Dear Blog,

I've created a new account at Xanga. But i won't use it anytime soon la. Was just trying out the functions and stuff. Dennis just called me. He said i will get into Delta company. I am disappointed. I would prefer Foxtrot. But then, i will still make the most out of it. Packed my stuff already. Feels like... going off on a holiday. You know what is the thing i fear most going in? I think you all will laugh at me... it's the injections. I really hate injections. I don't like stuff in me. Guess this will be my last entry for sometime. But i am bringing a notebook there to write stuff in. Take care all the females out there. =p To the guys going in soon, see you all inside. To those already POP, hope i don't see you all back in tekong.


Signing off,
Lah

Dear Blog,

"Oh my gosh..." Haha...

I added a link. It is next to the imood which reads "idiotic", just below the chatterbox. Some photos for all of you to enjoy. 7 photos is a nice number to start with. And sorry to Ariel and best friend for kopping the photos. But i am sure you both won't mind right? =)

Will be buying something that will allow me to take pictures in the future. So in the meantime, all of you just got to settle with these i guess. Will inform everyone when i update it.

I almost opened a bottle that night. I don't know why, but i just felt like it. But too bad the dudes ordered their drinks so quickly. Maybe next time... because i won't mind having a bottle which has my name on it. =p

My throat is acting up again. I thought i cured it that day, but the complimentary chocolate from oriental was too irresistable, and perhaps plus the lack of water and minimal sleep. Haiz... and i haven't even stepped into tekong yet.

A few cheesy pickup lines ...

1) Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past you again?
2) My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
3) Hey lady, those are some nice clothes, can I talk you out of them?
4) Your tag says Made in USA, but I could have sworn you were made in Heaven.
5) I hope you have a library card because I'm checking you out.
6) Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.
7) I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

SUP MANZ DAWG ?!??


Enlisting in,
Lah

Dear Blog,

A nice song for you ...

And for everyone of you out there ...



One Last Cry

My shattered dreams, and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands,
standing close to someone else
Now i sit all alone
wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you
nothing for me to do
but i've one last cry
one last cry
before i leave it all behind
i've got to put u out of my mind
this time..
stop living lies
i guess i am down
to one last cry

I was here u were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
i need some love to rain on me
still i sit all alone
wishing all my feeling was gone
got to get over you
nothing for me to do
but i've one last cry
one last cry
i had to leave it all behind
i've got to put you out to my mind
this time..
stop living lies
i know i've got to be strong
but life goes on and on and on.. and on..ohh yeaaa

i'm gonna dry my eyes
right after i had my one...
had a one last cry
one last cry
before i leave it all behind
i got to put u out to my mind
for the very last time..
stop living lies
i guess im down
i guess im down
i guess im down...
to my last cry... ...

ohhh...

Dear Blog,

The time has finally come. Well... settled everything that i needed to. Quite proud of myself. I was a shagged dude yesterday. I went for soccer, but was really tired, couldn't run much. Haha... then it rained. Went home, bathed, got the stuff and went tp. Met sean, got the stuff. Went novena, gave the stuff, then ps. Talked and watch soccer, then yck. Passed the stuff, then home. Oh... Man U drew with Arsenal. There goes the title.

Going to leave behind some of the stuff. Treat it as a new start to life. Staying here will be the FF8 that is still not finished, GB, fifa2004, my dear blog, and the many friends. Will be missing my family as well. But well, as i said, it will be a new start to life.

Didn't get to meet her again after sending her home that night. What a pity, because i told myself that i will make friends with her the next time i see her. Well, maybe in the future i guess.

Check this out. Just stumbled upon it. Something that i think i will be very very interested in. It looks very good also. http://www.us.playstation.com/Content/games/SCUS-97266/ogs/

You know, everytime i left you, and walk the stretch of road, past the playground to the bus stop, Qin fei de yi will just play in my mind. The song still does come out sometimes for now out of the blue, but it is more of An Jing.

Think that's about it.

Yours,
Lah

Dear Blog,

I just reached home from sheraton hotel. Tired. But i still got a few things to settle. 2 more days before going in and got to get all the things done. Going out for sister's birthday lunch soon. Guilty never buy anything for her.

Yesterday went yf's house play mj. Quite shiok. Though lost 50 cents in the end. But hey that was quite balanced. Then went town for dinner. Then zee10. Then marina mandarin. Then newton circus. Then sheraton.

Suddenly feel like going for soccer later, but i am tired. Need to go take from sean the army stuff he bought for me. Need to pass best friend her present. And... kenneth... remember the parcel...? And there is the practical test. Really sian. Someone give me the strength and the determination to do all of them please.

