okie....time to go slp....tmr's sch start again officially....wed there is sc meeting...and investiture on fri...heard about tis rehearsal thingie...but not sure...go sch den check it out...think it will be interesting...damn gotta pack my bag again....

erm...penned down a bit of my thoughts on sms juz now...didnt send it out, juz typing it down....reorganising the tots...though didnt save most of them. But the main thing is i am feeling not very good...i juz know wad i haf juz done and things are going to come back again and ppl are going to bring everything up again cos i haf done it b4....regretted saying stuff yest...he was thinking about tat definitely...but how the hell did i remember....damn manz....it aint true anyway....i am a guy can~!!!!!!!!! fark lar....although my thinking has changed....however, this time, i am not sure. hahah i am so bloody hell glad tat tis time i am not sure~!!!! Afraid of another failed one... but i am so scared....so sorry for every shit i haf done...cud feel so bad juz looking at him and knowing wad i haf done might haf been beastly. But I CANT FREAKING HELL helped it... its all part of me...being nice and u know it can lead to all sorts of things...juz like wad rubin said..."u juz gotta do everything correctly and say everything correctly and tats all...everything will be smooth very soon" Its so damn bloody true can... everyone get influence by tat....and i cant stand the fact tat after i haf 'left', things are being said, as i assumed lar...paranoid ass....when have i ever become like dat....damn manz....i am changing again.....

damn hungry now....ate chips for dinner only....song bo....die liao lar....

the tais tais coming my house tmr play mahjong....haha....den got training...den go watch match again....:)

went play snooker after the match...me, fred, yf and wf...1st rd wf win...me 2nd...complacent lar...den 2nd rd i win...haha...

went war memorial there watch soccer wif fred wf, yh, yf, boon, jas and shuhui...turkey won korea 3-2...

today go st joseph home do cip....learn abit....a bit scare of the place now...

sometimes I've asked myself, what would make me happy? to think that i have everything else, i get what i want...then i realized it was YOU, too bad 'coz it's you i can't have... love can never be so beautiful without friendship... one leads to another and the process is irreversible... the best of lovers are the greatest of friends!!! love doesn't have to have a happy ending, because love doesn't have to end at all.

if you're afraid to love a person because of friendship, then you have choices, either to tell what you feel and let the love take place of forever, or to hide the feeling under a friendship full of pretensions.

"love may leave your heart like shattered glass, but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again" the
most cruel thing a guy could do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall! (and vice versa!)

fuck i dun like this....its so like me....damn and i juz dun like it...want really badly to change.....

true love hears what is not spoken, and understands what is not explained, for love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart... when you love, you must not accept anything in
return, for if you do, you're not loving but investing.If you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you're not loving but using...

WHAT IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU THIS:
don't believe in courtship. it's just a waste of time. if i love
a person, I'll tell her right away, but for you
I'll make an exception... just love me now, and I'll court you
forever!" Never be afraid to fall in love. it may hurt a
lot, it may give you aches and pains, but if you don't follow your
heart, in the end you will cry even more for not
giving love a chance.

ooh yar manz....its time to stop playing pool liao~!! tat is for xiao di di manz.....now its snooker....

hahha...i will nv imagine seeing the scene tat i saw juz now...it was quite hilarious manz....cos its like so impossible....but yes its there....hehehz...den i believed, as much as i know him, that he muz be thinking again....though liking it at the same time....but perhaps throwing the though aside after awhile....

but maybe he is misunderstood as well....juz like me....and jas oso....everyone's misunderstooded....

shit manz.....muz learn to lock my blog liao...

was feeling a littly bit lousy just now, when rubin, darren, alex and ken left and went home. Felt a bit lonely as no one was there. It seems that most times there are pple ard me...but i just felt shitty just now lar...its alright now. It's like i can haf all the time anyone needs if i am free for them...but when i need someone around...they are either free or doing smth else...but its alright lar...really... =)

just a bit disappointed about not getting what i want lar...most probably so...and i am just taking the frustration out of this...it's hard when u want to do it yet you cant or don't want to do it...and yet make urself so pek cek....hahaha pek cek can?? aiya nvm lar...tmr will be a new and better day...

