從遇見你 在一起 笑過愛過爭吵過
當初的愛究竟 都藏到哪去了...


When an organization is in a transition phase, just like a relationship in a similar phase, things get complicated and it's always tougher. I guess no one really likes changes and everyone just has to work a lot harder.

Thank goodness it didn't rain this morning until 11 plus am =) The outdoor stations and activities went on smoothly and it was just amazing looking at the students having so much fun.

As much as my psychology knowledge and textbooks can teach me with the theories and academic stuff of autism, honestly, they all don't match up. I thought I've seen plenty of different types of children at AK, but boy I am so wrong. Interacting with some of them proved to be highly challenging and at the same time, some others would never cease to stop conversations.

Today was my first time I have first-hand interaction with them and it opened my eyes to the world of autism. They are very focused upon their own thoughts and actions, and seldom have regards for what is going on around them. In a bad way, they do not care a hoot about things going on around them, yet they can be geniuses with art and design. They are clearly not stupid either, but they just perceive things differently.

Jason, who is my upperstudy, has been awesome. I have made a vow to myself that, I would not and cannot allow myself to feel lost when he leaves. These 3 months would be crucial. He is starting to hand me more and more stuff, but I really like this feeling and experience. Even though it was stressful at times, but I like to think I can thrive under these times. And if anyone is to think it's easy to run a school, trust me, it can be challenging.

Faz has been amazing too. Even though we came in on the same day, he has been doing much much more because of his job description and we are both supporting each other as much as we can. It's almost like we knew how each other would feel because we came in together.

And on top of that, LM and Linda are absolutely encouraging and supportive.

Oh and I wanted to stay behind and finish up some stuff but I don't have the keys to the room in my office =/ so I guess it's time to request for my own keys.

With that, I've promised to give everything I've got into this career. Watch me.

"So I was grateful to leave the confinement of my empty apartment and join in the animated spirit and human interaction of the holidays at my Starbucks store. Behind the register, and out in front doing my Coffee Tastings and pastry samplings, I was part of a convivial group, and the constant pain and guilt I felt in my heart at all the hurt I had caused - more intense during these "family holidays" - was partially subdued or - from time to time - forgotten entirely in the rush of activity working the frantic shifts in my store."
-Michael Gill

"My father lived in a kind of terror of losing his mind. Through his mindful, constant effort of will and talent he had been able to keep his mother's tragic death from drowning him in depression.

But he had to fight against the deep down current every day.

My father had developed his powerful version of denial of his constant pain: first through his writing, which became more and more optimistic and entertaining as he deliberately found more enjoyable subjects than the terrible truth and searing hurt of those traumatic early memories. Then he also escaped through his embrace of a larger public role as an articulate celebrity known for his ability to amuse."

-Michael Gill


Everyone faces emotional negativities every now and then in their lives. Some came upon events of large magnitude of impact, and some people never got out of it. Some people got permanently scarred, and yet never learnt. Some people learnt and then moved on. Some people never give up and just paced back and forth.

Certain people with very strong mental strength can often create very powerful images and beliefs of things in themselves. If these are positive, they are extremely beneficial. At the same time, if it's a powerful version of denial, something which i am unfamiliar with, i believe it's a double-edged sword.

One's belief of denial can be so strong that it creates an entirely new set of beliefs. Yes it can be unrealistic and idealistic, but it can also save a life. If his Dad didn't stay in that state of denial, he would probably have committed suicide. Yes he was miserable, but he was at least coping, and living.

I will take these next few weeks and months to feel and learn as much as I possibly could, and as much as possible in a neutral state of mind. Only when I am able to achieve that then I would be able to see everything around me clearly, knowing exactly what my feelings and what my thoughts meant.

It's amazing how many sub-folders I can create in my outlook account in one afternoon.

But having my own telephone line and telephone on my table makes me very happy, as though i am important HAHA =x

The staff room is majorly huge! And I love the people in my room =) Interesting fact: An older guy and an older lady sit in front of me and beside me respectively. Thing is maybe because i haven't worked in such a situation before, it's very interesting to observe when they 'interact' and the things they say =p

And work is really neverending. Because there is always room for improvements, revamps and cleaning up of old SOPs. I think i will need that coffee everyday =/

Excited about tmr Children's Day event collaboration with Dell ... things are really moving very quickly over here and we are diving right into it.

All i can say is, work has been really great and amazingly exciting. For all that had happened in the past 2 months, I am glad they have all helped me be prepared in one way or another, mentally and emotionally.

