this whole week practically gone liao... dunno lar...i shall juz let time decides...............

today soccer training was fun~!!! headed a ball manz...and it was a nice head....too bad clear off the line...den had a legal penalty claim...but a.ho always play on one wadz...den had one shot on the side netting... quite fun cos we had 33 players on the field...all 3 teams...den at one time is 2 teams playing against each other...after sometime den change teams...so those not playing sit on the pitch...den when teams change...the team sitting down muz quickly go and take over the sub-out team...den the teams are differentiate out by wearing shirt or not...so its like putting on and taking out and putting on again...

pleasee...i pray that the performance will be approved.... manz it will be fun....promos in 60 days...2 mths pple....
oh yar i cut my hair...look damn guai now...=p

I think i am going to disappoint. Right now i will need your encouragement... i need your trust and i can only hope you will wait...

He cries in his arms.

Of all things to happen, i am just plain unlucky. The timing is damn wrong. Just when i thought i had settled a bit of my stuff, i come to the most busiest part of my life. I really want to have time for her... yes really... but i cant find time. I guess its really frustrating especially when i got to try hard, and yet i cant, and only watch her leave. Yesterday wasnt that bad, i wasnt that busy actually. But NOW yes... definitely... fulfiling my life to the fullest huh?? yeah i am sure doing that, until i cant place my priorities right. It's not that i don't talk much. It's just that usually i am tired after school and will usually talk only when talked to. Either that i seldom unless i am feeling absolutely great. Sorry about that. Without doubt, i can somehow imagine myself failing. After much saying, i cannot promise anything done. What's the use? i can only say i try my best... yes but it is really hard. Now i truly understand the meaning of it liao... guess fred had spent plenty of time also.

How about imagining this lar... hmwk such as tutorials and research for PW... council activities such as the upcoming teachers' day which i may have to think of everything for the council performance... soccer training which will leave me drained at the end of the day... and a bit of badminton practices here and there... and my promos... having 2 tests the next 2 days... i really want to do well... but when you see how little you actually know... and when you got to do everything in this short span of time, it's kind of scary. Just completing my tutorials will take up my whole night, and before i know it, its 11pm. I need my sleep manz... if not go sch cant concentrate for lessons, then what is the use of going to school. Yes... you can say i am not ready... yes it's true. I am sure i can handle all these. Been thinking a lot last night, and just being realistic, i see myself better...alone.

I miss her... yes... her...

yes~!! hahahah~!! i haf risen to num 9 spot~!! nice to see an analysis of me there in the top 10 list...

Please don't ever wait for me... cos' maybe i could be waiting for you...

me fickle-minded?? most ppl say no... but i dare admit... however i want to say i am changing... really... have some faith... spare some for me...

just know that i did nothing wrong... and i know my attitude...take it or leave it... its really a rare chance ppl will say...i really just want to be humble... when i didnt do anything wrong and its just blamed on me... its quite shitty you know...

shit...now i get even my fears when i see ppl wif those sizes...last time i wasnt anything scared of her...but now i think she is damn dangerous...manz...prejudice liao...

When you want respect, you respect others to respect you.

I am a pawn. The bishops and the castles are here. I got nothing to say. But if the bishops and castles only fight for themselves, the pawns are going to die. And i am not going to die.

so tats how council works?? tell me more...

He pulls him away.

now i fully understand pinter's problem of verification...

its like unless u haf experience it...its hard to know the meaning...

Lecture num 1: never ever go out with someone less attractive than u... all the attention will be on u...

Since you want to play the game of eye glances... i shall go on looking at you until you know i am permanantly glancing at you...

It's hard holding you... loving you... losing you... It's hard to be true... and be fooled... by you... i don't know...

-Should i stay by Dreamz FM

its narrowing my options down to a few... neither of them i can actually believe...though i am high in confidence...sometimes i am trapped within my own corner of enthusiasm.

shud be going out soon...need to relax liao...and need to arrange my time properly liao...next week...THE week...

He holds the black 8 ball in his hand.

shud i go out later?? shud i?? yf asked me to go find him and anne cos they selling bears...den maybe play billard after tat...think i need to study...so i will go study now...wadeva i do later...i will decide later...

You will see him closer on his hands.

erm....think my dear koala gone missing liao ar...so long nv see her....muz haf gone into hibernation liao lar...wth boing...

got the competition song liao...i am to play part 4 of the song...quite okie...only right hand...but from the start got solo liao...hehe fun...

go andrew go~!! go for dionne manz~!!! bleah...i am sooooooooo bored....

gotta start mugging liao...yea...b4 it gets too late...suddenly i am in the mood oso liao....to mug and to find a gf...=p

i juz dun feel like blogging now...yest at kream... expected lottas things...didnt expect lottas things as well... so sometimes...its like when ppl do things which u are not prepared for...it kinda sug cos u dunno wad to do...it makes u look dumb...but anyway...nowi learnt more...like no venture no gain...aileen saw and recognised me...hope she doesnt report to anyone in cj...keke...who cares anyway...i didnt do anything wrong oso....no smoke no drink much...i think i am the most havocest councillor manz...serious...maybe only yodie or del are smth like dat...but anyway i am human too...=)

I am juz damn tired lar...

suddenly i lost my thots on wad i wanted to say.... oh yar...the council room is totally filled wif so much stuff...today den i know....now we have a cleaner...and a diff layout for sc room liao...yay~

why cant i haf the whole truth... nothing but the truth??

its quite interesting thinking back at the times back then...when i was practically spending every bit of my childhood with my cousins and now i seldom even tok to them....back then...we were so damn blardee close...why issit so? how come it seems as though i dun even got anything to tok to them about now....now its all frens...i think the closest ppl ard are my frens...and not even my cousins...cousins are my relatives loh...and how come things haf changed so much?? last time we were so wild...

i guess i have grown older.

hahaha i made it to the main graph of the top most active ones in #cjc....by toking juz 15 lines...i am num 34...haha last one on the list~!!! yay~!!!

mainly...the past 2 days vv busy...fri's soccer training was a bit sucky for me cos i am tired...and when i am tired i dun enjoy doing my stuff....oh yar...discover that when i am hungry...i tend to fall aslp more easily...after training pia home den went town meet eunice and yifai...went kream...sucky lar...police came...its either tat or the ppl there in charge purposely screw shit...so didnt quite enjoy myself...den i gotta say tis...bcos of u...i control myself...really i did...tat horny ass erm...well...was getting a bit too horny...but anyway its nothin...i stay sober thruout...for the first time...on task to take care of the naive one lar...met kennedy again...blardee shit always there...can see he did smth and discover a whole lot more liao...i dun haf the time to keep up wif him lar...but can see he has improved...good for him manz...