I am confused. Somethings i don't know what i should do. I want to do like that but then in a way, i don't want it done that way also. I set my mind on it, yet i am fickle-minded. I don't like to do things that ain't what i will do. But circumstances force me to, so how? I want the best for everyone, but will i end up getting hurt? If i am selfish, i won't be able to live with it totally either. Argh... and i can't blame anyone except me. Haiz... i guess i need time la. But then... time for what? Time to forget? No i don't want to forget. Time to think things through? I've really thought of them and... basically the choices are just a few.

Orientation has ended. Some good and bad views about it. But that's not what i care about. Had lots of fun. I hope all the facils had lots of fun and had put in all their effort because the experience is something that they should treasure. That's about it i guess.


-Lah

Dear Blog,

I've decided to write.

I am adopting a very lousy attitude now. I think that if people can be friends, then be friends la. If things don't work out, then don't be friends lor. Maybe it isn't really that lousy. I've got lesser responsibilities this way. But as what Ariel said, and what i always wanted to tell them, having one more friend is always better than having none.

But if i sincerely said the last sentence and that it is true, then putting some amount of effort into being friends and into a friendship is essential. Suddenly i don't know what i am saying.

I've got one question. What if you already got the friends you want? Why do you need new friends? And why bother about losing friends if you already are happy with what you've got? Okie that's a few question.

But i guess the drift and the gist are there.


-Lah

Dear Blog,

I had a wonderful day. Really fantastic. I'm too tired to type down everything that happened la... but basically i had lots of fun. Youth park was fun too. Sorry Zijie i can't go for the dinner. As i promise, i will treat you to the next meal we can have together.

Wanted to write a lot of stuff but too tired to organise them.

Saw the IJ girl that i saw every morning when i was sec four and she was sec two in CJ. Haha... how coincidental. A cathigh junior came to CJ as well, and he is the same as usual.

That's all la. Got down the list of stuff i need to buy. Thanks khairi.

His,
Lah

Dear Blog,

It is 9:38am in the morning. Woke up at 8 plus and couldn't get back to sleep. There are somethings that i need to do before i go tekong. Firstly, go beach road there buy stuff. Secondly, sign up for practical test.

Going to school soon. Haha eunice messaged last night asked me go play mahjong this morning. Sorry girl i can't. Hope i get to go down to youth park tonight... and hope that it will be fun...

Tomorrow night, we dudes will be making a trip down to geylang first before back to the hotel. Then it will be... Gangbang Gangbang Gangbang~~ =p


Squall doesn't know how to express his feelings for Rinoa. But he knows he feels something for her. Until on the verge of losing her, then finally his MCP attitude is shed. Even just holding on to her, he doesn't feel normal. But deep down, he knows that she means a lot to him. So what the hell is wrong with him?

Jeab can't stand being made fun of by the guys. He wants to play with the guys. He wants to be friends with them. All he has for friends is Noi Nah and the few girls. Doesn't it make him look sissy? So in order to be part of the guys' gang, he has to hurt Noi Nah, the girl that gives him so much happiness and comfort. Girl in exchange for a few guy friends? Maybe he was too young then. Then perhaps, lesser companions that don't do what he does in exchange for more companions that can make him happy?


Hers,
Lah - "Don't hurt me, i am fragile."

Haha, just thought of a description. A big piece of glass. At first, it is very easy to break it, very prone to be broken. When it becomes broken, the pieces get smaller. And this goes on and on. It will come a time, when all the pieces are so small that it is impossible to break them any further.

Dear Blog,

Michael Jackson is on tv now!! Haha... i really love his dancing... really really respect and admire him for all his moves... i just like moving and dancing around la...

Had a great day today. Went to watch My Girl. It is a innocent, nice and simple show. And it sets you thinking a bit, on when is your first love and stuff. Some literature stuff came in, like the ending when the face of the girl isn't shown. First love is first love, you just remember him/her by how you first know him/her at that time. It is very funny also. Must watch. And that girl is damn pretty when she's young. I love her eyes.

I really like the 2 shirts that i bought that day... the fcuk one and the levi's polo tee. And guess who i bought it with?? Best friend~!!! Haha... they are my 2 favourite shirts now. Whoa whoa whoa... I LOVE MICHAEL~!!! MOONWALK~!!! AND CHECK OUT THAT ENERGY AND SMOOTHNESS~!!! =x

Blog... do you know that i just realise that i like being friends with people who don't have too many friends. Haha... ain't i a selfish little prick? But hey, this is me manz... i find it easier, and perhaps more motivated... or rather... there is something inside me... that is making me wanting to care for these friends and to love them and to be around them. I sure enjoy their company. And i like the feeling... if you have so many friends already... why need me... when i ain't there, there is always someone else for you to look for wadz... this is just me la.

