It has been a rather eventful mid term break. PRC camp left me tired and needing a break. So didn't really get round to doing much work till wed. At least managed to really do proper work on wed. Finished up with my trauma psych revision. Another round to go next week. Attended Gary's wedding which was nice and sweet. Then some L4D with the guys. SMU's Vegas Night was initially promising. Until we saw the damn lousy structure. Emailed the guys about my own idea of holding our own tournie. Been playing Heroes of Newerth. Pretty interesting.

Coming back home, with the stark realisation of the amount of school work waiting for me. How nice.

But it was a good weekend. I came to realise how good a camp was is hard to define. It wasn't fantastically smooth-sailing, yet at the end, we all knew it was a good camp. There were many moments of unhappiness for me, yet there were so many times when i laughed wholeheartedly.

This camp brought more insights to me regarding the PRCs we thought we knew so well. Yes there were the unshaven armpits, there was the lingering odour, there were the loud and noisy mandarin banter, and also the geekiness of those scholars.

I didn't go with much expectations, probably because i wasn't expecting too much difficulty. Yes it was an outdoor camp, and we indoor coaches may find it difficult. Well ... I've been cheering aplenty in school for the past 3 years, and people in school know i love to cheer. It was like returning to a familiar scenario, yet i wanted to keep the mask on. Maybe i didn't want to ban meng long fu, knowing how good the outdoor coaches are (but trust me we are matchable). I can't believe i even called junyue to ask him for his cheers but end up not using because my major groups had strong enough coaches to lead the cheers.

Perhaps i ought to regret taking a backseat, and that maybe if i had lead in the cheers and be more outdoor-ish, i would gain more satisfaction now. But i guess i wanted to concentrate on what i am stronger in.

Sometimes I am really glad for this proficiency in both aspects ... yet sometimes it leaves me in a dilemma.

Anyway ... back to the PRC camp. It was quite a sight seeing them arriving at the camp site. It was basically Chinatown and i was shocked to see some of them decked in jeans. Upon our first breakout, i found out they were there more for the fun and happiness than anything else. Well, i guess their expectations helped in making the camp a success when we offered more =p

I am truly glad to be part of this experience and has learnt a lot from this culture exchange. They hate to sit down. Yes. It's EXTREMELY difficult to get them to sit down. They would rather talk standing up, eat standing up, rest standing up ... it's damn hard for us to understand.

Reasons found : The floor is too hard thus if you sit too long, their backside will be sore. They will feel lazy and lethargic if they sit down. They rate backside sore much worse than legs sore. At night when they sleep, they still need to rely and press on their backside, but their legs are rested hence might as well just rely on their legs during the day.

Anyway my point was that it wasn't easy to manage 300+++ PRCs if they refuse to sit down. So hard to do head count. So messy. So chaotic.

But i guess both us and them slowly acclimatise to each other's practices. Day 2 onwards, they begin to be less resistant to sitting down and we were more tolerant of them standing up.

We were told to converse in them in English, but i was just conversing to them in mandarin if i really wanted them to understand something better. All in all, i am just really happy to be doing this camp with the indoor coaches like Lifen, Zhang, Yuyuan, Don, Dejun, Choo and Theresa ... being part of this pioneer group handing this project. Am really impressed with the outdoor coaches like Tim, Jason, Ivan, Norman and Sham with their boundless energy and crazily power rapport building.

Oh ... and my group too. Although they were a few who were more introverted, a bit nonchalant, but for the rest who were polite, respectful, helpful and enthusiastic, I really bonded well with them. Was very touched when they all wrote something in a file for me. Haha can't help but to haolian to the rest of the coaches. =x

On the 3rd day, we threw them a performance night and the performances they came up with within the time constraint just showed us how united, how creative, how talented they are.

Ah well ... till the next time then. For now, i've got to deal with the tens of mosquitoes bites on my legs.

Was at the wake for the past 2 nights. It was heart-wrenching having to see his face on a photo, for it was something i haven't seen before. It was always face-to-face. Always physical. Always real.

The first night was coming in terms with reality. He was just lying there. Head swollen probably due to the concussion.

The second night we had most of the guys there. Zico, JC, Gary and I were talking and joking about the good old days. Even when Weiming, Ivan and Alvin came, the recalling of fond memories continue; all the stupid and crazy things we all did back in our BSS office. But we were missing him ... Shaun.

I wanted us all to move next to his coffin to continue our conversations. He ought to be part of them all.

We were laughing, not out of respect. Rather, it was more of masking our pain, more of rejecting the idea that he wasn't there listening and being part of us. What Alvin said rang true. "It's unfortunate we have to meet again under such circumstances." Perhaps we ought to have a gathering earlier.

Looking at his parents and sister, i could relate very well. It was very saddening ... very unfair. No one wanted it to happen, and no parents would want to see their child go to the heavens first. It was too difficult looking at his mum and sis ...

And i was wondering perhaps my optimism came from the fact i haven't been exposed to enough funerals. They suck the positivity out of you. But my mum said because of such things, we all need to remain optimistic.

I didn't go for the cremation this morning. Perhaps i was running away from the anticipation of pain. Perhaps i thought maybe i wasn't close enough.

Rest In Peace Shaun Mok. You will be in our memories.

I want to write this down when i still have some memories have him. I wasn't really that close to him, but he was part of us ... part of this special group that i had lots of fond memories with.

To say the truth, i kind of guessed it was him when i got that sms. But i refuse to accept the truth and had to probe more. Up till now, i still wish Zico is pulling my leg.

You can say this is an eulogy, but i just wish to say something for someone ... someone that i can choose to say i've taken for granted for all the times he had helped me, for all the times he had obliged with my decisions and tasks. I guess we didn't click because of the rank thing, or perhaps he was my 2IC, or perhaps his interests and mine didn't match ...

But i know he wanted to. He talked to me about his life and love, and i did what i could, even though i do admit it was weird. Or rather, i somehow felt that the things i said didn't matter much. He was always there with the group ... Zico, me, Ivan, Andrew, Albert, Alvin, Lova, Martin .. and him. He was always covering up my loose ends with all the administrative stuff, and i know that even though one of his arms is shorter, his basketball would win me any day. He was always passionate about diving, and food. And i would remember him with his Sony Ericsson phone that has lots of games. Even though he doesn't play chinese chess or soccer with us, I remember the daiti and the risk times.

He was the one doing up our job when i took those long-term leaves, and the one always making Staff See and Warrant Mogan happy. Always cheerful. I remember him always asking me "Why so angsty?". And i didn't know the meaning back then. But ever since, i've been using HIS question quite often when i meet frustrated people.

I didn't think this would happen so soon in my life. But to feel it now, it's really saddening. He has got his dreams too ... why him? I heard he was training for a triathalon when it happened. I wish he wasn't in too much pain.

For all he had done and for all he was, God Bless.

Got back from HK!

Good trip ... plenty of shopping ... and a crazily happening event at the customs. Walked till my legs almost came off but visited many places. And most importantly, spent lots of precious time with the gf.

Kind of sad that i got to give up sept camp cos it clashes with too much of my classes and deadlines.

Alright photos might be uploaded when the gf uploads them.