and bloody xucun don't want to bet with me the brazil and germany match....he wants 50 bucks and i don't have tat lar...i told him 20 then he don't want liao...wtf

sooch: don't worry lar....everyone of us...all of us teenagers will go thru this process of life when we all doubt ourselves....about love and stuff....i got to say it ALWAYS happen....just take it like a passing process...a passing thing...that when we reach a certain age, it will be over. This is called life manz....tats why....we juz gotta let fate decides everything....its hard to say it for now....but most of us will find the right one one of these days....trust me...

then today did a lot of stuff....after econs paper...3 hrs leh...damn shit....write until sian already...now got phobia against geog and lit paper liao....haha so anyway....me, rubin, xucun, alex, ken, ne ne, july, sherry, and darren went to tis place at tanglin there....if im not wrong....shud be called dan ryan....food is cheap....11 bucks per person...and the servings is damn huge....u eat will eat till pengz sia....western food lar....and its not bad....esp the chowder soup....damn manz...i am like so hungry now, nv eat anything for dinner except ice cream. Then after the meal went play cs...hahah...showed who rules once and again...=p then after that went bowling....hahah heng i nv lost the last rd...if not gotta keep ball....den they all zhao home...left me alone...den i call a few ppl here and there....in the end meet derek go pa pool....den after tat sianz so go e games pa cs again....by the time we end bout 10 plus close to 11 liao....oh yar...me, derek and liangwei damn dumb...all 3 of us forgot to take our ICs and bus pass...den gotta walk back...oh yar...saw the whole grp of 27th at somerset mrt there...saw stanley again...he was playing cs wif me in the aftnoon....den it seems to be a council outing...saw terence, stanley, evien, oliver, chung jiat, jeremy and tat guy whom i forgot the name liao....whoa manz....its nice to join them...too bad i got to walk back get ic...den damien was wif us oso...and another of derek's fren...

so juz reached home lar....actually for sometime liao....tmr no sch....going out....but damn broke liao....dunno how to survive manz....den bloody darren and kenneth owe me money for the bowling....damn tired....really manz....need a break....need some exciting stuff to fulfil and satisfy me oso....oh yar...next wed got sc meeting...our 1st one~!! hahah...den oso gotta remember to try to learn the new songs....sat need to play abit...den sat got cip oso...damn sian manz.....how i wish i can take a one month break w/o having the need to do anything....

firstly....CTs are over~!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!!!!!!!

this is damn creative leh...

RECIPE FOR MAKING LOVE
>>>
>>>
>>>INGREDIENTS:
>>>4 Laughing eyes
>>>4 Well-shaped legs
>>>4 Loving arms
>>>2 Firm milk containers
>>>2 Nuts
>>>1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
>>>1 Firm banana
>>>
>>>DIRECTIONS :
>>>1. Look into laughing eyes.
>>>2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
>>>3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
>>>4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until
>>>well
>>>creamed. For best results, continue to knead milk containers
>>>5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover
>>>with nuts,
>>>leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
>>>6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana doesn't soften,
>>>repeat
>>>steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
>>>
>>>NOTES:
>>>1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully
>>>before and
>>>after use.
>>>2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
>>>3. If cake rises, leave town.

erm....utilitarianism...its so shit....cant remember anything about it...but othello and the caretaker was okie...haha...dunno how come so many pple concentrating on hard times den only me go read up on the caretaker...i think its so much easier leh...really...cos its all dialogue...den i can somehow relate...

