Dear Blog,

Booking in soon. Will be a short book in. Tues night booking out. Almost bringing nothing in this time. Except i got myself a discman. Need some music in there. Lack of music is making me inhuman. Bringing in harry potter to read too. GP rehearsal throughout the week. Cough got worse. Thought it got better during last week. But nah heck. Bought some supplements too. Expensive stuff. Birthday was great. Had lunch and dinner with family. Supper with Ariel, Trina and Kenneth was wonderful. Thanks.

Have you ever thought of the person whom you like to marry? Someone whom you see as your ideal partner. Someone there to support you and be with you through everything. Someone who you see as a good spouse and parent. Ever go to the extent of thinking which roles both of you will play as parents?

In army, you see all kinds of people. People who have fear of guns, people who have allergy to cow grass, people who can't stop insulting others, people who has the mentality of a secondary school kid, people who think they are too great for others... and of course there are others who are your everyday normal guy that will make great friends. There are also others that shock you when they tell you that they are attached and when you look at the gf's photos, you really start wondering where did you go wrong.

Signin' off,
Lah

Dear Blog,

I just received the best birthday present ever... an admission into NUS FASS~!! =) It's the best thing that can happen now at this time... hehe... so happy... shiok...

Had the weirdest breakfast... cold birdnest with char siew bao...

IPPT cleared... SOC cleared... everything cleared... only 24km route march left... and POP...

Tonight sis flying off to china for school trip. She just gave me a dragonball figurine~!! haha... damn cute... something that i really like... i like cute figurines...

After so many things... i am beginning to see more hope in life now... more good things are happenning... oh well... aiya blabber blabber blabber...

Tataz,
Lah

Leavin' on a jet plane

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm ...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Dear blog,

Taking sometime off from my ps2 and tv and whatever else. I want to write a good entry. Been thinking of what to write since last night.

I was on the bed last night. All around me were happy sounds. Everyone was happy in a way or another. It was great. The mood... the atmosphere... the feeling... and it just made me think back...

It has been 8 weeks. 2 months ago i was hair-ful. So many things... so much experience... Best friend's call to wish me happy birthday made me think back to the day when i wished her the same thing. Time has flew. Field camp, SIT test, IPPT, SOC, BAC, BIC... so many things... learnt to build a basha... learnt to lead a platoon... still looking at the scar from the drip... got dirtier than ever before in my life... combat ration... camou cream... live firing... all the friends... zhi shen and his hp... isaac and his pimples... yuanxi and his retarded mind... joseph and his antics... adrian the fa cai cat... and the many platoon mates from other sections... the yandaos, zihao and songbin... B cube aka big breast boy amir... being part of CO's nite... coming in with a good result... the soccer at night... my sbo and helmet... with my sweat... learnt to greet an officer... learnt of who are the nice sergeants and who suck... leanrt how to miss my friends and family... learnt how to KO everywhere... legs got bigger... arms got bigger... stamina got better... still trying to get to emart to get a bigger jockie cap... still trying to get the right timing for the whole coy during drills...

Haizzz... POP soon... i should me happy... but i am going to miss lots of stuff... going to miss shitting in the last cubicle at level four... going to miss yuanxi's craziness... going to miss saying the SAF core values... going to miss going to the bar and doing my max... going to miss the feeling of anticipating whether i will receive any sms whenever i on the phone... going to miss the "down down down down~!! nvm slow... crunches change~!!! by sgt charles...

I am feeling sad... shouldn't write anymore... tired... song is platoon best... don't think he deserve it... he's too slack... but its the instructors' choice... i respect that... brought back everything today... so vesak day book out don't have to bring so many things... realised that i need music while in bunk... else i will feel very dead... shall burn a cd and smuggle it in... heck liao... maybe buy a discman... or i borrow from anyone of them... maybe bring harry potter in to read before going to watch the show...

Today's games day... shouted until throat almost died... got a polo tee to remember my bmt in delta coy by... guess that's all... take care folks...

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

It doesn't take me long to realise what you were saying
But it took me ages to decide on my reaction
Some people thought i was bothered
But i don't think i am anywhere near that
The guy looks for me for support
But i couldn't find anything to give him
His mind is too strong for his body
I guess he will kill himself eventually
So if he does, i won't have any grief
Afterall he is a fighter, a loner, a solo
People could all see that and so no one asks
They know he could handle it all
For he always had
But like the bee that i killed yesterday
He was quite trapped when he got confused
I thought he would find a way out
But he didn't want to and stay stuck
In the shit hole that he never wanted to get into.