His mind flashes back to the point of ecstacy.

got a lot of things to say... let me try to recall as many as possible and write them down...

whoa manz...was looking at sooch's aims and goals for promos...and its all As~!!

shit manz...think mine will look smth like tis...

Econs: C (55-59)
Geog: B (60-64)
Literature: C (55-59)
GP: B (65-69)
Chinese: A (70-75)

66 days more...

den gotta tok and strengthen a few relationships today....i am feeling sooooooo good....

teachers day coming soon...den gotta plan for it liao...going to haf performance oso...dance and stuff...yeaa...damn cool leh...

today is a great day... mr ho gets to know me... strengthen my good image wif mrs tan... get to tok a lot of girly stuff to edmond today....crap lar...2 guys toking....wad else...den traffic directing quite fun oso...had a bit of a shock la...when jia cried cos mr gan scolded her over ptm...

yay~!! mr ho knows me liao`!!!!

How is it that i can provide for others, and yet others cannot provide for me. When others want me to listen, i listen. When i want others to listen, they choose to listen to others. When i see them in trouble, i ask to help. However, why is it that no one is asking to help me? Why is it that i got to be the one doing the stuff, and not the others. How come it is that i can brush off comments, yet others simply just break down and cry? Why is everyone different? Why is it that she isn't here for me? Why is is that i am there for her? Why is it that i am talking, someone just got to cut me off? Where's the courtesy? Where's myself? Or rather... what's myself?

I think i am just stressed.

She said some weird stuff yest... i don't know how to take them in... don't know how to decipher the meaning... don't know what to do...

He looks at I... looks at myself.

today had 2 comments which were good... yeah... hahaha...esp that ego booster from wen ai... then after the look-like case... yea...it make me feel good ya know...

oh yar... then damn shit just now... if i had walked a bit faster... if only... but anyway the other one came soon... so its kind of balanced... but really manz... rubin will understand manz...anyway he understand liao also...we just share the same views...

next class there is the doll... then next next is the zb class... no wonder anyhow also got 3... wheeww manz... oh yar... dunno whether shud tell him to give up anot... cos she already got bmt liao if i am not wrong... hahah non of my business also... so heck lar... den minsi there also got... sam enuf liao... ray's class simply can find 2 loh... but really... alot alot of ppl like sophie(?? duno leh...tats wad rayner say her name is)...even jiayu also got prev crush on her... well... the view is just getting nicer everyday...

He sees beauty in the eye of the beholder.

everybody's searching for intimacy~~~

*** pyul has joined #cjc
hey gers if you are studying in JC, slim or thin and don't wear specs (wear contacts never mind), you must wear your JC skirts as high as possible ok
*** |EMU|_hw sets mode: +b *!*@mcns119.docsis207.scvmaxonline.com.sg
*** pyul was kicked by |EMU|_hw (pyul)

well done jasonnnn~~~!!!

hahah to imagine that this kind of thing also can be said out... totally psychotic...pervertic... asshole...

going to have a really busy time for the next few days... there will be ushering of cars tmr for PTM... heng i don't have to go for PTM... cos lao bu chose not to go...or rather she sahy don't have to... so i can go for council duty tmr... will be assigned to Group C... IC of my group also =) thanks arh khairi... then it will end probably at about 7... and damn...before that i got to complete my compo 1st... meaning sometime soon from now... but good leh...tmr end early... at about 1 like that i think... cos of PTM
and fri end at 12.50 i think~!! hahah~~ for the past 2 days i have been skipping lots of lessons... and now the next 2 days also... yest was because of blood donation... hahaha~~ i must have broken the world record for world's fastest bag filled... hahaha i pumped and pumped very fast kae... then kana scolding from nurse cos' i was moving about... wah kaoz...cmon loh...i go donate blood then still scold me... anyway after that got free biscuits and milo so not bad also... but arm was feeling a bit numb lar... but now it's almost as good as before liao... so yest skipped 2 lessons... then today because of block PW period... sch ended at 11.30... lunchtime till 12.30...den PW all the way till about 2.30... was supposed to do surveys one... but my group didnt do anything... because the people we need to interview are sorta more special lar... so got to wait loh... so kind of skipped 3 periods today...

shit manz... realised my econs is shit now... its totally crappy and out of my hands... must go study liao... if not mr phay wont be seeing me getting down the flag anymore like today...

okie... it's time to rock and roll~!!!

super hell tired today....ran at least 5km...at this rate of running...5km every week...its almost like having x-country compeition every week...legs going to pengz liao...tired tired...and i got geog assignment to do...