"I could not deny the feeling of a growing happiness in my heart. This new, quiet, inner happiness kept catching me unawares in the midst of a rush of serving a big line at Starbucks. I also felt my happiness blossom in a kind of warmth in my heart in the nurturing silences and my lack of any real social life."
- Michael Gill

Came online to check my work email cos boss said to look out for updates to the event 2 days later. 12 emails received already in the first day! I'm really loving this great experience and for now, I like to think I feel, breathe and live this career. =)

Need to sleep now. Apologies for no song tonight =\

"Many experienced baristas gradually asked for 'no openings' or 'no closings' or 'no weekends.' I felt that I might be able to do that eventually, but this first year I knew I would have to offer flexibility. And I still felt that way. Especially since I still didn't really know what I was doing. I felt that Starbucks was still more valuable to me that I was to Starbucks. So I gave me life completely - physically, mentally, and emotionally - and promised, verbally and in writing, that I would be available whenever they needed me." - Michael Gill (Author of How Starbucks Saved My Life)



On the way back home, I was sitting alone in the bus and had plenty of time to think. Looking out of the window and seeing the vast fields and plains, and the light blue sky, it hit me that I am just an extremely small component in the whole wide universe.

I was even smaller than a cow.

At there and then, time seemed to slow down and stop altogether. I was like floating through these things that had stopped and it became clear what are important in life and what aren't.

And movies always make me think. Rewatched He's just not into you and Letters to Juliet. Love the Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck story.

Did plenty of shopping today. Visited the Floriade festival. Painted a buzz lightyear gnome but I don't know what possessed me to think that his face is purple in colour.

Took plenty of shots. Will upload the photos when I get back and it would probably paint a story.

For now, time to pack up and get some sleep.

Tomorrow would be a new phase of life all over again.

Wicked the musical was awesome! Been awhile since I last watched a musical.

Managed to get gifts for a few dear friends.. even though I'm still very bad with presents, I think I like to show my appreciation to certain ppl in my life.

At B&G now. Amazing meeting all these new ppl, especially when they are all so friendly and welcoming. =) Got invited to play some poker with them .. and old habits do die hard >.<

Perhaps because in spore, I've always had the support I need there or things to do when I'm free, but over here I found much more time to think abt things. It feels like a chapter summary to all these weeks of thoughts.

Started reading How Starbucks saved my life. 1/3 through already and there have been numerous inspiring paragraphs. Will post them up soon when I'm done with the book.

3am. Sleep.

Amazing song~


Didn't managed to sleep much last night on the plane. The movies that SIA was showing were ... shocking. There were lots of things to watch on the hundreds of channels, but out of all the new movies showing, there was only Predator that I haven't watched that is probably worth a look at(or not!). Ended up watching Monga ... Pretty intense stuff .. Brotherhood and Gangsters are just separated by a thin line.

Air turbulance was pretty bad for 2 hours so hardly had a wink. Zzz.

But today was great. Took the train to Central and checked into the backpackers lodge. Decent room. Walked down to University of Sydney to take a look around and it was wonderful seeing all those 'lawn-lazers' again. Went down to the Sydney fish market for lunch and to check out their amazing amount of seafood delicacies. Had lobster, grilled eel, sashimi, oysters, fish and buttered prawns. Though spent quite a bit too =x

Crossed over to Darling Harbour and the view was fantastic. The weather on its own is already amazing. It's like someone has fixed an aircon over the whole of Sydney and it is just perfect.

Took a boat to see the various sights and then finally alighted at the Opera House. Finally managed to see this famous building in person ... it's basically just like the Esplanade la haha.

Saw plenty of buskers and street performers while walking along the roads. Took the train back to Central to catch some sleep before going to a Thai restaurant for dinner. Fantastically huge portions so I think i am gonna gain some weight! =)

Checked out Chinatown and it's very much like one of those Taiwan's night market. Lots of food and wares and whatnots.

Ok it's has been an awesome day. Got to catch some more sleep to compensate for last night. Night mate!

Off to Sydney later! Will be a 美好的旅行~ =)

Though I like this clip done up by someone else more ... cos got none of the boy talking and interrupting with the song =x but then got an irritating girl speaking in the middle of the clip =/

I found some Tumblr pics and quotes that I really like ...



"I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."
— Nicholas Sparks (Dear John)

"All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as water. And that’s the tragedy of living."
I Wrote This For You: The View On The Way Down (via kari-shma)

"We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it."
— Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook)



... contradicting as they all are, this is life for you ... =)

林依晨's new album. Very positive songs for the downhearted =)



Met Shuhui with Fai for dinner at Greenwood. We both love the place! Decent food and there's some different special offer everyday. Today's offer was $1 oysters!

It's really been awhile since I met her, and looking at her, she's doing really great in her life. We haven't really changed very much, but I feel we have all grown. All of us had a really good talk about relationships and life, and to me, it was good hearing from her because of her life experiences.

Last month, they all said everything happened for a reason. I wasn't convinced then, but I am fully convinced now. Because whatever happened could possibly just be the best thing ever.

I have never felt like this in my life before, and I don't know of a better description than 'peace with myself'.

其是想了想，他的意思也不算难理解。



要成才，就必须独立，必须付出心血，要奋斗，也要努力面对错折。勇敢的去争取所为是自己的。

Anyway, having watched 海派甜心, I am glad that both Show Luo and Rainie Yang are nominated for Best Actor and Best Actress respectively for the Golden Bell Awards =)

Thanks to the KTV last night, I'm in an oldies' mood tonight. Reminisce a bit about growing up la.