I ask for the simplest things. Material wealth doesn't mean much to me. You want my money i can give you. If it makes you happy. You want my field pack i can give it to you as well. At most i just tell PS i lost my field pack. If it makes you happy.

But...

If ever once i was hurt so deeply by you, don't ever think that i will ever say "if it makes you happy" to you. I cannot stand liars. I cannot stand cheats. I cannot tolerate any request from you.

Me and him were talking about sex partners that day. If it comes to selfishness and generosity, one night stand partners give you the most. They got nothing to lose. Nothing to lose, everything to gain from. How good can it get?

Sorry i've changed. ;)

Signin' off,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Mind in a mess. Just woke up. I need another of those super long weekends. Had a great night yesterday. Sexay. =p

Uh um... no time to write. Lots of things happened. Some really important ones. Some got me all screwed up.

Been running away from things. Unable to act according to my personality.

Anyway, went for a swim. Been a long time. Tanned. Body's still aching. 16km.

Wonder why people like to sabotage others. Wonder why that teo guy is chosen to lead in coy activities. You people just love to see incapable people doing fucked up jobs and screwing up their duties. Why do names of "relatively weaker" people the first ones to come out when the sgts ask for suggestions for the next in charge.

FFX. Typical FF characters. There's the super chio Yuna and the ultra cute Rikku. I like the game. But a lot of watching of videos on how the story develops. Machiam like watching a playable movie.

Mj session yest was great. Think gotten too use to the rules we set. Whenever play with other people, all the funny rules they set made me sian.

Co nite on wed. Can wear CV. Games day. Pulled out from warcry team. Doing too many things in life again. Would rather not do something if i cannot fully commit.

Got something at the back of my mind that is bothering me. But can't remember what. And oh yeah... good riddance to bad rubbish. All the bad rubbish should be tied up in a trash bag and thrown away.

Another of those girlie girlie fights. Unleash your claws manz... entertainment time...

PS's wedding on the 30th. He and Sgt Low asked and said some stuff during 16km. Made me think and think. OCS or Sispec? I trust my feelings and i don't like what i am feeling.

That's all. And oh ya... i don't remember the last time i thought deeply of her. Have fun.


Bookin' in,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Booking in soon. Had a nice weekend. Chiong PS2 with yf last night. Damn fun. Before that went watch movies. Both very nice. It was amusing and highly entertaining to see frankenstein "tarzaning" around like that and thinking how come achilles can die just from an arrow shoot into the ankle. It is not as if there is any vital organs there or he die from excessive bleeding right? Great to see Yu, Ariel, Dennis and Gary. Then went Zee10 met the dudes. Met best friend. Nice seeing her because I MISS HER LOTS. =p

SOC last week sucked. Getting worried over it now. Got to push myself harder. BCCT stretching exercises very extreme now. Scared groin will tear anytime. 16km coming friday. Live grenade coming wednesday. Going to buy FFX guidebook before going in so that can read during admin time.

Pasir Ris run was fun. Relaxed. Though we all sweat a lot. If jog slowly for a long distance, you won't feel tired easily and you can sweat a lot.

Haha... realised my words not coming out properly. Reminds me of wf's sms.

2 weeks and 5 days to POP.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Whoa... blogger changed the whole layout overnight... it is much classier now...

Anyway, booking back in soon... bought my ps2~!!! haha... damn happy... been playing since morning... and i got it cheaper than i was told...

OC parade tmr... think it's going to be fun...

People out there... take real good care of yourselves... have more water parades... lights out at 1030... remember to take your malaria pills too... and don't forget to wash your underwear...

Bookin' in,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Had a nice encouraging talk with Gary. But it all feels so weird and fake. I mean if i can then can la. If can't then can't la. Why am i pushing it so hard? Don't want to care. Just want to be myself. If i am not garang, then i shouldn't wayang. But i am garang.

Anyway, Dad bought a tv for me. Shocked. Because it is a good tv. Planning to buy a PS2 to go with it. So every weekend when i book out i will have stuff to do. So the phone can wait for awhile.

My platoon doesn't have many dumbwits. A few blur ones here and there. But there are definitely arrogant ones. Don't quite like them. But what can i do? I don't gossip about them. I don't want to challenge them. So i keep quiet. My section is curbing my personality. CK said it too. It sucks. Indeed it does. I am not allowed to be who i am. It would have been good if i am in any of the other sections. But fate leads me there... and yeah... i will accept that.