He is drained.

my room is currently INFESTED with ants...i aint joking...really...

realised that this blog has been with me for one whole hell of 1 year and 3+ mths...shit manz..forgot to celebrate its bday~!! damn...

damn...discovered that i am very busy. Extremely is the word. Went crez fun fair yest... saw lots of people, and spent 2 bucks on 2 cups of iced orange juice. Hahaha~~ nothing to spend the tix on mah... so just anyhow use. Then the whole organ class was there also... josh, mal, jim, cx and me. Met them at about 3pm then we left crez together. Took train to yishun and went mac to eat. After that took bus to class. Throughout the whole journey... from the train ride to the bus to class... they were all there... for me. I guessed it somehow helped me made my decision on staying on until the competition is over next year feb. Really have smth to say to those guys... I LOVE ALL OF YOU MANZ~!!! They bought a bouquet of flowers for teacher also.. and i think scared the hell out of him when jim and cx said they are quiting, but he simply didnt show it all... at all. But i can sense deep down that there is almost a speck of sorrow in his voice when he just casually ask why. Anyway... it's all over... we are all still together and no one's leaving. During the crez carnival, we were buying ice cream and this man quite crappy lar... but he said about taking a photo together and 50 years later, looking back at it and meeting together once again. It's like soooo true and nice... being around with the ones you treasure and respect. The way they encouraged me i will never ever forget.
Even though i complain so much to cx about the stuff i got to do this whole weekend, which include stuff like the 2000 word geog essay, human and phy geog tuts, econs essay, quotation for the prices of mugs and fabric paints, arranging of files... and many more other things like my cca... council and soccer... when she heard about council... she was like kind of shocked... even admitted that it will require a lot of time. She finally understood why i am in a dilemia. Not only that, told her also about my results, which aint that great, and also of my parents' hopes and priorities. In the end she didnt say much. I also know it's all down to me. But anyway it's only until next year... well... after that... i don't really know. aiya okie lar... if u all want me to stay, then try persuading me again loh...=ppp...keke juz jk. Seriously don't think so lar... Got As and stuff... need a break too. Forbidden love is still uncompleted as well... then i really want to try spirited away. Fark... things that i most need now... sex(!@@#$%!$%)=ppppp...no lar...time...energy and motivation i suppose.

Suddenly, he sees a long, long path ahead of him.

It's just a dream...

... ...... . .. ....(23:35 PM) :
after watching fame den after the SA dance thingie...i am inspired to dance~!!!!

lynn23:30 PM) :
really? want to join me?
what kinda dance do u do ?

... ...... . .. ....(23:32 PM) :
no lar...i juz want to dance smth like hip hop...or those damn cool kind...not those slow slow one lar....
really manz...den i was thinking of plannin to form tis dance grp which do our own moves and stuff....but no lar...juz a dream...

lynn(23:33 PM) :
oh i do hiphop!! i've attended classes b4 and now i'm in the cca in np..
if u're forming a group, call me k ? heehee.. nothing is impossible if u put ur heart into it..

... ...... . .. ....(23:35 PM) :
erm...see arh...forming a grp requires a lot of things....i know i can get the members...but the time needed?? the energy needed to do all the stuff...u gotta think about them loh...den its like its really interesting lar...even thought of having perfomances and selling tix....its quite impossible at tis age and time lar...

lynn(23:36 PM) :
yup.. i know it's quite time consuming.. but if u're really into it, dun waste anytime lor.. life is short..

Human beings know who are good to them, and thus they know they can be nice to these people as well.
Human beings also know who don't like them or who backstab them, and thus they dislike these people.
Human beings who like these group of people will do as much as they can for them, to care for them as well.
Human beings who don't like these group of people will either tend to ignore and avoid these people, or backstab them back.

It's that simple.

tired...was out in the morn till then...the moon is too bright tonite for the stars to be seen clearly....but a few stars till shone brightly...juz like the few pple in my life...

got lesson at 10 till 1130 tmr...den going crez for carnival...den after tat got organ...tired manz...and hungry..

hahaha......i really hope tis grp of ms nathan, bella and gwen can meet....whoa manz...hahah now i can spot the similarity liao...all the same same one....

oh yar...reminding me of today's happenings...ms nathan was totally out manz...out out out....out of the horns....manz...the whole lect was like grinning and laughing away at her horniness...

He learnt of a goat the other day, today he learns of the horse.

juz now damn funny....to see 2 persons flirting wif each other...trying to outwit each other in talking or rather, to find a good response is truly interesting and amazing...and its totally amusing...really manz...i was almost luffing away...but fred was good lar...hahaa....den there was the betting session as well...ex-laopeh how can u always scare lose...like dat how to bet...i bet myself oso cannot....=p

today got scolded in lit lect....well for wad?? for not copying down notes said by mrs sng...oh cmon manz...she cant teach manz...den i was like quiet sleepy...but wasnt falling aslp lar...so didnt bother to copy...den she call me...den tio by mr tamilselvan oso cos he say muz get notebook...den how come i dun haf...nvm....tmr go sch i prepare the notebook wif everything inside for him to see....

came back from mediacorp juz now...went watch SA's dance thingie...not bad lar...but cud haf been much better....manz...i simply love to take part in tis kinda stuff...if only cj got some dance society...den it will haf been fun....tired manz...

He dances in the moonlight.

had soccer training today at ftpss...not bad not bad....trained passing abit here and there, before played a mini game wif 9 on 9...den after tat got real match...actually wanted to form a gong jiao team...but too bad vince went over the other side to play...so me, marc, minghee, zheming and jared played in same team. i think we had 12 in our team excluding keeper...haha kinda funny lar...den after tat paul came be our keeper den leon played as center def cos the coach wants the keeper to see how the center def will feel...den damn funny cos when adrian ho asked leon wads his name...den he heard as yong or smth like dat...so back to the match...got 3 teams mah...den me is team b...so play wif team a first...den me, marc and tis indian guy strikers...den midfield i think crowded leh...got like 5 i think...den def oso 5...well anyway...its against vince's team lar...den i created one goal can...hehez...marc scored from it...*live commentary* someone pass the ball to anhong...and he trapped the ball...turn ard and saw 2 def closing him down...he quickly turned left...and saw marc shouting for him...wif a quick pass...marc wif his 1st touch slow the ball down and whacked the ball pass sachin the keeper into the bottom right corner...power~!!