張學友






劉德華

The plan for Sydney is sounding very awesome. Thanks Qing! =)

I like the dialogues of this MV.


And few people actually know this is the 下集 of <如果这就是爱情> ...


Found something ... which we all more or less know ...

Stage 1 - The Romance Stage
This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can't get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other... mainly because you're both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities - you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as "bad" in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can't imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you're in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that "head over heels in love" feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons.
Bottom line - you are happier than you've ever been, and can't imagine ever feeling any differently.


Stage 2 - The Disillusionment Stage
This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors! ). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner's little habits aren't quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you're willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who she/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you've just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.


Stage 3 - The Power Struggle Stage
This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a "bad" thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can't be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you're unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively - to communicate and work together as a team, even though it's tempting to believe that your partner's sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they'll move on to....the next stage (:


Stage 4 - The Stability Stage
This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn't perfect, but your personal differences aren't quite as threatening as they used to be. You're able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.


Stage 5 - The Commitment Stage
This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore... yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you've chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you've made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend. There are few surprises about your partner's habits or character in this phase. You've collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together - you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.

About the author: Sarah M. Schultz, MA, CPC is a certified Personal Development Coach in Park City, UT.
----------------------------

Well ... I think what would be awesome is just to be yourself right from the very start. In this way, the disillusionment stage's impact is very much reduced, and hence, creating a more positive power struggle stage. Thing about the first stage is that it's too overwhelming. Everything else other than happiness and bliss is overlooked. It would definitely help to trash everything out from the start and just be who you are. If the two of you ain't compatible, please convince yourself so. But then again, they won't call it the fantasy phase for nothing if you would be aware of such things.

最终, 我们只不过 ... 如此 ...



Circumstances and situations often cause regret. If this regret isn't dealt with properly, anger and then hatred will seep through. Few people would possibly be able to hate themselves for long, and in a bid for happiness and survival, the hatred will usually be directed to another source.

3 nights back, and last night, I was out with several friends. And these talks we had, and are going to keep on having, not only put in place realistic perspectives, but also heal our souls.

Most of the times, I've grown to be very aware of my feelings and emotions. For much of it, I understood why I was feeling like that; for some, I don't quite fathom the reason. For most of the time, I like what I am feeling; yet there were times whereby I knew it's only human to feel that way. I realize I was constantly giving myself answers, and then when I hit a wall, one with no answers whatsoever, I convinced myself it's just the world.

Shrugs. It's the most simplistic way of thinking ... the only one that I know of =)

Looking back, everything happened too quickly. No? But these things ALWAYS happen too quickly.

别认为自己是邪恶的. 因为你不是.

去做你应该做的. 要恨，那就恨我.

To the many people who have left comments, even though i don't publish them, but i am still notified of them yeah =) thanks!



Today's picnic was well-planned and it was supposed to be awesome. Thing is i am absolutely disappointed by how irresponsible one can be. It's not easy to prepare all the food needed for the 8 people who were supposed to attend, let alone plan it. Extreme disdain.

Well, you can say that you are absolutely responsible to your work, and hence could not leave to attend a social/recreation event last minute. Yes work is important, and i perfectly understand how work can be like. But if there is any indication that you might not be able to attend, or simply do not wish to, state it outright a few days back. People have often taken these things for granted and let me tell you this, you did not only waste Trina's effort and time, you wasted mine too. We can very well prepare less food, do not have to worry about you not being able to find the place or subject our egos to test to wonder who will or who won't turn up to something that we organise.

Clearly it was a litmus test. And if things are like that, we will all stop planning things eventually.

Pardon my frankness.

To my feminist friends out there, or to female friends who tend to read too deeply into meanings, don't read this entry! I don't mean it as serious as i sound.



Finally home! Been a long and great day!

Went to recce Botanical Gardens for tmr's picnic, and it's the first time i am there =/ Yeah i know a bit no childhood but it's a bit off from where i stay. The parks i used to go to when i was young was Yishun Park =x

After that, went down to the MBA Tour with Trina. Heard and learnt many things, and in a way, it provided a direction for me to go towards and a great way to prepare my mentality in starting off my career.

One of the speakers commented on GMAT scores. If he had wanted to rise the GMAT average of the university, he would simply just need to bring in more mainland chinese and India indians. Hilarious.

My pursuit of MBA. In 4 years time. Pretty reasonable =)

Today's talks with friends centered on many topics, but i like to bring up two in particular. Haha as a social science student, this is what i am interested in so pardon me. Please note that it means no offense to anyone and it's just purely for discussion purposes. And to make this really clear, it may or may not have happened to me, but it has definitely happened to the people around me.

Firstly, there is this emergence of the new generation women. Not to say there wasn't any before, because there certainly were, but it is now a much sizeable population, that it's becoming a trend. This group of NGW, because of the change in era, is well educated, places career very high up on their priority list and will do anything just to climb the corporate ladder. Don't tell me there ain't any, because I have personally see dozens.

