of end up with no answers to things. And each passing day makes memories blurer, and in the end, all the memories end up as still pictures which are more memorable. The definition of knowing someone and being friends has became so wide... it's almost not like a permanent kind of thing anymore. Who actually bothers to keep in contact? But... aiya i am contradictory. Why keep in contact when everyone's busy? As long as we remember each other then can already right?

So much so for the chevrons. It feels very very near already. All the shit we gone through... we could almost taste the results.

Surprisingly i haven't bathed yet. So used bathing late.

The way my coursemates handle and organise things bothers me sometimes. I don't know who is right or wrong, or maybe i am just different. And i believe they do get pissed by my "i think your plan's lousy" attitude. Because i am aware of that, i do get insecure about my actions and words. If i don't get that bother me too much, i will be able to speak more confidently. But there will be the group of people who purposely pull you down even if you are doing the right thing. How many leaders can actually stand confidently and speak with command and direct people having not to think what the people are thinking of him, or whether there is a better way to direct the people or the words he uses? The way he stands and the tone of his voice?

I think i am thinking too much.

Chris will be coming back next week. He misses a lot of things that was very enriching.

I miss playing with those guys. Omens Of Love still remains very clearly in my mind. Afterall it was only last year when we took part. My first and perhaps last one. But i realised my joy... something i truly enjoy in doing... playing orchestra pieces with a group of people... playing my part in creating a masterpiece. It's similar to being part of a cs team, or a vball team. So much for being a team person... when the only people i enjoy working with are capable people.

When we are younger, we don't miss so much about things. Already missing so many things at such a tender age, i fear for the future. But then i guess by that time i will feel too old for those things i miss.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Yay~!!! Candace package is over~!!! The most xiong part is over... more than half way through le. Only left almond and then ex unicorn.

It was... okie la. Tough... but we all went through it. Maybe not as tough as i thought it will be. But... we only got 16 hours of sleep the whole week?? Anyway used to it already. The feeling of finishing the candace bridge is good. Walking across it from the home back to the far bank... taking pictures... it was good la...

Cadet Ben signed 3 extra cos he screwed up yest's training. Sek who was the ps was lousy, plain lousy. He shouldn't have been a commander. Upstaking was quite smooth last night. Everyone knew what to do and they just cooperated.

The teamwork there... i can say bridging engineers are a bunch of people who bonds very well together... the way we get high and the shoutings of "2...3...4~!!" and the adrenaline rush after upstaking. Was talking to terry last night... and i asked him whether he regretted going there. He said no... yea... we are all blending in with the place... wet boots and salt stains are part of us now... and the shagness and deprivation of sleep... its all so natural to us now...

The construction of the candace bridge... 8 X 3/2 rafts plus 1 X 4/3... its one whole big massive project... but the completed work is satisfying... considering all the roles and appointments... i will still give up being a raft comm to be a coxwain... driving smth is what i enjoy...

I learn things quickly. And i learn them good. I thank my parents for the brains i have. If not i will have gotten some unnecessary scoldings and wasted a lot of time like my fellow coursemate. Anyway, long weekend. Time for some good rest. Aching. Though must book in earlier for candace theory test which i think is stupid. Who actually does the practical first before doing the theory??

That's about it. I wanna go for a spin now.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Oh nooooooo no more time le~!!! Okie gonna be a short entry.... last week was tiring but wasn't too bad. Erm... can't remember what i wanna type already... grrr need to go and copy notes... purpose is to make us read thru them... but there's smth call plain copying... which i was doing... word by word... you don't read... you just copy...

Anyway went out yest on the car... it was cool... really... that is the kind of getaway i need... from all the hustle and hectic-ness from camp. But whoa... was too reckless at one time... yf was screaming... haha... and erm... couple making out in a van in the carpark late at night... really in the thick of action... =p

Candace isn't for me. It's too inflexible... or rather its too systematic... you don't use much brains... Tues there will be overnight construction on some island...

Wed booked out for test. Yay passed~!!

After next week... i will be looking forward to Exercise Unicorn. Halfway through the course already.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

This week has been... tiring/enriching/crazy/high and a lot more... Boat package just ended. It has brought me to many new places in singapore which i never thought i would go to.

Chris wasn't out with hernia. It is just some balls thing... but he's going for operation tmr. Hope he doesn't OOC.

Last week when we prepared for boat package, i thought we are perhaps going outsea for 2 days, at most 3. But ended up we went outsea from tues to fri. Launching and Upstaking are very demanding times. The slipway has became a place where i only think of demons and satan. It's a scary place la. Blah... i am blabbering... Strained my back a little, hurt my legs a little... but everything's okie la. Shouldn't go on anymore about the bad stuff.

The good stuff... Driving an assault boat through the water of the johor straits... The feeling is... exhilarating... orgasmic... i have never feel so free during training...

The wind... the sea... We are all going to smell salty after sometime. The salt stains in the uniform is becoming part of the camouflage prints...