Anyway, the real work has started, and i am kind of pressurised by it. Hahaha~~ oh well...today had dep meeting and talked about identity stuff. Need to make mugs for our dep, and as logistic personel, need to go find prices of paint and cups. I don't know why... really don't know why that i actually felt pressurised. Cmon manz... it's like during the running of council, i did so much other stuff and i am still okie. Shit... think it's the grades and the expectations of parents, plus the organ stuff, soccer and also other outside stuff. So i guess i aint kind of up for the leadership kind of job. No wonder i didn't get into exco... hahah!! they know me well enough leh.

and about the below stuff... it's just about the standardising of the posts in the various deps. Why is it that in CA and CP there are assistants whereas for SW and CI there are only 1 person each for each post. Actually this can go either way, in which both way i also don't mind. It's never ever the idea that i want logistic to myself, i don't even mind being assistant to sean, just that if want then have assistant for logistic also since secretary has an assistant. And other deps also get everyone into some sort of post, that's what i meant. It's not that i am saying they don't have any post then they got nothing to do, but since if you all want everyone in the council to have a post, then make sure everyone does. If not, just scrap the assistant thing. I don't know what did the teacher IC told the HODs, so i suppose again, that i have no right in any say of this again.

Well... can almost see me like a robot saying "yes yes yes or yah yah" to everything.

Behind the mask, he looks at the points gained.

when stuff starts becoming politics...where powermad pple are present...and not that i say they are bad...its juz tat when u haf power...u sorta do not listen anymore to ur subordinates...those ppl who has no power at all...when they make a point...when they suggest smth...u use this high and mighty voice to talk back...wad is the meaning of it?? i personally live in fear of angering or saying the wrong stuff to those exco members...and i dun blardee hell see any point in that...but however juz think lar...my position is at stake...i can easily make some crappy comments and be labeled as someone whose words are only jokes...its kinda scary.....last time....not really last time lar...in the process of council...i always tot its almost like politics...almost like survivor...can almost imagining each of us backstabbing one another juz to get a post...its tat scary u know...its okie actually cos its all over...i haf made up my mind only to speak when needed and ans when asked...other than tat...i shudnt make any suggestions...shiying came in today and i sugested smth.....which khairi oso agreed to it liao....and her face immediately turned pissed...either its the above case which i dun think it is...or tat smth bad muz haf happened to her...so i kinda understand lar...she said sorry after tat oso so its okie now...know her well enuf she isnt like dat...den i hate...i mean HATE being left out of stuff...haiz...kinda headstong lar...always wanting my ideas...but now i kinda heck liao...go sch...any council stuff do...any duties juz perform up to standard...other than tat dun think doing much oso....i aint in the position to do anything oso....oh well...when i am writing tis rite now...i am really in a good mood...juz saying wad i feel...not kping about stuff or wad...juz having a bit of my views here and there...its okie lar....haf told them if need my help den ask me...so other than tat i suppose i shudnt interfere much...

like how the 27th normal councillors say..."i am just a pawn..."

He gets a taste of the real world.

Without doubt, i will love to take on the challenge. However, i decide to play it safe. If not, everything will have happened.

Back after finishing my dinner and most of my compre...still got last 2 long ques...sian to do liao...juz now helped laopeh wif the lights...climb so high...haha felt like spidey...=p
now feeling tired liao...muz slp soon...yest pia too much liao...i think tats the reason why i quit soccer in the 1st 3 mths...

He didn't not pay attention in class as much as he can help it.

Got this from the religion class today... i don't go for the classes lar...just that friends brought it back and so i took a look...

Infatuation - Is sudden, love at 1st sight. <---don't quite agree with this leh... i'm sure there are plenty of examples of cases of real love created by 'love at 1st sight'.
- Generates a lot of fear and can cause a person to hide his or her true self for fear of losing the other <---this one is extremely correct

that's about it for infatuation...but for love, got a lot of very true and real stuff...

Love - Is never nervous, jealous or insecure<---which means total trust lar...
- Frees a person to be honest and to be his or her true self<---exactly...what's there to hide??
- Enables one to accept another's faults<---quite hard lar...esp at this age
- motivates the couple to give more time to other people like friends and family
- leads a couple to respect each other's freedom and individuality<---quite hard also at this age...

going to go bathe liaooo....den going grandma house for dinner...yay she juz msged me~!!! hahaa....today qooo was mad...a bit lar...haha...smth muz be wrong...orh orh yihan....=ppp

damn....26th is going to take a long time to come...den i gotta hand up geog assignment by 24th...the schedule for the stuff are a bit wrong leh...its like working so hard...and wanting to work hard...and having to work hard...and not having to work hard yet....and not having enuf time for myself....cheem.

yea....going to get the cj soccer jersey liao...haha good quality leh...den got wordings behind oso....next time go for training can wear liao....and its 12 bucks only....damn....toking about money makes me think of juz now...spent another 20 bucks on the crez carnival tix...but think vince going to pay me back...cos serene ask me buy...actually i already got 1 tix liao so i dunwan...den she dun let vince buy...so i fake fake help vince buy loh.....den now blardee broke...den thurs ex-laopeh going to come after me for 8 bucks...keke...=p

shitz...broke now....bought michael carr liao...63 bucks...damn....and the sociology txbk for 31 bucks...wth....i go sch machiam pay loansharks money....
arranged my stuff a bit here and there liao...so its much neater...juz heard chun is in hosp...manz...dunno got time to go see her anot...muz ask council to do smth oso....
and my skin is peeling like shit...now there are 2 distinctive colours on my shoulders...damn obvious...its almost like fault lines sia....damn disgusting lar...den in class i was peelin the skin on my arms off....they look like those eraser stuff...hahah...

my face full of oil now....whewww....can cook oil sia...tmr got DP after sch...den piaing down to FTP for soccer...gonna be late manz...sianz...but i juz wanna play soccer....

gotta finish my compre later...and ask laobu sign blood donation form...and oso print out those othello stuff from the net...and if can start...will research for info for urban geog assignment...damn...2000 words again....

Meeting held on 15 July 2002 in the SC Room

All present except Anhong.


arghhhhh....paiseh paiseh....got soccer training mah...but anyway i promise no more of such things liao cos set my priorities liao....anyway i asked for ariel's permission to be excused oso...council rulez~!!!

den i tot the appointment of the posts abit funny...how come got assistant secretary and no assistant logistic?? if want den haf both...if not den dun haf at all...let zijie and jingle both in charge la...no assistant and stuff....hahah...juz voicing out my views la...