Talking of luck, i met khairi at the orchard library after qooo mei and the others left. Then he was with sooch and wesley, they went play pool cos their exams over liao and i be good boy go back library study. Study until seh manz...totally seh...then go pizza hut see whether can see yifai there or not...haha heng heng he happened to look out also...so talk a bit...then i zhao home...
saw irving when the train stopping...he goes aye i oso goes aye...haha quite comical...then i tell him quickly get up the train...so bye bye lor...when going down the escalator, saw C.C.C. he waved i oso waved...then after exiting the gate bloody derek shouted my name....knew it manz...I KNEW IT MANZ~!! today is the day....hahah...no wonder so suey afterwards miss bus....must be derek liao lar...hahha he looks quite funny in aj sch uni leh...=) Then after that board the bus saw joshua, the cathigh 4-7 one...he with his friends then talked about kester and norman...thinks he remember me cos he was looking at me...oh yar...aj gals cant make it for nuts manz....totally...machiam 80% come from kampong one...=p

Literature was okie today. Can pass lar...but no good grades. And i cant do dickens for nuts...Hard Times lar...farking hell short manz...1 and 1/2 page...can fail by a bit i happy liao.

Anyway...econs last day tmr...then i am free for a while...go party a bit here and there perhaps...

Oh yar...

the very morning
i was looking for her
gave up hope and say its alright
and there she walks up the stairs
cheerful as always
saying how stupid can she get by being at the wrong place
i just stared.

At least 4 msgs, and not a single reply. I am greatly saddened. Day in day out, for the past 3 days...but not a single reply. What has happened??!! I thought everything is going to be fine again, but perhaps the inability to cheat anymore turns everything off, but for goodness sake how many times must i say i do not care about what had happened? A problem of verification here...me getting at what i want, and her getting at what she wants...she never bothers to let me know...and yet i made myself so clearly. Selfish ass. Maybe i should just call. Save all the trouble.

hahahah~!! germany just scored~!! i don't have to go without my pants for 1 week liao~!!! =))))))

came up here to type smth that i want to remember...

Othello:

Iago called Roderigo a snipe. He called Othello the moor and also an ass.

Quotes from Iago:
"I follow him to serve my turn upon him" -- has neither love nor duty but to use the person
"We cannot all be masters, nor all masters cannot be truly followed" -- yet performs the duty falsely
"Keep yet their hearts attending on themselves" -- only out of self interest/profit
"I am not what i am" -- deceiver of all

Iago: Milton's Satan
"I know my price, i am worth no worse a place"

Why does Iago commit such evil?
-dramatic opening scene
-one of treachery and malice
-revolves on the theme of hurt
-the human 'power to hurt' amd the 'power to be hurt' <---don't quite agree with this...how can you actually have POWER to be hurt, it's not within your control.
-the relationship between culpability(the impulse and capacity to inflict suffering) and vulnerbility(the capacity to suffer)
-extremest results - acts of murder and of suicide
-commonest kind of hurt - to be emotionally or physically rejected - of being militarily 'cashiered'

"never found a man who knew how to love himself"


The Caretaker

To pinter, laughter is :"a precaution, a smoke screen, a refusal to accept what is happening as recognizable and instead to view the actors as actors always and not as characters or chimpanzees"

"The Caretaker is funny up to a point. Beyond the point when it ceases to be funny" -- when laughter stops, the turn from comic to non comic signals a turn from security to insecurity.

Laughter can be of many reasons othen than humour.

"I can take nothing you say at face value. Every word you speak is open to any number of different interpretations." <----i think this is exceptionally true.

wah....easy rider...locked horns...rainbow arch....2 headed crab....double arch....flying fish sandwich....horsie-horsie(LOL)....elevator....deep rider....

kama sia...

goeg was okie...except a bit slack lar..do slowly den end up no time...hahah....last ques write abit here and there...but don't think can lar...not like O lvls...now need to have a lot of extra points here and there manz...can pass lar....but don't think got A...then alex and ken was writing and writing and asking for more paper...and in the end i still had 2 extra paper left....hahha....nvm...now for lit....juz now went mac study....finish Othello and most of Hard Times liao...so left Caretaker....then after tmr is econs...shit manz....OH YAR~!! i saw mr phay lookalike juz now~!!!! really really look a like manz...den i tot i saw him....his side view is EXACTLY the same....smth is wrong manz...but the front view diff lar....den i oso saw the smss angmoh lookalike....tis gal from ijtp...except she is chinese...but the eyes and mouth EXACTLY the same sia...wah....are these bad omens?? damn manz....maybe i will fail my econs and kana screwed by tat angmoh gal....=pp

i am



what sexual performer are you?