Ever since that night, Song has kept on telling me to forget her. We talk a lot. I don't know why. We will just talk. I feel comfortable with him. Shitting side by side, he will tell me he misses his ex. And i will tell him to forget her la. During training, when i stone, he will tell me to stop thinking of her. Haha... i really don't think of her anymore. But he's fun. We have lots of things to share. Slowly la i guess... as time goes by... That night he was so worried i will whack *** up. Haha... i don't whack people up la. He is in a confused state still. So long already. And furthermore there's someone better already waiting for him. Ah well... i think we will go a long way...

I've became numbed on that issue. Haven't had my one last cry yet. Don't think it is possible for me to have it also. Can't leave it all behind. Still keeping it all inside. Want to give it all up, but when the time comes, i put on a stronger front. My real emotions do not want to come out. I think it will stay with me... not forever... until i am ready... i don't know when i will be ready... but i will be... maybe even now i am ready... but i just need that someone to spark it off...

What is a rebound? Song and me talked about that but i can't really remember clearly about what we said now. What happens when a rebound isn't a rebound but a real liking? Can't a person like another after a breakup? Can it not be considered a rebound?

FHM is treated like treasured items in camp. Better ones like loaded are treated like playboy. Imagine if someone brings playboy in.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Did i say that Delta Coy got everything all squashed up? I realised we are one of the fastest Coy to finish everything. Guess what, if i get a silver for next tues IPPT test, no more IPPT Spec for me. And all that's left is SOC.

Oh and they rescheduled my BIC date to 25th May. POP on the 5th of june. Soon. Sis leaving on school trip on the 4th. Damn... had wished that she can come and see me at the parade.

And you. You better take care of yourself. Your message did give me a shock. Actually was angry with myself that i went to sleep so early. If i didn't i would had seen the message and would at least have been there for you. But nvm la... i know you are already better now.

Want to watch Van Helsing and 50 first dates. But don't feel like going out.

Dad's changing the layout of the house. The furniture downstairs are moved to the the 2nd floor now and i think he's buying a flatscreen tv for the living room. My tv's gone but he says he's going to buy one for me.

Planning to buy something expensive. Think it will be a phone.

Have fun peeps,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Hee... i am back. Long weekend. I am a lucky ass. Luckily PS gave me guard duty on friday, which was a blessing in disguise... well maybe not considering that i haven't been doing enough SOC. Anyway... had a good night rest... now all recharged... going to spend some quality time with myself. Some personal space.

Lots of things happened. Booked in last Sunday. Sit Test on Monday. Well... it is true that when you are shagged you cannot think. The whole week, i experienced that a few times. SHAGGED UNTIL CANNOT THINK RIGHT????!?! =p

Sit Test. Don't think that i performed well. Argh i don't know la. I did make some intelligent comments. I did make some realistic observations. And i did gave the solution which helped gave us our first and only successful station. But i wasn't vocal enough. When you are shagged, you move much slower. It is pretty amazing how people can be so naive and dumb. Well... maybe it is just the shagness. All the smart alecs will bomb their ideas and even before planning out everything, they started doing the step one. And going on and on until step four to find out that the whole thing doesn't work. I think i am the only person with enough sense of urgency in my detail. Either they are all too shagged(again) to do things quickly, or they are just born slow. Like hello, this is a scenario, a situation, the casulty is dying... and all of you are slowly tying your harness to yourself. The instructor already say in ten minutes, the helicopter will run out of fuel, and you all can still happily discuss on the method which obviously doesn't work. Yeah it's true that i don't have a workable method, but at least i know that method you all are discussing doesn't work. Whatever la. The first day day was damn xiong. The weather was totally... hot hot and hot. Luckily 2nd day after the fourth station there was CAT 1. So our 2nd day was cut short. Then during the peer appraisal, there was conspiracy among the platoon 3 people. Me la. And Chris and Zhihong. Haha... Was platoon IC... did nothing much... until we went back.