My friends' both have a room each this saturday, but i think i will go to fred's one. Haven't seen them in a long long time. Sorry kenneth. But hey cmon manz... we spent the whole of wednesday together manz... =p

I think whatever relationships, including friendships, that are formed between people, it is all fate. If it works, it works la... if it doesn't... then bo bian lor... cry over it for what? Haha... oh dear... i've changed... best friend will kill me if she reads this... but like what i said... i wont care about whatever that happen in these few days before i go in... because these days are like... "extra days"... =) Have fun people...


Ours,
Lah

PS: 5 more days~!!!

Dear Blog,

I must first say that i am really not practising my primary school diary writing skills here. =p Okie anyway had a long long sleep last night. Really tired manz, couldn't even stayed awake throughout AMI. Going out later in the evening. Hope that can watch My Girl. My tan areas are starting to hurt a little, but what the heck right?

Oh yeah, jas... that is a really... sexxxxaaayyyyy picture you posted... =x


Theirs,
Lah

Dear Blog,

Today had been wonderful. It didn't rained. And Kenneth and me got quite tanned. I've got striped tanned feet and tanned lower arms and face. I hope they don't hurt tomorrow. Don't know if i should go school tomorrow. I see how la. The games went on quite smoothly except our lunch. It came quite late and we were all starving and when it came, the assorted vegetable rice sucks. So kenneth and me had to have a buffet lunch. Anyway, glad that things turned out so well and thanks jie jie for coming and making our lives a lot more easier.

Oh yeah, Blog, i don't like it when people treat me for granted. At least that is how i feel. It is like if i am there then use me, if i am "not needed", i am not needed at all. It is fine with me because there are others who will treat me better.

It feels so long a few weeks ago. Now it is down to 6 days. I still remember i was thinking i got like 3 months to go. Then 2 months. Then it is now less than a week. Haha... it is like slowly dawning upon me. But yeah, i can't wait to get inside too. Hope it will be really really fun.

Oh... and i believe one's happiness depends mostly on how he thinks. So stay positive yeah? Look at all the bad bad stuff's good side, and even if there is no good side, think of happy things lor. Haha... have fun people~


Mine,
Lah

Dear Blog,

I am changing my style of writing. Every entry now will be dedicated to you. You have been with me through thick and thin, for almost 4 years already. It will be your 4th birthday in 3 weeks time. But i can't be here to wish you on that day itself, so happy earlified birthday to you. You have been here for me to pour all my rantings and thoughts into. You are the only one who knows my every meaning and intention in every word that i wrote.

Blog, the last two days of orientation had been okie. Got quite angry sometimes. Didn't know that JC1s can be so stubborn. Maybe the last few times in orientations i hadn't had the time to go and observe. This time i have been taking on a more passer-by role. Like for today's mass dance, i really hated those "gays and lesbians". Since it is orientation, why not make the most out of it? Why not make it fun yourself? We can only do so much for all you JC1s, and the rest is up to you. You can come with a super enthusiastic and fun-filled attitude and the most boring orientation can also be fun for you. I guess for some of idiots, the best orientations will be still be boring. Go home sleep la. And today i saw a girl whom thinks she is too good for any guy. Not a single guy can be her partner. Whatever lor.

Blog, i really hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. If it rains, i will be really sad. And if it doesn't rain tomorrow, i hope that everything will go on smoothly.


Yours,
Lah

PS: Oh yeah, 1 more week to botak.

"I want you, but who am i to say that?
I have no qualifications nor any potential
To quench your high standards.
I want to stand by your side
As you battle your way through life.
Giving you all the care i can garner
Because i know you will do the same.
Every moment i will think of you,
To be the one standing there for you.
Holding you tightly around your waist,
I want to provide you with all the love.
I hope to share what i have with you,
And i promise i will try my hardest
Not to expect anything at all.
When i speak of myself,
I want to see you as part of it.
You are the plan i see in the future,
Someone who will show me a different side.
If i am to say i don't think we are too similar,
I will just be lying to myself.
But... what is the use of saying all these,
When i don't have anything in the first place."

Went to cut my hair today. Everyone's going to laugh at my hair. I am suffering from inferior complexity now. Anyway the barber moved, and when i checked the map that they display, it showed her house. Well done. So everytime i go cut my hair, i am going to bring myself back to that night. Dad's pretty amused i know the place so well when he drove me there. Haha... have fun dudes... =)

God bless Taiwan.

