Got this off the funkygrad webbie... damn interesting...
Would you dump an NS boy for a Uni Man?
Of course!
Oh, sheathe those claws, boys. Don't be rude. You would do so if you were in the same position.
Think about it: New environment and you're all alone; you don't recognise a single face and you're worrying how and where to start; your partner can't understand what you're facing and it's hard to explain; and then, you make a new bunch of proximity friends, and it's so much easier to hang out with them.
Hmmm? That's not university? That's national service? Well, well, well, how alarmingly bright you are. And here I was, worrying myself to wrinkles that I might die in the couple of decades you'd take to get it.
So you see, right? Beginning University and starting National Service is almost the same experience. I say "almost" because I know that if I said "the same", all the NS recruits in the country would be swarming over me like a pack of hounds before the night is out. They'd bay for my blood, because I had dared equate the tortures of 24-klik marches under the blazing sun and grimy sweaty trench-digging with "going to school".
"Going to school"? Ha! Now it's the university students turn to snort. University's a far cry from primary school where wide-eyed kiddies sweetly share their last piece of keropok with you. Anything precious here is more likely to be tightly wedged between a butt and a chair than shared. It is here you feel the need to find friends fast more than ever. It's the pack instinct: safety in numbers; comfort and acceptance too.
So, when you're feeling more than a little vulnerable, you crave comfort, as girls do when they play Moses and bravely face the Red Sea. And we all know that Comfort's schizo, right, girls?
Sometimes she's Ben & Jerry's (gender-crisis), sometimes she's Cadbury & Hersheys, while other times she's Paul & Frank. That is, Paul, your 3-year NS boyfriend; and Frank, that guy from your university orientation group.
It's not that you don't love Paul. After all, he was the one that gave you your first kiss; he was the one sitting next to you, picking at the miniscule plate of Prom Night food you each paid a bomb of $90 for; he was the fool that queued an hour at MacDonald's to buy that Hello Kitty toy you wanted, throwing away the McMeal. (SIN! Mistreatment of food! WASTREL!)
But things have changed. It's not the same anymore, you sniffle delicately. He's changed. All he wants to do is talk about his water-parades, complain about his officer-in-charge, that time he scrubbed the loo with his platoon, and his buddy (now that really perturbs you).
Frank, on the other hand (literally), is ever so attentive, always there for you, and oh, oh, so understanding…..
Smell the coffee, girl! OF COURSE, he's understanding! That guy's in the same university as you! He breathes the same lecture hall air as you, eats the same canteen food as you, sleeps in the library and drools over the same course books as you! It isn't hard to be understanding when you're doing all the same things!
No, shut up Frank , I'm not blaming you. I just want Pollyanna here to see how obvious it is that you have the Unfair Advantage in this case. Yes, the UA.
The UA presents itself in every single situation that occurs. Born of the Unfair World, the UA clings on to one party that catches its fancy and allocates them that tad bit more weight to tip the scales in their favour. Intrinsically irrational, UAs choose not by logic, but by pure whim and coincidence.
Coincidence, that he's at the same stage of life with you, enabling him to be there physically when you need him, to be in the experience with you. If it was based on that alone, Paul would never have had a chance. Why would you choose a partner who can never be there over a partner who always is?
Because you know it's not Paul's fault. He didn't choose not be there. He didn't choose to be away in Brunei killing chickens and wearing 5 day old underwear when you wanted to talk to someone about your voodoo plans for your slacker project mate.
But you've reached a point when you don't particularly care, you just want someone to be there for you. You know you'll hurt Paul's feelings and that bites, but you can't help being selfish. You want to be selfish. You want what feels best for you.
Now we're left feeling awfully sorry for Poor Paul and snarling at Frank the Filch. However, if recall what I said earlier, the situation of entering NS and beginning University life being almost the same, what do you think would have happened if Paul started NS with a co-ed company and Pollyanna entered an all-girls University?
Sounds far-fetched? Well, just indulge me and stretch your imaginations thinner. Paul, is now the one with opportunities galore, and Pollyanna? Pollyanna's the nun.
So, tell me, who is more likely to break up with who?
In a Chanel lipstick case (because a nutshell is so passé), we are all Fortune's fools. She plays us in situations we have little control over. Live with it.
And all the Pauls out there? Life's not over. In 2 years time, you'll be at university, and then, during the orientation camp, you finally get the chance to introduce yourself as " Frank, the name's Frank."
http://www.funkygrad.com/think/displayarticle.php?artID=786&subcat=relationships