Stand by universe. SGT Ong wanted that. Because he was pissed. Pissed with i don't know who or what. I swear we all tried our best. At least i did. we clean up in the morning. He didn't state what time he wanted it. In the afternoon he hinted it again. So i had the whole platoon did a thorough cleanup again. They all did their job. The toilet cleaners clean the toilet a 2nd time. SGT Ong still didn't check. I was under lots stress, like what the hell... i had the whole platoon clean up and you still fucking don't want to check us. Later in the evening, SGT Ong said the check was at 8pm. Later on, PS said the Stand by universe was called off. Who am i to believe. I didn't hear that. But a few of them said got. At 1955, SGT Ong shouted up and said he's coming up in 5 minutes. WTF. If this is the way to play me, then... good for you. Actually i didn't believe it would be called off. But i didn't dare to ask the whole platoon, all 44 of us to clean up the whole bunk, corridor, toilet, SBO, helmet and every single fucking shit again. We had our "smartest four" parade before that, and everyone was shagged. True, if i am a better leader, i would had asked them all do the whole shit thing again. But i ain't. And before he came up, there was a bug infestation. You know those flies that are attracted to the light. Never seen so many of them at one time in my life before, and check out their sizes. Bigger than house flies. People were sweeping them out, creating dust and sand everywhere. Who had time to clean their own stuff? And when SGT Ong came up, he didn't check any of the SBOs or helmets. He only check for dust in the bunk... and something which most of us forgot... the interior of our wardrobe. I know it was my mistake. I should have made sure everyone clean every part, but the cleaning of the inside of the wardrobe slipped my mind. Kena kped. He asked me to wake up my fucking idea. =) Haha... I told him frankly, we cleaned the whole area thoroughly twice today already. He said he gave up on us already, but i don't he will. Enough on this.

IPPT Evaluation. Silver. =) Pleased. Didn't had to stay back for RT. Only 2 Golds. Yew Song and Eugene. Fucking fit. Josept missed Gold by 4 seconds for his 2.4. Choon Kit missed it by 10 seconds. I ran with Zhi Shen, because i wasn't confident. It was my 1st run in months. We paced each other well and surprisingly, it was a relaxed run for me. I guess the route marches and the field camp and everything had made us fitter.

Wilson took over me as IC. I think the SGTs just played a joke on him. They just want to whack him like mad. Then yesterday after guard duty, came back to find out that Kent took over.

Guard Duty. For losing my oil bottle. Did it with Choon Kit, Yew Song, Eugene, John and Gary on friday night. Some for losing tent pin, never bring range card, never bring water bottle, never guard properly never guns. We missed the first hand grenade lesson, and the next morning SOC. Guard duty is damn tiring. We sort of counted, and i think in the end, we walked more than 12 km in the end. Had some sort of parade at 10 and it was fun. I love doing drills la. Then there was a couple of turn-outs. My last shift was from 12 to 2 and it was damn draggy. Had to make 2 rounds around BMTC and the last round was mentally torturing. Luckily the dog from Foxtrot followed me and CK and we gave it some of our biscuits. CSM from Leopard was fishing at 2am in the morning. Slept from 2 plus until 5 plus before going back Coy line. Bathed and slept until the rest came back. Still shagged then. Area cleaning then booked out.

NUS interview. They asked me lots of current affairs questions. I didn't know interview is like that one. Was damn paiseh i don't even know who the minister of defence is. Asked me talk about the iraqi prisoners stuff. How the hell would i know when i was in camp and i just had time to glance at the article in bunk? Don't know la. Don't know what impression i gave. It was all very GP stuff. I think they only want to know if i can think. Hopefully they will accept me.

Mother's Day dinner. Went thomson there. Both sides of the family came. Sat with Janine and 3rd Aunty they all. Ate hell lot. I think cost for feeding me has gone up since i went tekong.

Thats all folks.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog, (thanks yf)

When you just had a major illness, and you recover from it, although not totally, you will just feel much weaker as compared to before.

Yesterday had SOS... well... it was fun. But i didn't make it fun for myself. It was slightly too packed for my liking and the crowd wasn't too good either. It was fun because Eugene and Yew Song was there. But their VJ friends were there so i wasn't entirely comfortable. But it was great fun seeing Eugene "fishing" for girls. He didn't get any last night. He said he wasn't in the mood but 2 almost got hooked. But well... they ran away.

There were too much guys and they were pricks. They walked past you without moving to the side and will ram their shoulders into you. There was a fight(duh). The girls were too reserved. =p I swear i've changed.

Ran into someone i fear to see. Saw some stuff that will help me become happier slowly.

Did something which i hated to do. But well... promise i will try not to do it again... i won't get hooked on it la...

Erm... if anyone of you are praying tonight... help me to thank God for sparing my life that day... =)

Going to book in soon. Sit test next week. Thanks Dennis for the advices. Hope to do a good job. Oh ya... yesterday met Kelvin at SOS. He is a commissioned officer now. Doing a PC job at somewhere i can't remember. Wah lanz... thinking back he was just my senior in cathigh playing crappy badminton. And he was platoon best. Sheesh...

That's all. Take care.

Yours,
Lah