Where's best friend???? Anyway, went thomson had dinner. Had crabs. Nice. I just used the electro-reflexologist. It runs electricity through your legs. Wah the feeling is like... i don't like it anyway. Talking to cong just now. She doesn't have school tmr. Bleah... what time should i go tmr? Haha the pepsi advertisement's on tv now... with britney, beyonce and pink i think... whoa hottt~~ they sure look good in those gladiator suits...

If you once had something that good, usually you will go for something that is better.

Well i am bored. Very bored now. My mum just talked about getting a scholarship. Don't think i can. Aiya anything that makes her happy.

well... i've got this...


Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova,
source:ca80.lehman.cuny.edu/.../
images/fallen_angel.jpg


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Wahhhhh~~ Mark Lee is fricking funny~!!!! "Don't play with my heart..." Wahahahahaha~!!!! It's just his expression and stuff la... haha...

Yesterday someone said something... shit... who ar... oh its sean... haha... ya he said that i am like a poly kid... and the others are like jc kids... jc kids think a lot one... like what they did last night and the stuff they talked... oh cmon manz... 3 plus am in the morn = sleeping time... why talk about sad stuff manz?? sup peepz... a guy's life should be like this... eat, sleep, pa game... oh and pcc... haha... but yeah... simple as that... and poly kids are like this... (sorry ar... not i say one... sean said one) will just go into a r/s and then if it works out then good la... if it doesn't then bo bian lor...

After hearing all the stuff from gary, khairi and dennis, i can't wait to get into tekong.

Should i feel honoured to know you? And why should i? It sure seems like getting one's happiness from other's sadness and sufferings. I don't know why i am saying all these but i just feel like blogging. Losing someone and knowing someone new is so easy. Last night was fun. But those dudes should learn to sleep at the right time. We talked a lot. Step one side backwards, and the world opens up to you. Somethings could to be solved immediately, but not on impulse definitely. I feel strong. Maybe because i don't care so much anymore. Everyone needs to go through their own lives and experience their own stuff to learn and grow and be who they are. If i am given the option to go back in time, i won't change anything. Why should i? Isn't it better this way? Things happen for a reason. People choose who they want to be together and we should all give them our blessings. Vball at sentosa was fun too. Lots of babes. Why need me when you've got him? I don't want to feel hurt anymore. Don't like the feeling you see. Ah Pian won the election. My dad said it is a whole scam. Own direct own act. I don't care.

Vivian Hsu's voice is very cute... haha...

I am a runaway. I run away from things.

For Bored People...

1) Last dream : the dream tat i killed someone
2) Last car ride : this morn..dad sent me to sch...
3) Last kiss : errmm...3 months plus ago?
4) Last good cry : tat day in town...
5) Last Missing Library Book : i dun lose them...
6) Last movie seen : Dirty Dancing 2
7) Last Book Read : the wonderful story of henry sugar
8) Last curse word uttered : cant remember...fu*k? cb? sup? =p
9) Last beverage drank : soup
10) Last food consumed : fried noodles
11) Last crush : cant remember...
12) Last phone call : yu..
13) Last TV show watched : channel U 9pm
14) Last Item Bought : today's halal lunch
15) Last time showered : 5 plus juz now
16) Last shoes worn : sup? the zebra one?
17) Last CD played : ff8 disc 3
18) Last MP3 Downloaded : erm...a song by jang nara
19) Last annoyance : feeling extremely sleepy after i bathed
20) Last disappointment : losing the zell card after losing to headmaster cid...anyway i saved b4 tat...
21) Last soda drank : soda? cant remember la...coke?
22) Last thing written : cant remember...
23) Last key used : sup manz?
24) Last phrase spoken : When is laopeh going to finish using the comp?
25) Last trip to the bathroom : when i went to bathe juz now...
26) Last sleep : nap counted? after my bath...
27) Last IM : sup is IM?
28) Last sexual fantasy : xxxxxxx xxx xxxx xxxxxx xx
29) Last orgasm : SUP MANZ.
30) Last weird encounter : tat j1 staring at me..
31) Last Store Shopped at : canteen drinks stall
32) Last ice cream eaten : ooo i know this...yest's apple pie smth and smth hazelnut...
33) Last time amused : probably juz now...i am always amused...
34) Last time wanting to die : 3 plus months ago...
35) Last time in love : sup.
36) Last time hugged : this aftnoon..
37) Last time scolded : cant remember...
38) Last time resentful : yesterday...hair too long too thick...
39) Last chair sat in : this chair i am sitting on..
40) Last lipstick used : sup?
41) Last underwear worn : sup sup?
42) Last bra worn : whoa whoa whoa... WASSSSUPPPPP???
43) Last shirt worn : cj pe tee
44) Last class attended : class? erm...sometime back...
45) Last Final taken : 'A' Levels
46) Last time dancing : just now
47) Last poster looked at : erm...the daikin one...smth about inverted...
48) Last show attended : sup?
49) Last webpage visited : jas'
50) Last game played : ff8
51) Last holiday : hongkong dec
52) Last date : i dun date...
54) Last drink (alcoholies) : -slurps-
55) Last productive thing done : complete disc 2 of ff8
56) Last time happy : juz now when yu called
57) Last card : erm...long time ago...think its xmas card from yu...
58) Last song listened to : i dunno the title of this song...
59) Last grievence : sore throat to go away...
60) Last question: to mum: huh?