Damn tired... mass pe...heng i zhao a little of it...meaning i ran 8 laps k...den played soccer...den soccer training...leg conditioning...ran 3km...den gym stuff...den played till 730...now totally pengz....nitez ppl

The world spins round him.

I've got an idea that somehow i will be faster than him and in the end i will be the one persuading and encouraging him.

He prays for it come true.

People should now try as much as possible not to d/l anymore songs. Was reading the newspaper just now and i realise i did a wrong that day by asking my friend to d/l songs instead of buying the cd. I suddenly realise the consequences... the harsh reality that may happen. Just think lar...it's like econs... if more and more people d/l music online, the business in music stores like HMV will deteriorate and with less profits come lesser power to expand. When there is less money to be make, these music stores will definitely cut down on the cds that they are buying. When less cds are on demand, then the producers, the companies of those musicians, singers, bands will definitely have to reduce on the production of these cds...i don't know how these kind of business work lar...but when singers are paid less...there will be a point when it comes to that there will be no point in producing... and just think of the consequences, we all won't have anymore new songs to enjoy... and by that time, all of us can simply go and listen to oldies.

Sudden desire to learn the songs i got yesterday... esp forbidden love and the theme song from sprited away... no motivation to mug now... but i know i got limited time left... just thinking a bit here and there... everything i do weekly... in school during class... am i paying enough attention?? am i making enough notes?? am i learning enough?? Because i got to consider my weekends. If i put in enough time during weekdays, i believe i can have time for myself during the weekend. I got to set my priorities right again... cos' it has kind of gone wrong again... with other factors coming in.

Yet the lack of energy and the lack of motivation is pissing me off badly. When i don't have enough time for myself, i simply to like it. Cos' i really need time for myself. I see no time for cs or pool now. I see council taking up a lot of my time. I see my classmates asking me for time as well. I see the transport time taken draining me of my energy and desire to work. I see myself... asking for more time.

There is the topic of money as well... i am 40 bucks in debt. Can settle there next week, but i am sure i wont have enough to spend next week again. What is becoming of me?? Where is there a desire to spend? Can only conclude that with the satisfaction of trying comes future desire for satisfaction. Got to tone down a bit here and there. Anyway, glad that i discover more of myself again. However this sucks... hahaha~~ i am sure i am a slow developer leh... now then i think life sucks...=p

Are you okie?!!??! YES~!! EVER OKIE~!!!!

EVER FINE~!!! EVER GOOD~!!!!

He calms himself down and looks forward.

Damn... totally disappointed that i fail again. Wth am i doing?????????

It's not that i never try hard enough, but i believe its the pressure. I can perform wellat enough to pass in class. But however hard i try, not once but twice, i see myself not being able to make it.

Well... future plans should be that i still continue, even though i maybe much behind others. However i dare to say i learn as much as the others. The main thing is to learn stuff there. It's just that i can't perform practically. I guess i just got to concentrate on the theory part where i am so much used to... using my brain in exams instead of my body. Anyway i also have songs to learn... which i think i will because i really like them.

Shit... i think i know what is causing the emptiness... it's the prevention of breakdown... and that comes from everything lately... aimless... pointless... walking nowhere... finally i find the reason liao... glad manz...at least it allows me to understand.


He questions himself deep within.

My house seems to be always under a lot a lot of stars. Every night whenever i return home late. I look up and i can see dozens of stars. If NASA knows of this area, i am sure they will be building another of their buildings here. How i wish i got a telescope, every night i will be able to gaze at stars. Twinkle twinkle little star... how i wonder what you are...

He bathes in the starlight.

Is it just lust, or the desire to search for true love? For that i look deep within, asking myself to hold on, no matter what. Using examples of successful specimens, i try as hard to set a target for onself, only left with the period of transition. Without her i feel empty, i ask to hold her tight. Without her i will miss myself, losing of my true identity. Without her i long for her, only to find myself where i have started. Not pertaining to any rules, but only commitment, i seek the chances and hopes created. I can't forget your name... can't forget you. Right where the place is, there is this sudden throbbling, shaky and uncertain, aimless and empty. That's where you belong.

He got it all sorted out.

juz came home from rose's house...had abit of a party there...ate a bit oso cos i was hungry...and played a forfeit game...wasnt that wild lar...juz all plain fun...=)...there are kissings...and eating off the mouths of others...and someone picked hersheys chocs from someone's body using the mouth...anyway....today juz went by like dat...so tired...

morn went sch for chi listening..den...council games...came home..rested abit den went for class...den went all the way to tanah merah for the bday party...met ven on the way and sowe both went meet tis joel guy at the mrt...life's pretty much interesting nowadays...lottas activities leh...going to haf cp meeting soon as well....oh yar...i got a locker liao!! haha~~ from the council room...today's the official handover...

He seeks the truth in himself.

i cant seem to forget the moments when i had the extremest of emotions...when i was having the most feelings...the things ppl say really seems to have stuck right down in my brain...when i have so much thoughts about the things that they say....it just stay down there...memories i guess...

He sings.

chi listening juz now was okie...shud get full marks cos its damn easy....den my hair was in a mess when i came to sch...den now i am so proud of my hair...cos i can actually style it in any way i wan it....twirling is fun leh....

He feels funny, as though something is missing.

okie i am in sch now...hahha waiting for the games to start...using the com at the study area there infront of the library....they playing soccer later...but i didnt bring my pe attire...heck lar...play in sch u loh...cannot play den too bad...seen them play abit liao....sucky lar....come qie the 4-5 guys lar....

oh yar...juz ate cup noodles....read in the email tat its not good to eat it in the cup itself...muz pour out or else it will affect smth in ur body...hahah...one wont kill lar...dunno wad to do later leh....cos got lessons...den got cip...and i dunwan to skip cip but its at boon lay...den so i see no pt to rush all the way there den to leave at 330...den today not many ppl going oso...think about 6 only?? crappy leh...go there sing songs....might as well ask me go perform striptease..=b

anyway....oh hi....zelia and celest are standing somewhere behind me now...haha...=pp

i am juz bored lar....

i suddenly arrive at a stage where i am lost a bit...not know what to do leh...