Night training has never been so exciting. Think of 10 assault boats driving at... erm i don't know what speed but it's damn fast... doing sailing formation... with all the lights from the ports of our northern neighbour... machiam like Deepavali... and the several mast lights from the few boats around you... and the throbbling engine... seawater constantly splashing on our faces...

The sea... never ever would i think of operating a boat during bmt, nor in sispec... it was always land... forest... soil... spiders... mosquitoes...

Sea Navex was fun. Around the northern area of the coast of singapore... from seletar to sembawang shipward... to sembawang park... civilians were all looking at us... then to punggol... pulau ubin... changi... could see the control tower and lots of big planes... and was having a headache cos i was navigating using the seachart on a boat that was rocking here and there... luckily sgt alan is a nice guy. He's one of the nicest around... handsome... boyish looking... committed(he actually looked for the ans to the ques i asked him about the flashing light and came back personally and told me about it). He helped reduced ivan's 3 confinements to 1 early book in... we need more of this kind of sgts around.

Upstaking... it is something like a race... which pumps everyone's adrenaline skyhigh... even though we are all super tired... everyone worked like hell during upstaking. Race against time... battle against fatigue and pain... Was up in the BII tonner every night. Put that strain on my back. But couldn't help it. Cannot expect me to squat down and pick up the stuff and move them to the front of the tonner right? There isn't enough time for it.

But the feeling of accomplishment... heart pumping and sweat pouring down your arms while falling in to report strength... 12 boats... 160 kg each... 10 OBMs... 66 kg each... and all the stores... easily 5 ton of stuff everyday for the whole course...

Everyone is saying... you think the boat package is xiong... wait until candace package... that is the killer... well... candace package starts tmr...

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Yf, yh and vince came over yest for ps. Then went vince house watch soccer. Man U is disappointing... haven't seen them so toothless upfront... Cut my hair... was falling asleep... haha really tired... should get more sleep during the weekend...

Brought out the notes and letters people gave me and read them yest. Feeling is different and you learn more things now than when you first read them.

Went by the yatch club that day. I want a yatch.

Okie la... that's about it... 3 weeks of BPCC gone... 7 more...

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

The cough is irritating. IRRITATING.

I shall report sick. But haiz... i know i won't in the end...

Bought a few 4-players games yesterday. Just waiting for the players to come.

Flipped through the Secrets of the Code just now. "DVC challenges readers to imagine that what they have always heard or believed may not be the truth after all."

It's very interesting. It is the first book that actually challenges things so logically... all the evidence... and the conviction... For something so controversial, it's time that this topic is brought up.

Book in lo~~ Siannnnnn~

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

People go and study straight away.

And i want to do that.

But i can't do that.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

I need a break.

Aching all over. Shoulders. Arms. Thighs. Hamstrings.

Thurs and Friday were crazy. Chris was out on fri with hernia.

Anyway, the tough part is just beginning. Went outsea for the first time yesterday. We were all very positive la... using the term "swimming" and getting all wet without hesitation. Did man-overboard drill. Learnt how to drive an assault boat. I think at the end of the course i will love the sea.

Ahhh... the sun, sand and sea...

Was at popular just now. Had the intention to buy Angels and Demons. And saw the popular bestsellers section when i walked in. So i thought it should be there. A couple of steps from there i saw this book entitled "Secrets of the code". Basically it's all about Da Vinci's Code. It appealed more than A&D, so i got it. Then i saw the latest book bu Sidney Sheldon, and i got that down Deception Point by Dan Brown and another book which i forgot the title. So i got 5 books in my hands that i really want to read. I don't know how am i going to get the time to read all that. So in the end i only got 2 books. I presume i can get the rest some other time. It was quite crazy cos they cost a lot, but... i think i just need sometime to myself. Indulge in a few good books.

Engineers' Formation XCountry on Friday. Everyone came. It was great seeing all the people back from SOCE.

Watched White Chicks and Resident Evil.

Everyone has their own story. The look in their eyes tell many things. The sad and sorrow lines clearer than the rest. Many of them choose to keep these to themselves. Was talking to Cadet HC. Some Cadets are too confident. Some aren't. He's somewhere in the middle. I was having problems working with cadets. Maybe it was me. I don't know how to face/interact/handle them. Though i must say i feel totally comfortable with Benedict. But it is obvious that some are too high and mighty that they think CPLs are dumber people and less capable. Hey look here k... i can think as straight as you... and i can command as much as you... You got to give me a little respect first before i can go all out to work for you. If you start segregating people through their ranks, then i won't be able to see your capabilities.

Anyway, enough about that. Lazy to type. No mood to blog.

Tests to study for..... sian...

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Took a slow walk outside to retrieve my bike. Was thinking about how nice it would be if life slows down a bit for me. All the cars zooming by, dogs barking, people walking back home... i miss the kind of life. It has been a busy day. Still haven't properly study for my tests. Booking in soon.

I miss school.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

First week at Seletar Camp. ARMCEG, BPCC(Bridging Pioneer Commander Course). Cultural shock. It's like... back to the 70s. Double decker beds. 5 inch sponge bed. Cupboards that are very small. No lifts. And yes absolutely no lifts. We stay on the 6th floor.