In another term put forward, they are like vines climbing on trees, and when the trees do not grow as fast as these vines, they climb onto another taller tree. The definition of trees is to your own interpretation. This is very evident in the society now. Look around you. Accept it because this is the fact. NGW no longer wants to put their lives at risks with some poor idiot fellow even if he is at the same phase as them because why settle when there is a better option out there, or some greener pastures for you to expand across.

So i've been telling, or rather the guys have agreed, with money and status, we can do whatever we want. Indeed. Life is a rat race. And only the fittest survives. We need to be realistic because that's how women will treat us. When we are 30 or 35, then we will play. And our value will just go up from here. Watch us rise, watch us play.

There is no right or wrong, just the evolution of the society. We don't get graduates everywhere in the past. Now you can't live comfortably without a degree. Males have evolved into being homemakers. Females have evolved too into driven career-minded species. And we must all accept that. Because with acceptance comes happiness.

Next point, I think that yes when we were all younger, we tend to date in a supersonic manner. It's fine when you are young, and when you are passionate. But i think we all ought to really slow down. Take things real slow. When you rush, when you speed up the process, things don't last 40-50 years.

What i am saying is, slow down and enjoy the process. Slow down that first holding of hands, slow down that first kiss, slow down all the emotions. Savour them when they come and feel them fully ... cos only so then you learn to appreciate .. cos only so then it makes for a healthy relationship.

Please don't go bam bam bam bam then you lose that spark, you lose the passion, and everything becomes boring. Everything becomes repetitive. Then you start to wonder whether the two of you are just together because of habit and comfort. BUT SERIOUSLY WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THIS STUPID THOUGHT? Why can't habit and comfort be based on love? That idiot that comes up with this thought that 2 persons being together for a long time and still being together should always ask themselves if it's cos of habit is just being extra and creating problems for themselves.

Thing about humans is this, if it's a 'negative' question, they will all tend to overthink it and then convince themselves there are elements of truth in it. Please shoot that person. Grrrr.

My point is this, take things slow. Enjoy the process, and treasure it. Because when the pace of life becomes hectic(practically for everyone), we WILL overlook all these things and start taking things for granted when it's just there.

Okay just food for thought. Good night!

I love 钱柏渝's face. Absolutely beautiful, no?

A friend once said this ...
"It sucks the most when two people are so in love. But they refuse to let their love work for them."

Yeah ... it's very true. It sucks ... 你到底知道什么是爱吗?


Arggghhh. I can't believe I just rejected a job that's paying me 3.3k.

Haiz ... But I very seldom regret. =)

Anyway I just went for the pre-employment medical examination. I lost a lot of weight. =/ I didn't think I would. But having 2 meals a day won't do me any good. Can't wait for work to start so that I can have 3 meals or even 4 everyday.

And that blood test uncle drew like one whole tube of blood. =/ Been awhile since I lost so much blood.

I got my car washed today. =) But I've learnt that a white car is not what i will choose ever again. =/ The paintwork even though how often you clean it, will reveal stains that can only be removed through polishing. Ah oh well ...

These 2 weeks are gonna be exciting!

An oldie for tonight! For all those people who think they fell in love too early!



Because of all the happenings around, we are all aware of how unpredictable and cruel the world is. Yet, we all still know we must live happily and be the best in what we do.

Things do affect us in one way or another, and what we as humans naturally do, are to react to it, and then it's almost like clockwork, we must continue on with what we were doing before that.

No one likes to be sad, so choose to be happy. There are so many joys in the world, and it only depends on where you are looking at. Even though life can be mundane, work can be sucky, and you are lacking some fun and happiness, choose to pay attention to the small things in life.

Be thankful you are able to wake up this morning. Be glad that you had breakfast, lunch and dinner yesterday. Be grateful that you are able to meet your friends soon. Be happy that you are fighting for your dream now. Or even appreciate the fact that your parents are still alive. How many of us simply take all these for granted?

Well, i am definitely guilty of those to be honest, and I am terribly ashamed. It's true that when you are up there, you see nothing around/close-by/under you. You forgot about appreciation, love, and the simple act of kindness. Yet when you are down there with all the rest, fighting so hard to survive, then would you be able to appreciate all these. Even when you are going up, always remember the days when you were down there, with the people around you, and live each day like that day.

Honestly, I am very disappointed that such a small task could not be fulfilled.

And it isn't for me at all.

But it's okay. I understand. The world is cruel.


So. Anyways, there have been too many breakups lately and seriously, it's all with long-term ones. I've been 'warning' all attached friends of mine of this and asking them to jiayou! If you are in one right now, get past this year k =)

AND GREAT NEWS!!!! i've got both offers. Both look terrific. But i know what i want already. =) No more dilemma!! Wheeee~

Very excited about the future. I've moved on and frankly, i wouldn't expect this a month ago. Believe it or not it's up to you.

To the friends out there who have been with me, cheering me up, talking to me, enlightening me, accompanying me just to waste time, meeting up with me, singing ktv with me, making plans with me till 3am at night, who gave me an avenue to turn to when i've got things to say or clarify, who were there just to make sure i am alright ... my most sincerest thank you. It has been a tough month (and also a fun one) for most of you. From the bottom of my heart, i appreciate all the little things that all of you have done, and I will always remember them.