He asks for some signals.

yest went for SA investiture...skipped the lessons after the 1st 3 periods...think my invest was better...cos SA's kinda boring...but anyway went there see those guys...den get to zhao lessons oso...thurs is crap manz...den after the invest went dennis's dad's chicken rice stall at far east to eat...met up wif the other who went tpjc for their invest oso...den went back sch....after tat went back town again...cool leh...

He sees himself dreaming of himself in there in the future.

well...i passed all my subjects i think!!! hahah tats okie lar...consider i only seriously studied at the last week of the hols....hope they change the econs marks to 45...den lit oso 45...geog 47...gp 55...chi 61...

Tmr got listening compre...gonna reach sch by 845...den i not sure whether got cip later anotz...den after tat class till 6...den not sure going for rose's party anot....well...life's quite okie nowadays huh...

blahhh...its almost like the story of the fisherman and his wife...so many factors....and so many reasons to be wrong....i believe its juz a mixture of all these factors to haf this outcome...

He is feeling a bit bad.

haha jas slping liao...she aint replying...time to slp as well....zzzzz

He asks for sweet dreams.

heez....my nose is peeling...

Got back a bit of my results today.

Econs: 44/100 (damn!)
Geog: 46 1/2/100 (lousy manz)
Lit for The Caretaker: 17/50 (fail liao lar...cos my hard times confirm fail)

We had our first general meeting today. Not everyone turned up because some people had either this or that on. Well... basically it's nothing except for the intro which i think giselle had done a wonderful job. Then briefing about the stuff that councillors should do. Yupz...then there will also be an appointment of posts in each departments. Really hope i get a post...which will make my council term more interesting...logistic personel will be nice...

shitz...smth bad happened in council...a sudden wave of sadness swept me manz...its like life is so short...and i dunno how lar...can only hope for the best..we as a council will all be right behind, supporting one another...

was talking to khairi and jia during the fame musical...tok quite freely la...cos we all had the trust for one another...well...normal stuff lar...BGR and i gave a bit of scenerios here and there...realised for me personally...for me to like...or rather not change my heart...is for the gal to come after me...okok...tis may sound totally diong to some...but wad i say is personally myself...sr8 from my heart...its like i yearn for this respect...this desire to want me to make me want her back...get me?? kinda cheem lar...but when i like a gal...and hear she likes me oso...anything can happen...and oso nothing may happen as well...its like...hard to explain lar...but i try my best...its like...for me lar...dunno repeating tis how many times...its for me lar...if u ask me to try my best to jio a gal...however tis is not relevent lar...havent really try my best in jioing a gal yet...erm...shit...for tis i cannot really refer to it...except tat its like going thru all the trouble juz to get her...however...the sense of accomplishment in guys is damn high...so most i will say is the challenge...at tis age when the mentality havent been set correctly yet...its mostly for the challenge...and yet after being wif them...the interest is lost...yar...kinda like dat...so wad i mean is...for the thing to last...i muz first treasure...and for me to treasure...i muz 1st know tat there is trust and respect for me...there muz be tis enthusiasm...if all these are there...i will promise to do the similar....like i say...if u tell me u miss me wholeheartedly...i will oso say i miss u wholeheartedly...

He asks for blessings.

shit...i am suppose to do a chinese story analysis...tu shu bao gao...damn....hate it manz...but since sy can finish it in 5 mins..i dun see why i cant...

erm...gotten my econs mcq...got 15/30...den human geog got 21 1/2 upon 50...sucky manz...last ques i did in 10 mins i got 5 marks...1st ques i did in 25 mins i got 4 marks...wtf am i writing??!! then for GP essay got 22/50...why the marks all so crappy one ar?? econs tat one understandable lar....but the others bit funny leh...

den tmr changing chi class...they say according to CT grades...61 marks...think somewhere in btwn lar...

SAJC INVESTITURE
11 July 2002 (Thursday)
0800 hrs

dunno why its at 0800...cos i saw on dennis' letter that it is at 1100 and guests gotta be seated by 1030...

Went back cathigh took my Os cert juz now...wif sy, dominic, louis, bryan and teo zheming...miss the canteen abit...den bought a bit of titbits from the last stall...hahha...den saw mattew as well....their soccer sucks manz...

The burst of handphones into the world market has prompted several consequences. However i think that handphones has made people quieter. It is because that now SMS are what most people are using, when a msg comes in, people tends to concentrate on the msg more...replying to it and thinking of the reply at the same time. Thus even when they are talking to other people, they will usually stop talking and message 1st. Unlike last time when people talk non-stop, as there is nothing to interrupt them.


He wants a new phone.

Sooch: its okie lar....not nv keep in touch lar...juz tat no time lar...den now class so far apart oso....dun worry la....frens forever k?? =)

suddenly...i don't know what kind of approach to take. Is it through out the years i have just been lucky. Thinking back, i think perhaps that is almost the case. The 1st one presented itself, while the 2nd one was a bit of an instinct, almost unintentional. Could almost say i lost a bit of the touch...but i think i just need to remain compose, things might be much smoother. Patience is an essential factor as well. Cannot bear to screw this up liao...cos its time to settle down.

He waits for action to be done.

anyway...today went by quite quickly. I even asked darren wad did we haf later when the last period ends...but i was practically falling aslp the whole day....tired lar...from yest's activities in sentosa...oh yar...about yest...about 20 of us went...including the 27th and tham and the vball gals...went there den played vball...sun tanning...until i burning red now...later confirm chaota....den got buried in the sand as well...went swimming and came back wif a cut....yihan was worst as he cut his sole quiet deeply....kenneth's got scratches on his thighs...den played capt ball as well...went lido after that watch movie. bend it like becks...damn corny and funny...though a bit racist lar....den came home finish up lit....