I don't care anymore...

Perhaps it was what happened, or it might be playing too much squall, i just don't care about anything anymore. Okie maybe not totally, but maybe almost that. Whatever that happens or will happen, let it be lor. I won't do things that i don't want to do. I will do things if people want me to do them, if it makes them happy anyway. I won't want to meet up with someone unless there is a purpose. If that person sees me as important in him/her, i will do the same. I will prefer rage to silence. If you are angry, punch me or something. It is fine if i bleed. At least your heart does not hurt anymore. Don't go all quiet. If you go all quiet, i won't care. I've learnt that it needs everyone involved in the problem to successfully solve it, so no matter how hard i try, i might just make it worse, like that night. I learnt that forcing others to do what they don't want to do is hurtful. If they want to do it, they will naturally do it. If they want to meet me, they will call me. If i want to meet them, i will call them too. But the thing is, i don't miss people that easily. Might be the fear of rejection. Ever thought of maybe that person you want to ask out doesn't want to go out with you? I am that straight. If you call me and say you want to meet up, the first thing i think of is that you have me in your heart. I promise a day of fun, satisfaction and enjoyment for you. If i am to do anything wrong, i will sincerly apologise. At least i know i have tried. If you don't want to forgive me, there is nothing i can do also. I've reached another stage. I've got plans for most of the days until i go across to tekong. There isn't so much uncertainty until then. Don't know why... i desire for very little things now. Have or don't have, i don't quite care anymore.

Might shift my site to one that can host pictures. But that will be until i get a digicam or a good camera phone.

Screwed up dream

I woke up with my heart thumping this morning. I clearly remember what i dreamt of. The last scene that remains in my mind was me driving a sword through his head. I had already stabbed him twice in his body. His hands were shaking, trying their best to pluck out the sword. He was saying "oh shit" when i plunged that razor into his brain.

This isn't the scary part. The frightening part is how everyone around me fights as though it is a game, whereas when i saw that the enemies coming, i had this very strong motive and desire to kill them all. My comrade even let the enemy walk past him with the stupid reason of "needing to charge his sword". Dreams are comical la. But the fact that i was merciless frightens me. I killed him just like that. Yes he was so much stronger than me and i had to drove the sword into him several times. And i was the leader... like maximus in gladiator... what a screwed up dream...

"Forever is just a fictional word that makes fantasy complete." - Ray

Haha... kind of true... but then... forever happens in real life too...

If dreams are signs of the future...

In the past, i remember seeing things in real life that i had dreamt of before. If this is still true, i will get a chance to talk to her, and... my dad's car will have a lousy handbrake.

Best friend...

Sitting there, i look at her. Feeling nothing much. I just see someone different. Yes she isn't her age. She has seen much more things girls her age had seen. But still, i sense a young girl in her. But yeah, enough difference in her to make others tensed. Guess the best way is to accept her for who she is. Never should we judge anyone base on age or appearance. It is always good to treat a person "normally", like how you will treat a stranger. Guess the age is just for a rough guide.

I am also happiest when...

I realise that i am happiest not just having fun with others, but also when i am feeling most comfortable and being challenged intellectually by others.

Yesterday, just sitting there... having a very nice chat and discussion over that chivas... it was nice... very relaxed... very... comfortable...

Definition of the word "later"?

When someone says that she will call you back, it usually means that she will call you back soon. If not one hour later, maybe 1 day later? Or maybe even 3 days later?

I believe the word "later" does not mean more than 7 days right?

How much sincerity is shown? Zero. All i can say is... it is all... running... all escaping...

For somethings now, i have waited long enough. I have hoped for long enough. Drastic changes need to be made soon such that precise decisions are made. It will hurt... yes... but... there is only so much i can take... too long too much... i guess i cannot handle them all. Will you believe me if i say i don't care for anything now?

My cousin, anqing(yes he has the same spelling as my sis but it is different words), just added me in friendster. Suddenly made me think of my childhood with him. All the shit we got into. Both of us had grown up. Got a surprise at the stuff i read about him, but i was a pleasant surprise. I guess we haven't been interacting for a long time. Kor... if you ever stumbled upon here... you've got a really really nice site... i love the graphics stuff... see you in tekong soon...