Our company line is a hangar. Those which planes are put inside. But ours contain comets. Inside got a comet cage and several comets and a few tonners inside. Our bunk is a distance away from the hangar. Everytime march will need to sing a lot of songs. There's a depression right in from of the hangar door. So a pool of water is always gathered there. Our small little wet gap.

1st day. We got there all laughing hysterically. A bit shocked by how the place is. But i am okie with it already. The walk into ARMCEG is going to be long. We tried to walk around the small little pool and kena scolded for that. Because we are bridging, aka water taxi man, bound to get wet like hell. So the next time we got to go across to the other side, everyone's running through the pool and splashing water everywhere. Didn't unpack or anything. Went straight to some briefing. All the way until night. They purposely tekan us like crazy. They gave out our manuals, and bedsheets. And we had our duffel bags and CV bags to carry. Gave us crazy timing. Run here run there. Aron's field pack after that got missing(but as found the next day). Everyone was grabbing everything they could find. Chaotic. Luckily i got my CV bag. I thought it was utterly unneccessary. What's with this operational ready thing? Slept at 2. First time can sleep in a new camp straight after lying on the bed. 515 wake up. Stoned.

Surprisingly 2nd day didn't feel that tired. Was drawing on reserve energy. 3rd and 4th day was the great battle with the zzzz monster. It is a very strong monster. Most of the time we lose the battle. Sometimes it doesn't come and bother you, but when it comes, it hits you instantly. And you will be in the struggle with the zzzz gas.

They splited me, Chris, Terry and Zihao up. I don't know how it gets so qiao. All 4 of us different syndicates. Oh ya they call us syndicates now. So basically we are some drug group. Anyway most of the things are done as a whole course. So its alright. The OCTs are training with us as a whole course too. I think it is an excellent idea. Because both sides can learn a lot from each other. Benedict from cj is there too. PC 2 for last week. Good to see him there. Lots of cj people there. Collin, Jun chen, jinhan, sam and me. Course total of 43 cpls and octs. Plus 2 officer trainee, one of them is shane, guitar prez when i was j1. And 4 armour guys.

I am the anchorage IC. Put right into action last week. Stores were drawn. Vouchers were signed. Lots of heavy stuff. SWR cables, 10 tonnes jacks, BII boxes... after the 1st loading and unloading, everyone wants to help me with my stores now... haha... they are really a lot and damn heavy. Ashwin is my 2IC. I don't know how come so coincidental. He was my 1st 3 months classmate. And i've got my own tonner... =p Thing about that is people start chucking stores which aren't mine into the tonner. And so am i supposed to take care of them?? Like the 10 demo hooks(supposedly), after fri only left 5... and i don't know where the other 5 went. Confinements and statements await...

Sergeants. Its quite a balanced ratio btwn the nice and the bad ones. They are like SOCE's, just newly passed out. SGT Lawrence, who is the anchorage sgt, looks a lot like Zhang Shan Wei. Got resemblance. He is damn nice. But he smoked me out that night when he asked me to lead chinese song. A few others... are haiz... really unreasonable... don't know so strict for what. We are all in this army together. If i meet you somewhere outside instead of in camp, then maybe we might have became good friends.

Warrant Officers. Oh... we've got 4, 1 for each syndicate. And when they all get together, its like the shi da meng zhu. You know... the 4 great leaders from the wu xia xiao shuo. We were trying to think of who is who... and names like tong xie xi du, bei gai, and gai bang bang zhu came out. Damn funny. Warrant Cheng is the funniest. He will be a great grandfather. Small, slight pudgy, and he has this very ci xiang face. Like a small santa claus. And he is very very comical. Always accompany his actions with sound effects. And he is very nice. Warrant Tan, the infamous guy in armceg. Think i will grow to hate him as the course progresses. Already started to hate him during the vehicle guiding training. It was supposed to be a practical lesson for us, in the end he did everything himself. He simply looks down on us, because he went through a lot and he thinks he knows a lot. Haiz... Confident is confident la... too full of himself is not so good.

Our life is basically waking up early in the morning and sleeping late at night. If we can get back to the bunk before 11, we are damn happy already. They are machiam training us to be CQ, draw stores... load stores... unload stores... check stores... maintain stores...

Guess what is happening back at SOCE?? Field had nights out on tues. Plant had nights out on wed. Whole school went to Lido to watch new police story on thurs aftnoon and they booked out from there because it's beavers day. And they had games in the morning. Friday off because its the school's anniversary. They are booking in either tonight or tmr morning. Good life huh?

The SGTs say that after our course, all of us will definitely change. Go back SOCE for graduation parade will see the difference between us and the rest. Well... so be it then.

Life after course... most likely going to Alpha company and be sect comm. If that is the case, then will slack until april cos we taking mono intake. Then train them as recruits all the way until their specialisation course in bridging engineer. After that they will become our men. Okie la... cos that will mean 5 days week and can book out if there's nothing at night.

That's about it. Tired. Need to study light signals for boats and TSR.

Yours,
Lah