He hopes for patience, however he sees hope.

skipped today's soccer training cos i was tired and in pain....then heard trials is only on tmr...so shud be going tmr...but hope the pain goes away or else i cant really perform as a keeper...

He prays for strength.

as red as a lobster i am~!!! ahhhhhh!!! really loh....my muscles are red!!! and my shoulders are in pain!!! damn damn...cant carry my bag properly...but seriously, qooo said i looked chio after i had the tan...hahaha....better leh...almost like blushing...kekeke...

He wants the pain to go away.

for me...i think things will haf changed...cos of juz wadeva is said and done...not mentioning wad is true and wad is not....fark lar...i dunwan it to change leh...everythin was so much better...so happy then...now its like so blahhh...

lost in interest...given up hope...excuses...

He asks for time to turn back.

Hmwk to be done: Lit prac crit
Econs TYS chapter 6 MCQ
Theory grade 1 and 2

tooopid derek juz msged me to ask about ip address for vs...cmon manz...i havent play the game in ages....

He wants to play cs.

anyway...juz woke up...time is 11.30am liao....gonna do my hmwk later...cos evening time going grandma house for her bday....

hahah oh yar....going to follow how sooch writes in her blog....

He is still tired.

haha...1st i think is yh...den lily...den zq...the email i dunno do how many times liao...yar yar...i love all of u manz~!!!

Everyone, and i mean everyone, will come to a point when they are tired of life, and they feel negative and bad. Definitely.

my bill juz came~!! and its 46 bucks~!! surprising leh...i tot might by 80 bucks or smth like dat....whew....heng sia...

update on the prev 2 days...

well...fri is investiture...really damn excited manz...go sch at 7...den go thru everything verbally again...den they had pairing again...and u know wad...tis time i was paired wif qooooo~!! hahaha my dear mei...she seems really jing3 zhang1....den anyway...went in and everyone was looking...damn nice leh...went to my seat den everything started...waited till damn sian. clap and clap until when its the 28th turn to go up and take badges...went up den took mine...but think i stick out my left hand too fast...so look abit funny...and damn damn damn...they PRINTED MY NAME WRONGLY~!!! its LIN and not LIM~!!!! wadeva la...so went to change it...so now no badge to wear...den after tat led the guest from other jcs downstairs for reception...and me as a member of college promotion...is obviously not doing his work...aiya wait lar...need time to settle down...den went back audi after tat watch perfomance....damn funny....den issac lim is super talented can...he play guitar and blow harmonica at the same time...den he create new lyrics...damn funny one...after tat is a performance by mr tham and a few teachers...damn funny....den kohgulan went up the stage act as tree oso....we luff till pengz can....den there is oso the performance by alot alot of teachers....everyone acted smth...den mr nathan was acting as a kacang puteh man...den miss ng was wearing tis convent sch u...mr lee and mr low was wearing all white sch uni...after tat...returned the blazers den went town...went marche to eat...den sorry la...everyone was walking so slowly so i was walking wif minsi at the front...den those guys behind damn narrow can....everytime sing "love changes everything..." bleah...wadeva can...me and her juz good frens...quite a few ppl went...giselle, dennis, khairi, ariel, andrew, kenneth, zijie, feli, minsi, angele, jeanne and think i miss out on someone...dunno la...after tat some left den we went bowling...but i dint bowl lar...tired lar...so me and khairi were slping there....after tat we went watch minority report....totally cool show...its a show which makes u look smart...den me and khairi zhao off to kallang meet jia...went watch fame the musical....whoa manz....2 wonderful shows in one day...1stly minority report den fame...fame totally rocks manz...i swear tat if i haf the chance...i will take part in tis kinda stuff...dancing...acting....singing....whew...like totally manz....anyway...i was like totally seh....tired like shit....reached home at 12....

next day...which is today lar...juz tat is 2am liao....morn woke up at 10 plus....ate and went boon lay for cip....wasted 3 hrs in total for travelling and stuff cos we did nothing there...but it shud be counted in as well...den went all the way back to yishun for lesson....for the theory did on a lot of extra stuff which teacher havent teach...so got them wrong...den muz put my heart to learning one new song...or else can nv get started....after tat took train to yck...changed 72 to tampines...den took train down to bedok....changed 14 to feli's house..her bday mah...ate abit party abit...den heng i nv get dunked in the pool.....cos i zhao alot...remembered about minority report..."everyone runs" but i got a bit of butter on the back of my shirt...thanks to greg arh...den zhao home earlier cos i dunwan to miss the last bus...made it in time...came home totally seh oso....manz....full of activites suddenly....mon got sc outing...going sentosa...lottas fun...zzZZzzZzz

hey jas....sorry about yest's outburst...really sorry...

the more u lie....the deeper u get....the harder u come out....and when someone finds u doing so....they purposely set a trap and see u lie...and see u getting deeper and deeper...until there is no redemption...

i have found the right girl liao~!!! =))))))))))))))

finally......after a comparison display...shows how angelic she can be...

heard rubin got a bit if prob...haiz tat guy arh...got problem nv share...at least let me learn smth rite...but anyway i know when he told me about the cinema thingie, i know smth is going to happen soon....but anyway its his prob...wont do anything unless asked...can only offer moral support....juz like the prev entry...can only be happy...cos she dunwan to tell me who issit...so there...=)

bleah...happy for her that she is finally happy and has found someone liao...unlike last time always so damn moody...at least now its better..happy for her...deep down lar...at least wont be so mafan anymore...