I had been having lots of fun everyday. Really happy. =)

Going to change the song to a song that... i think is very familiar...

Feeling very nulled... yes might be because of the sickness... hope to get well soon... applied for my course in nus already... to tell you the truth... i didn't give it much thought... there's this bit of regret and fear in me... what if... Anyway, i hope i can get into it la. My pride is getting into my way. I really find it hard to cope with failure. Screw it manz. And the "friends" thing is getting into me. It's true that you make friends everywhere, and why bother about how angry or sad they get when you are equally sad and angry at the same time. Come on manz... the world is all about you, you and only you. Why let others affect you? Haha... this is a very bad entry... Whatever la... i need to go and take a nap. Regretted throwing the paper away last night. Regretted deleting what i typed. I can't get the exact words right now, so whatever lor. I am tired. An obstacle just pops up in front of me like that. When can i take the test again? Earliest is april something, which i will most probably be confined. And i need a weekend. I hate hassles. Life's too smooth for me. Or rather, i guess when it got too rocky, i hide like a weakling. I hate uncertainty too. What is going to happen in the future? I am too much a perfectionist. Someone brainwash me please. Something is very wrong with me. Time to close down this blog. Cos i feel that too much writing and reading cause harm to everyone. But then like that what am i going to do when i am bored? Things had gone too well for me... for too long... which wasnt good... having trouble switching to a tougher mode... it's the same like those footballers who grew up in those shanty towns with the minimal necessities... they learn to work hard... think there is too much trouble and problems... i need to feel relaxed and comfortable... i need to play mahjong... i need to talk to people i can talk to... i need to be with people that i don't know... i need fun... and i need... haha i need a lot of things... I called her on sun night... she was busy but she said she will call back... if she calls... i think i might tell her i am busy and i will call her back some other time... do i need a new phone? i really feel like buying one... but after losing the 7250... which i see as something part of me... i felt that having that thing before was enough... i don't need another one to replace it... a phone is just a tool used for smsing and calling people... am i ranting? oh gosh i am... but then so what... my wish now should a genie comes out would be to know how to go back in time... so i can change the past... and then i shall call myself the ultimate time traveller... i was thinking of looking for the printed copy of the story i wrote... because suddenly i feel like writing chapter 11 and 12... probably scribble them in pencil... i realised that there is psychology and other stuff that i might be interested in at ntu... but its for the future batches... they are new courses la... i feel like playing gunbound now... bye.......

If i apply for NUS, can i apply for NTU or SMU also?

Must i say i am very angry with the tester? What the hell manz... he marked me 16 points for something that i can't prevent... might as well fail me straightaway... whatever lor... and he was making stupid noises throughout the whole test... and kaopehing nonstop about my driving... fuck la... you don't know what is nervous ar... and you go and look at the traffic la... freaking heavy plus the rain... and fuck that van driver also la... can see i got double L plate he also don't know how to give way ar... really fucked up lor... my plan didnt work... i didnt get the licence before going into army... and damn suey... i got test route 2... instructors said its the toughest route... all right turns... so many lane changings... cos every right turn u make... u got to keep left after it... sorry la... i can't change from the leftest lane to the rightest lane in less than hundred metres with cars and buses and vans all around me and the rain pouring like shit...

The Butterfly Effect

Very disturbing. But it brought me to a whole new perspective. If i can go back in time... if... haha... it will be better not to even think of it. Change one thing, change everything. But what if you are willing to risk the uncertainty and whatever subsequent consequences that might happen after changing that one thing? I don't mind experiencing a whole new life if changing something really unhappy can make me much happier.

But then if changing that thing... haha... better not think... because if think can really think a long long way...

So much things have happened... and if i am to go back... many things won't happen... because i will be just making good stuff happening and preventing bad stuff... but then on another hand... history would be changed and so the future won't be the same...

Everything just let fate decides la...

I realise that i will take 3 things very badly - Defeat, Failure and Rejection.

They just really get me down.

-_- ZzZzZ... tired...

It will come a point of time when the boy tells the girl that he is tired of uncertainty. Even when the boy cares and loves the girl, the hurt the girl is giving the boy will eventually overcome everything. And when that time comes, both the girl and the boy are going to get very sad.

I've learnt that no matter how much i care and love for someone, if the person causes enough pain and hurt to me, just like what i did a few months back, the care and the love will eventually come to a stop.