I've taken awhile to write this and have postponed it a few times because i feel that i'm not ready, but i can safely say that it's all good now =)

To a certain Miss Zhang:

It would not be fair to say we are extremely close friends, yet we do enjoy each other's company pretty much. I wouldn't say i know everything about you either, neither do i know about what really happened. But i think i want to say some things to you, and that in any form or manner, this may just help in anyways.

I saw the entry by your friend written to you, and yes it's pretty true. At the same time, guys ain't really that bad either. Only some. I will use my 'guy's' way to write this piece.

I don't know what stage or phase you are in now, but from what i heard, it shocked me. It pains me too because you deserve so much better. Your life isn't meant to dwell so long in this state because of some stupid guy who isn't matured and steady enough to appreciate you.

I mean i make mistakes too. We all do, and once in awhile we all screw up. We have our bad and lousy periods of our lives, and then we cry and mop over it all, and whine out to the world how effed up our lives are. And then it must stop there and then.

You have always been strong, and have been putting up a brave front. Yet if you think it's preventing you from moving on, do something else. We are all here for you. I am here for you too. There's always hope in life. A relationship isn't about ever-lasting goodness. I am sure there were the many moments both of you were really happy, treat those as dear memories because you yourself know that you own them. And that's it. Those were part of your very life and will stay as memories. Yes it IS sad but life isn't all happy. Life isn't only about one person, isn't about all the promises both of you made, neither is it about all the perfect pictures you had envision both of you. It's not about an ownership of a certain person. Because anything can happen anytime.

Life is about being happy, living your life to the fullest and enjoying every moment as it comes. Some things are just not meant to be, and no matter how stubborn we can be, we just must accept it all.

If he is going to come back, will you take him back? Aren't you afraid he will hurt you all over again? Why subject yourself to this risk when there are clearly people out there who will care for you and love you for the way you are? Why keep the hope when what you ought to do is to keep your eyes open for new possibilities?

The possibilities are endless, and each one comes even more exciting than the previous one. Let yourself go and enjoy romance once again. Do not ever tell yourself no one can replace him because you would be surprise when things happen.

Didn't manage to watch this movie, but I think the song is very nice. I also especially like the description written on the youtube page.



And to think I have got this matter sorted out.

You know the part whereby I mentioned I like it when people do things or events happened that I never would expect ...

Pathlight just did that.

Major dilemma.

Some things just cannot be rushed. There's always a natural progression for things. =)

Gender studies(by me =x) have always shown that males do not 'lugi' as much as females, and this is extremely true. But it's bad karma to think and write about these things.

Anyway, I think I would like to talk about that night at the river. Honestly, I didn't think she would turn up. And the guys were kind of 'against' the idea of me meeting her because it wouldn't do me any good.

Well .. even though the talk wasn't long or wasn't very detailed, I had the closures I needed. But to be frank, it wasn't so much from the questions I asked. Because those questions came up during week 1, 2 and 3 .. and by that night, I had more or less resolved them myself, but still, it was good to just hear it from her mouth.

I guess the toughest part for me was dealing with the change in status between the both of us. Cmon afterall it's the first time we met in a month, and it's only human to feel that. =)

Awhile back, I got the message passed from her that she thinks we would be great friends too. I will always believe in that, however like I said earlier, if it happens, it happens.

Like I told her, I really appreciate her for deciding to come down, be it for whatever reason, because to me that would mean she has taken a step towards being alright again and I can safely put down my worries for her, and also for putting in much effort so that it wasn't awkward or difficult. And that perfect ending. Thank you. =)

More than less, I understood the things she said. Even though I think it wouldn't matter much to her, but I do hope she understood what I said.

It was stupid to go to the same club after that. Maybe I was just stubborn or maybe we both were, but yeah it was one of those "ah crap >.<" moments.

The fortune teller said several things about love regarding me. I think they all made sense.

徐熙娣 aka Xiao S is a ... very interesting lady. Very attractive, extremely frank and straightforward .. at least of her character on Kang Xi.

I've been watching a lot of Kang Xi lately and Xiao S is largely the reason, of course apart from the celebrity guests. Still darn hot even though she had kids, but what really appeals is her personality.

Even though there was news lambasting her lack of restraint or control on air, in addition to the fact that she doesn't really need to do all those things because of her awesome life and husband, i think what's really important is doing something you love. And i feel she absolutely love being on Kang Xi. =)

For those of you who need that laugh ... just one of the many episodes ...

http://tw.sugoitw.com/kangxi-2010-08-31/

Absolutely loving this song! Been on repeat.



One more step .. to ... our each individual want and outcome.


Yesterday was an eyeopener. Went to a fortune teller's house at Telok Blangah with the guys. It's not those shady stall fortune teller type .. all the consultation actually took place in his house. Well for one, i am not the extremely superstitious type, nor do i have a specific religion. I am agnostic btw.