"when you don't know how to love someone, or rather don't know how to make someone love you, don't ever think or hope of being love or be in love."

u taught me to love...
and to be romantic...
i learn from u...
and yet u didnt meant to...
so whats love actually?

heard from feli she got F in maths and chem...den a lot of ppl oso said they damn jialat for chem...think its really hard....manz...think i am going to fail my lit and geog....

they going pubbin tmr again...dun think joining them...cos 1stly no money...bill coming real soon...den think i gotta pay alot...den oso no mood....too tired to party...den sat oso got pw and cip...

really missing her....

too bad gotta return the blazer tmr...if not den maybe can bring it ard haolian a bit....hahahha....

today sch ended at 2.50...but last 2 periods was crappy la...miss nathan went down wif nic and alex to choose the songs for tmr's investiture, so the whole class slacked thru la. Vanessa was spoiling my photo so i decided to destroy hers as well...in the end it all ended wif me putting her bag and pencil case on the ledge outside the corridor. Too bad shes too short to reach them, so dear june had to climb up a chair to take it...damn funny loh....then had PW meeting today...decided on a bit of stuff...but right now dun think i haf the time to do them...

after sch, went audi helped a bit, i did helped kay... den went canteen grab a bite. Went grandstand tok to tham and paul, about the soccer match. They were saying tis sat and its totally beepz for me cos i haf PW meeting tat day and cip in the aftnoon. Then plus tmr's investiture and fame at nite, i will be totally seh loh...anyway, went back audi after awhile...helped wif the tags and the chairs....moved a few chairs, and practise thru the pledge...was trying damn hard to tuck in my sch uni the whole time....cos its coming out. Then was looking at the photos during the LTC, realised that my pants a bit low...kekeke...nvm la...

after tat rehearsal took place...everyone was there except chun cos she had debate stuff...quite crappy la...cos bro paul changed a bit of stuff here and there, wanting top performances, den we machiam singers leh...want all of us to lead in singing...anyway, i shud be sitting at the 1st chair from the left, so shud be near the audience....then juz now rehearsal tis gal dunno why dunno how to climb steps, so fall down loh....damn malu if it happen tmr...but its going to be damn damn damn grand tmr....manz~!!! ITS THE DAY~!!!!!!!! FINALLY~!!!!! 3mths of hardwork...finally pay off...YEA MANZ~!!! its the day for all of us councillors....:)))))))can put on blazer and black leather shoes tmr....and oso the badge~!!! then tmr muz reach sch by 7....i almost tot i cudnt make it past today....was prac asleep during geog lect....heng i caught a bit of sleep during the 40 min break....geeez...cant wait for tmr to come....shud go and slp early today.....

would you run to me if someone hurt u and the someone was me?

if the person is me...i wudnt cos it will be dumb to do so....if you haf hurted me...wads the sense in me running to u?? to get hurt again? or perhaps to look it at a nicer pt of view...maybe to ask why did u hurt me...but why in the 1st place do u want to hurt me?

totally underestimate me lor...juz dunno me tat well la...my aims are to be a lawyer, or a psycho-maniac...haha no la...maybe in the fields of psychology...and yet such things can be said...such false stuff...misleading...and how the hell will i not know...got tis uncanny bit about deducing wads true and wads not...perhaps almost saying i got tis lie detector in me...hahah wadeva~~~

the process is good...

erm...juz got home from a 4hrs rehearsal for fri...kinda crazy manz....wasted so much time....den tot since we are all leaders, we ought to finish the task much faster. Anyway its okie lar...was fun anyway...and i got into CP~!!!!! YAY~!!!! college promotions....going to be fun...ariel and edmund are head and deputy head...got ee suan, zijie, sean and jingle in the grp as well...then SW is made up of all gals~!!! hahahah cant believe it manz...nic, cheryl, shiying, minsi, candice and trina...then for CA got khairi, gary, kenneth, yolanda, chun and jeanne...for CI there are andrew, yihan, delaine, vignes, isaring, peng yam and michelle(think mich is here...haha forgot liao...) think del a bit disappointed cos she wanted to get into CP very much...dunno la...

i am in for a crappy mood now cos i am horny~!!!
keke no lar....got the blazer for the investiture today...gotten a L size, slightly big for me but its okie lar. Then for lester low geog i was falling aslp manz cos its so comfortable inside the function room. Oh yar, found out my appetite has increased a lot alot since LTC, smth must be wrong manz...then i am damn hungry now cos its dinner time. Came back home sr8 from sch today leh~!! so proud of myself....=ppp
yar...and just tried out warcraft 3...its okie lar...smth like starcraft, strategy game but its slightly cheemer...not really my favs for this kinda game though...then tmr shud be going for soccer training after sc meeting...at 1st toa payoh sec...vince is going oso...dunno about marc...den my timetable change again...this time thurs one more period cos mon got one useless study period...

and discover that during econs, there are 4 ex-peiyings in the LT...me, abel, ee suan and sum yan...

parents juz came home, going to go out soon...havent bathe yet...siao liao lar...then just remembered, my chinese CT got 61, same with stacy...duno issit the highest in the class anotz...=p but 61 is lousy manz...even rayner got 66 and sy got like 70+...

then tmr gotta hand in 10 bucks for the walk-a-jog tee and 32 bucks for gp txtbk...siandified manz...

By not wanting to say anything, i can only pull back. Not being able to step forward hinders any progress.

erm....saw a lot of pple in town just now....went town with evien, stanley and paul, and also with khairi. Then after that khairi went to wisma then i go far east. Later at taka saw him but don't think he got see me...he was with liyana...hehehz...then before that saw eileen...after that was walking and this girl call my name...dunno wtf is her...cos nv see her face....then after that at the mrt station saw june and elaine...typical manz...i tot i was one of the few cjcians left in town at that time...

We peepz has upgraded into playing snooker liao~!!!! It seems classier though...cannot like xiao boy boy go play pool liao....maybe can lar...once in a while...

SC meeting this wed...
Investiture rehearsal this thurs...
Youth day celebration and investiture this fri...
next mon sch hol~!!!

bloody hell....got to buy gp textbook for 32 bucks....waste my money manz....oh yar....had chinese oral today.....abit sucky....the reading at 1st was okie...then i think i relaxed a bit too much...then read too slowly....then for the conversation...keep on repeating myself as i think of what to say....heng the examiner help me a bit by asking my ques...if not really nothing to say....

tired manz....everyone was falling asleep in class today...i fall asleep twice...once during lit lect i know...and the other is during lit tut...

Hope it will be a good start to a never ending finish...