I don't know why... i was very happy when i received my results yesterday... a lot of people saw me jumping around... and shouting... forgot who said he could hear me from upstairs... i won't say i am really happy with the results... i don't know la... perhaps it is the fact that i got to get into a university... i don't really have the ability to go overseas... i don't want to create a burden for my parents... after talking to my mum that day... the results meant a lot to me... It was like... at least it is going to be go smooth for me... i don't like hassle... i don't like troublesome stuff... life has always been a straight path for me... school after school... but growing up taught me other stuff... i really won't know what to do if the results didn't allow me to go to a uni... i wasn't happy about the results... maybe i am... about econs and lit... but gp and geog wasn't what i wanted... maybe it balanced out... maybe i should be happy...


I went into the class... then everyone was around ms nathan... i was standing in front of her... and i could see the stack of results in front of her... she was flipping through them and giving out one by one... i was trying very hard to see my name and to catch a rough glimpse of my results... but... it didn't quite appear... she was like giving out and i was like waiting... and my heart was thumping... i could practically hear it... and then suddenly she just took mine out and she put the real copy on the table... at that point i still haven't seen it and she put the other copy face down and asked me to sign it... i was like scribbling through my signature and at the same time forcing myself not to look at the other paper... and she said something which helped a lot... though i can't exactly remember what she said now... it's something about either doing well or going uni la... then when i first looked at the results... =)

It's like i just past another stage in life.

That night, i went to church. It had been a long long time since i went into a church. At least not directly into the church, but we were out at the compound. Sitting on the bench, with the statue of Mother Mary and a big cross in front of us. I prayed. Didn't pray as long as i would like to, because i don't know whether God will be patient enough to listen to all i've got to say. Anyway, i guessed God knew what i wanted to say. A pity i didn't hear any voice or anything then that will convince me. But i guess, this is what they always say... indeed, i felt much more hopeful after that.

Something's pulling at my muscle slightly below my left knee pit... it's the result of being unfit...

I guess Geminis can't do quizzes or those personality tests... their moods change too fast and they've got too many sides... so the results won't be too accurate... it's really such a drag when you can just bluff yourself into believing that you are something when you aren't exactly that...

My mum's definition of turf club(you know those place where you place your bets for 4D and toto??) is very cool... ya... she calls them donation centres... and she says that singaporeans are all very zhi dong... each week will guai guai go to these centres and donate money... =p

Lots of things on my mind... I am so... tired... suddenly... it's like all the weight lifted up from me suddenly... but i just don't feel like thinking of anything now... I'm confused... in a dilemma... i've got somethings to do... some stuff to tell people... but i just want to sleep it all off...

Today is a good day. I am happy with my results.

Had lots of fun just now. Then kind of forgot about everything. Reached home liao then laopeh ask me... so which uni you going to...

I really don't know. I thought i know what i want to do. But then i always had a few choices in mind and now i can't choose between them. Really is shang niao jing lor... i was like so relieved everything is over then... aiya nvm... i slowly go and think...

Facing the sea with the esplanade behind us,
Too bad there wasn't a breeze,
Neither were the stars there cos' of the cloudy sky,
But there we sat for quite sometime,
It was nice.

Hey you, thanks for talking to me. =)

While walking out of yck mrt, i saw Benjamin. We took 70... and guess who came up? That girl. Saw her several times already. I wrote of her before. I was... shocked... and she saw me too... and if she is who i think she is... she should know who i am... omg... words can't describe what i want to say la... it's really amazing... at how this few years... i could meet someone like this who left a lasting impression... and continuing seeing her at all sorts of places...

Got some stuff i would like others to read... cos' i think it is worth sharing...

This is very true... adapted from my dear friend's site... =)

"...a thing for nice guys. and nice guys usually mean lots of female friends. ya know, the kind that go "oh so-and-so? Hes sooo sweet!! Hes such a nice guy!!" that kind? sigh. yes. and moi over here, doesnt like sharing her guys. esp not with zillions of close female friends and with nice guys, they are seldom able to draw the line between a gf and normal female friend. i mean i can accept the fact that he has female friends, close ones at that, but if he treats them as though they are more important than me, or as though they mean more to him than his own gf, its time to leave.

another thing, its really evil, but dont u normally judge a guy by his past? like oh, what sorta girls he used to like, why was he crazy over them, i mean it kinda shows his taste in girls right? yeap, total turn-off. cant stand it when they are exceptionally close to those they used to have a thing for or had a thing going on before. like hello? close friends? how abt a spare tire or back up?"



Isn't it same the other way as well?

Some people's background are different. Family wealth, status and the ability to cope with any situation are different. I am guilty of spending too much money. Plus the shocking fact that laobu told me about the savings for my education, i got a bit worried. How far can i go in the future? Will my mentality or attitude change? Do i dare to risk? There's always much pressure on the eldest child. If you ask me to set up a company now, unless there is like a nearly fool-proof plan with a risk level of less than 20%, then maybe i will try. I don't have the capital to risk. I only have enough for just enough. And i am in state of being unfit... being lazy... being unmotivated... i don't even know where to go look for trishaws sellers. Maybe i do, but my yellow pages are too far away.