So. I consulted him mainly on my life and the amount of information we all got was really information overload. Well, some people may think that all this stuff is groundless. I think there's no harm listening and remembering certain things, so as to keep them in reference.

Sometimes in life, when you are needing a little bit of a nudge or push towards a certain direction which you ain't know, i guess this is an alternative. =) And like what Ken said, all the future-pacing the uncle did certainly would allow any person who felt hopeless to see something.

One thing that was interesting was his 'school of thought' of the previous life. I think it makes a lot of sense? Whoever you were and whatever you had done in your previous life would be reflected upon this life .. he did mention that because of my personality and nature, it is of great importance for me to learn from mistakes and opportunities in life .. and well .. i would probably like to write more of them here but i think i like to keep these things close to my heart.

Although the 'parking lots' thing still crack me up. "Young or old, 1 for each day of the week, all can take!" Lol!

For now, i think the key things are to keep my health in check for the long term and work real damn hard. Well, it did cross my mind that health would be a big problem for me, and it's really a scary thought. Oh and no more beef and turtle soup. =/

And remember to give back. Return back to the society. If i am to associate it to the uncle's school of thought, plan for a better next life =p

2 English songs for tonight! Like them a lot! Check them out!

Love the use of the black and white theme in contrast with the colours theme at appropriate times ...


This one is for those young, romantic, courageous and hopeful people out here!



Goodnight! Tomorrow will be absolutely awesome. Absolutely. =)

Having dinner with my friends now, and having met her last night, I can only say my life is very very blessed.

I mean all along, my friends have always emphasize how blessed I'm and I do know it. But when I thought I'm in the dumps and pits of my life, actually when I look at the big picture, it's not so.

She wanted me to learn and realize things that she felt lacking in me, because she cares. And all along in my life, these wonderful ppl have kept on appearing to make me feel so loved. I'm gonna get a great job soon and opportunities lie aplenty for me out there in the world.

And my friends. I dunno what I did to deserve them. You can call it 上辈子修来的福，but I'm glad I'm made to see the need for me to put in more effort in these friendships, not to say i was a lousy friend but there are definitely more room for improvement.

To those of you who do not know what I studied in school, the below passage as adapted from today's Straits Times Mind your Body section would be a fair reflection.

By Gary Hayden
At the core of the book is the idea of cognitive dissonance. This is a label psychologists use for the uncomfortable feeling we get whenever we try to hold two conflicting ideas in our minds simultaneously.

Cognitive dissonance is so unpleasant that we will go to great lengths to reduce it. One of the main ways is through self-justification.

The two authors describe cognitive dissonance as "the engine that drives self-justification". Their book references dozens of psychological studies and real-life examples that demonstrate the mechanisms by which we justify foolish beliefs, bad decisions and hurtful acts. One section which i found particularly illuminating concerns the so-called "pyramid of choice".

Consider the following scenario. Two very similar young men are sitting an important exam. Each draws a blank on a crucial question but each has the opportunity to cheat by copying from someone else. Both agonise for a minute or two over whether to do the right thing and risk a poor grade or compromise their integrity to secure a good one. It is a close call. One eventually opts to cheat and the other opts not to.

At the time, there was little to separate the young men's attitude towards cheating. The decision could easily have gone the other way for both of them. But if we return to those young men a week later, we will find that their attitudes have hardened. Each will have had ample time to reflect on - and justify - his action.

The young man who succumbed to temptation will have decided that cheating is not, in truth, such a bad thing. After all, almost everyone does it at some time or other. And anyway, he studied hard for that exam and deserved to pass. Only a schmuck would jeopardise his entire future because of a bit of bad luck over one exam question.

The young man who resisted temptation, on the other hand, will have decide that he was absolutely right not to cheat. After all, cheating is downright immoral. No self-respecting person would even consider doing it.

"It is as if they had started off at the top of a pyramid, a millimetre apart," wrote Tavris and Aronson, "but by the time they have finished justifying their individual actions, they have slid to the bottom, and now stand at opposite corners of the base"

--------------------------------------------

So yup ... this concept of pyramid of choice is extremely interesting while reading it just now. Self-justification happens all the time, with every action you make, you constantly justify it to assure yourself that you did the right thing.

Most of the time, few people will think that their actions are wrong while they are performing it. In their minds, their self-justification mechanism will be working full speed to conjure up various reasons for their behaviour.

Yet, upon talking to many people, these reasons and justification we give ourselves could be changed, even to the extent of the extreme opposite, when we realize perhaps we might not have been so right after all.

Every once in awhile in life, I would do something out of the blue ... or just hope someone does something that I would not ever think possible, just to give myself that shock or surprise moments that I hold dear to my life.

3 songs tonight! Step Up 3 i heart very much =)






It's hard to fathom Moose pulling off those moves that required so much upper body strength when he appears so scrawny ... but wow he was imba. The normal cap look with the curly hair made him look geeky, but that water scene when his hair was all wet ... that was totally cool.