Had a nice steamboat on tues. Sean, Ariel and Zijie were damn funny. Ariel and me got slightly prawn-overdosed.

Went zouk/phuture yesterday. It was nice. Nice place. Like maze. And packed like tunas. You don't dance, people dance you. Guys were screwing their asses up my ass. Learnt more about other people. And surprisingly there were lots of friendly people around. Except for the few dudes who were trying to sandwiched us.

Had lots of fun with the people who went. Guanyou was damn funny. There was this rap competition. I was... Awed. And there was this group of guys standing on a higher platform dancing para-para style to the music. Imagine... when the word "love" or "heart" is said, they would use their hands to make this heart shape. LOL.

Puked. Cos' simply whatever that i had took in during dinner was rejected from my body. But after that the maggie soup tasted not bad.

Overall it was okie. Nice. It would had been better minus around 200 people and better music.

Thanks ariel for first bringing up this idea. And thanks everyone for supporting the idea. =)

Haven't done these kind of things in a long time...

Went to download the mp3 converter... convert the song to wma format... then i uploaded it to power web music... and even though there are several similar songs there... all of them don't work except mine... haha...

People say, you become wiser as you grow older. Words like "matured" come in. It is really true you know... when you can actually feel the difference when you talk to friends... friends whom are... erm... hard to explain... friends who were quite close to you once... but sort of drifted slightly away throughout this period of time, but now minus the school work and "busy" stuff, both of you are talking again.

I don't know if you all can feel it, or understand what i am saying. But the feeling, the mentality is all different, for example as when you just first started out your tertiary education, as compared to after it. I believe for guys, the process of maturing will continue throughout NS.

When i talk to some of the friends now, it's all... erm... "talking like friends"... i don't know... somehow this makes me feel that closer friends that i have... we just... don't know la... how come i feel so totally comfortable with these friends whom i don't know so well?

Maybe the saying of "the lesser you know, the better it is" is true. Like how Lost In Translation portrays... no burdens... no secrets to hide... no responsibility is the best way to enjoy each other's company.

It's like knowing someone too well... all his problems and sadness which you are awared of... unknowingly cause you to be aware of all these... which at the back of your mind acts as what i call a barrier... something which prevents total comfort between the two of you. People don't remember happy stuff as clearly as sad stuff. And in addition to human behaviour such as trying to escape from negative situations and trying to be above others, this causes actions which are done unnaturally... or some might put it as done for the sake of doing it...

Hah... i am digressing... too much thoughts are making me lazy to organise them... so the bottom line still is... humans are lousy...

When i look at Jefferson and Jonathan, i see a difference. Not one like "everyone's different", but one of even though being brothers, they handle things differently. Perhaps it might be due to the age also.

Jeff is 4? About there. Jon is almost 1 i think, if not already 1.

I would think Jon is still a baby, someone who can't express himself clearly in terms of needs and wants. Whereas Jeff is verbally-abled and he's actually smart.

Imagine, if both of them are to be in an aeroplane. Think of the time when you first took an airplane. The experience, and everything relating to it. Someone who is 1 year old might feel uncomfortable with all the air pressure and stuff and maybe the air sickness. He would most probably cry to voice out his displeasure. But for someone who is 4 or 5, someone who can understand commands and knows who his parents are, what exactly is running through his mind? Fear? Feeling of which he needs to be obedient and cannot cry because his parents say so? So there he sits in his seat, pushing all those negative feelings down that tiny body of his. Except, perhaps things aren't like that for all. Maybe he is feeling joyful at having such an experience. Awed maybe, scared? Nah...

1) It wont last cos he isn't focusing on the right things.
2) Have good feelings, but they wont work out.
3) Work too hard for too little pay.
4) In a depressed mood.
5) Long Island
6) Re-enactment of what happened, except it wasn't half as serious.
7) Don't understand them.

When there are constantly messages received on the phone by many different people, the mind acts in a very bad manner. It will start to treat these SMS, subconsciously, in a "take-for-granted" manner. It is quite understandable because, unknowingly, you know that(or perhaps, expect will be the word) people will message you. Except perhaps, from the people that you are interested in, then only you will take extra care in replying to them. Yes, it may sound tiring trying to treat every message you received in a more sincere manner. But, others do appreciate it.

It is somewhat different from someone who knows no one is going to message him. If someone does message him, i guess he will treat that person with as much importance as the meaning of the message.

tired... don't feel like blogging...