And I got the biggest laugh from the classroom scene. "What's your name?" "Silence ... Silence. In. Class." Absolutely hilarious.

And that girl. That girl with the almost perfect face. Apparently I googled her and she has a high forehead so that fringe-look really helped a lot. But other than that, her facial features are crazily beautiful. ... just like yours.

So. I decided not to go with my parents to Tokyo this weekend. I think it's really because I am not sure how much I would enjoy myself. And furthermore, I've made a few plans here and there over the weekend.

Played a game of Dota this afternoon. Realized that the pleasure, happiness and satisfaction that I used to get out of the triumphs of these activities are no longer there. In fact, when I lose, the disappointment and whatnots are twice as hard to bear. So I end up not playing altogether. Organized a poker session at home this weekend because I need the activity, and the company, but honestly, winning at these things somehow has lost their appeal.

A friend of mine was talking to me about the topic of making out. I think casual making out isn't that easy. I feel that much chemistry is needed between both parties if not it will be like ... urgh.

Haha random ramblings but yeah.

I think what I wanted to say was ... a relationship is not like an ownership. You don't own the other person. Even if you are married, he/she can have a divorce with you anytime. We both cannot place our expectations and wants on each other, and in a way become way too stringent on each other. A relationship is meant to be supportive, and encouraging in the things that both parties pursue. Encouragement and the little bits of affirmation are always important ... as well as the compliments and the concern.

Today's the marriage anniversary of my parents ... I hereby wish them longevity and ever-lasting happiness in their marriage!

周杰倫在这里看起来很台 =x

I hate the signs i am getting.

那在终点之前我愿意再爱一遍?

I really don't want to second-guess anymore.

I love this song!


I went for 2 interviews today. Plenty of thoughts, plenty of reflections. Talked to many people about what I need to know and they all helped.

Then went to school. Hey you ... i wanna appreciate you for who being the fabulous friend. Somehow you always help me sort out my thoughts in the quickest way .. the manner I love the most.

Dinner was with a friend that I haven't properly talked to for a long time. I was surprised she even turned up ... but that 3 hours just showed me how much both of us have grown and changed over the 7 years. It was absolutely amazing just sitting there and us updating each other on how our lives have been.

Well ... I learnt quite a few things from her during dinner.

Firstly, there should not be any uncomfort for anyone in a relationship. Indeed and it makes a lot of sense. Should you feel uncomfortable in your relationship, then i suggest you get the hell out of it.

Where anything else is concerned, you just got to live in the present and fate will decide the future. With regards to closure, trust me, no one else can give it to you other than yourself. You think that person's gonna help you with it, but trust me, you won't know how to feel when the real hard truth are being said. Eventually you will just have to convince yourself of all the truths.

And 2 people being together have to be compatible. And it's important to have things to learn from each other, help each other grow, and ultimately reach the mentally-painted picture that both share. It can't be only one side that paints and sees the picture.

Knowing the communication methods of both sides is essential. No point thinking you are communicating your point across and assuming the other side gets it when he doesn't at all. Although the other side must also put in the utmost effort into understanding.

Okay been a long day! Good night folks!

Last night Kbox was fun! Though this song was the best ... the intensity and the emotions of everyone! Whewwww~



Recently my mum has been talking to me regarding many things. I think she's starting to realize that it is of great importance to correct my bad habits and weaknesses that I might have inherited from my dad. =x And also some tweaks towards some of the characteristics I might have gotten from her.

Yesterday went to Many's house for MJ. Sian lose money. Then went down to paragon for gym. Ran and did weights until everywhere aches now. =/

Dinner at HV crystal jade, which everyone convinced me that in fact i am really not funny by nature. =( But i am truly glad to have such funny friends.

Without doubt, things are going to go up and up from now =)

I like how i am feeling these 2 days.

I think today is a good date to write this one-of-its-last-kind entry.

Sometimes, we all just need to do something drastic, to have the final breakthrough needed. Yesterday was a day to remember. After my interview, my friend suddenly smsed me to inform me that she can watch Going the Distance, so i rushed down to Vivo and caught the movie with her. Then as she had to go teach tuition, and i've got dinner with sw at 6pm, I went to look for fai for lunch.

Rather interesting lunch which led us to agree to get the guys to go see a fortune teller. We certainly aren't superstitious, but i think it will be an amazing experience.

After that, went down to fetch sw for dinner. Talked for 5 hours! Haha and then bumped into sarah at starbucks. She then dropped me a message saying if i ain't going home later, i could go find her. But after she didn't pick up her phone and i realized i was damn near qianfu's house, so i went to look for him. Actually it was cos i had to use the toilet =x Chatted with him for awhile before I went to look for Sarah. Managed to grab a bit more food before i got home.

Thing is ... with numerous conversations centering repeatedly on the same topic, everything just becomes very clear at the end of it all. I know i've said this before, but this time i can really feel the conviction.

All i want is for you to be happy as soon as possible. I am moving on as much as i can and i hope you would be happy to know this.

For the past 3 weeks, i've thought and rethink through the things that have happened, tried to guess as much as possible what everything meant, the whys and whats and i would like to believe i have the whole big picture.

We won't be happy together as a couple. The small little accumulation of the various quarrels we had have generated a substantial amount of unhappiness that both of us certainly felt. Our differences in values and principles with regards to various aspects of life played a major role in this.

Like i said before, understanding and acceptance are 2 separate things. I would like to think i can see both of them clearly now.

It is absolutely normal to feel sad, guilty and that it's a pity. Not that lousy emo kind of feelings that teenagers feel, but i think i am beginning to understand all of this.

But ultimately, we both have to accept this and move on happily in our lives. To pursue our goals and be who we are. I am thankful for whatever that has happened, and the crazy amount of stuff i have learnt this past 3 weeks. I would never have realized to respect others' values and principles in life, or the greatness of all my friends, or that many of them are having problems as well, or that not everything in life goes according to what i want, or that it is important to be optimistic but it is important to be realistic too ... just to name a few.

I hope you are doing well ... because i will be doing well. Hmmm .. i think me being the optimistic me, do believe that even though we had a really bad breakup, and both of us are probably needing some more time to recover from all this hurt and loneliness, i sincerely believe we really understand each other and that every bit of the past 6 years meant something to the both of us. But they will just be awesome great memories when we reflect and think of how crazy we were back then, not knowing what we were even in for when we first started out.

Be proud of what we had before ... because life goes on. I learnt in school that grievances and getting over traumatic and emotionally-tough events take some time. I don't know what else i can do on my part so i am just hoping if you know i am coping well, am holding nothing against you, and wishing simply that you would be happy, then it would help you to be normal again ... you know me, i will just give you that smile.

Writing this now, hmmm i think we would be, or rather can be great friends. Not sure if you can see that, though i sincerely hope you can. Haha honestly i think we would be really awesome friends. Or maybe too idealistic again =/

There are characteristics of me that are innate, which fundamentally form me for who i am. Add in the upbringing, family cultures, biological genetics transfer from my parents, i become who i am ... with plenty of flaws.

I am just glad i am much more aware of them now. Always got to improve i guess! =)

Interview with Pathlight tmr. I think it will be exciting. =)

I went to read a few of my entries 6 years back.

January 11, 2004. I thanked several of my council friends because of what happened then. I think our relationships haven't really changed much since those days. And I believe that the thank yous if I am to write now would be based roughly on the same lines as those days.

February 4, 2004. "I am too pampered. Not in the sense of too spoilt, but always getting what i want. Not in the sense of maturity but always getting my wishes fulfilled. What if i don't get what i want? " Once again, this issue was brought up even after 6 years. Something must be done this time.

August 11, 2004. I got recommended for OCS crossover but I didn't get selected in the end. My PC then told me I was too emotional, too naive and that 'I don't live in a real world'. I mean if even my PC who only interacted with me for several weeks can say that, it's clearly something I ought to reflect seriously on.

Thoughtful times. Do give me a tight slap if there ever is a relapse k.

今天一直在看他们俩一起上节目的片段。有一种非常甜蜜与暧昧的感觉。即使被问了很多遍，两人一直都说只是好朋友。对我来说，他们的默契，对彼此的关心和那非常可爱的关系，不是说要有就能有的。



我想私人恋情真的是不重要，两人能互相一起努力，一起成功，对他们而言是最重要的。甚至说如果双方五年后想要认真地谈恋爱，这将是会个非常甜美的故事。

This old old episode is a must see! Epic funny!

是我选择看不到分手預兆 ...




It's inevitable that we all compare.

And that the grass is always greener on the other side.

But the thing is, there were already problems to begin with, so it got us all thinking.

Could we solve the problems? I guess we probably could.

For the past year, we forgot to talk. We forgot to communicate effectively. I forgot to find out her dreams. I forgot to find out how she was feeling. I forgot to know her family, I forgot to know her friends. I was just asking superficial questions. I forgot to do my part.

It was mainly due to me slacking off, and that we were quarreling more on other things, which could have been resolved had I been more matured then.

But the main point is, we didn't talk. I was focusing on the wrong stuff and she was focusing on her career and obviously we didn't have much to share. When problems arise, I just brushed them off. I forgot to spice our relationship up and it was just miserable for her. I understand why she wants to let go and give up. Because living with me then was really tough. It was hell for her, and she had to do so much just to compromise. Sorry babe, I just wish you would forgive me.

It was easy for me just to point fingers and blame everyone else when i was having it easy. Yet it wasn't easy for her to have to take it all in, defend everyone else and still tolerate.

I am responsible for all that had happened. I feel that as a guy, there are certain things to hold deep for and fight for. I will do what I can, because I was taught by her never ever to run away when shit happens.

Giving up has never be quite an option. Maybe it's because I don't know how to. But the LAST thing i would give up is on us.

What we really need to do now is to talk things out. Spend one whole day just talking. Relearn all the things i should have known years ago. I know I am so late. That I've fallen behind. I am gonna run ultra hard now.

Something happy for you~