you are perverted. in a way. not only do you celebrate excess but you find ways of making everything exquisite. you like pool parties, lots of skin and other gatherings that turn into bachanallian bliss. you're a humanist with near inhuman carnal desires. more often than not you're breed are predicted to rot in hell, so sayeth television evangelists. satan reserves a seat for you.

you won't demure from an orgy if invited and you never cease the search for new contorted bodily pleasures. the party-animal in you could smell the scent of sex from a mile. you say yes to occasional bdsm and say no to bestiality. you are not that low.

oral sex? you like it porn style.

sexual positions? you can write kama sutra variations every year.


ooopzzzzzz~~ =p

fark manz...i got to let you all check out his site of writings...it's simply fantastic...

enjoy... http://www.ummhmm.net/words/index.html

Got this from eyean, that guy who created the sex quiz...i am sure he wont mind me publishing his works...its totally solid...out of the best league i ever seen manz...simply blows me away...awesome writing...he should have been a writer instead lar...


"and i will paint your toenails too..." i said, over a cup of coffee.
"oh stop, there is something evil in your smile," she replied but can hardly hide her grin too.
"devilish? demonic? maniacal?"
"no... wicked. you know, yummy wicked."
"horny?"
"hmmm. what do you think?" she said as she toyed with her fork.

sometimes she throws these and make you say what you think she's feeling right this moment. childish? no. playful. it all started this morning as we stepped out into the streets. the whole day ahead of us. i wore a light spring jacket and slung my camera bag over my shoulder. the small velbon tripod sticking it's feet up in the air. it was just past nine and we thought about having breakfast on the run. each having a messy sandwich and just wandering along blocks and blocks of concrete until she decides where to take me. i let her walk ahead for a few seconds. image-framing my mind. she wore black on a bright spring morning right down to her open sandals. i must've been lost in thought for quite some time because the next thing i knew, she was in front of my face.

"what?" she said as she flashed a side smile that slowly transformed into a sensual lower-lip bite.
"oh. just wondering about black," i answered, "if you're also wearing black underneath..."
"hahaha. that? ofcourse i am..."

she gave me a slight punch in chest and we laughed our way to find breakfast. we found one. bagelfellers? what a funny name, i thought. we walked along. aimlessly and soon enough i got my bearings and knew we were headed out to waterfront. she ate and sipped between walks and talks. i ate and smoked and took sips from her snapple. no cooties, she would always say. there was the occasional brisk wind that blew her hair over her face. i would snap pictures. then she'd be suppressing her smiles. why is that?

"i would love to spread your hair on the white sheets," i found myself saying, "and stand over just watching you..."
"just don't jump up and down the bed. it makes me dizzy..." she laughed.
"no seriously..."
"no. seriously." she said, sliding her hand upon my arm.
"ofcourse i won't jump. i'll be naked and it'd be funny if the swing-thing flaps up and down."
"buing," she said.

we broke in gales of laughter and sat on a concrete bench. i lit up again. she took the camera from my shoulder and studied the knobs and dials. she started shooting pictures. of me. it made me conscious. i'm used to be the one behind the lens. not the subject. she seemed to enjoy it. angling. framing. shutter just clicking and the whirring of the winding motor. she knew how to hold the cam. properly. i watched her fair hand contrasting underneath length of the black lens. she handled it well. her dainty fingers caressing the length of the cylindrical object. my mind raced. i tried not to think about it.

"you can shoot pictures of me when we get back," i told her, dragging a lungful of smoke in my chest.
"na-ah. this is enough. i don't know much about cameras."
"take naked pictures of me. well, after i shoot you first..."
"and do you think i'll do it?" she said. smiling impishly.
"we will... we will..."
"uhm. maybe..."

for the rest of the day. we went around the city and i would initiate these topics every half-hour or so. it was so casual. almost there. teasing. she would just listen and smile. make a retort or two. dismissing remarks that she didn't mean. eyes pondering. and there was that smile. not flirty but lined with sublime lust. it was heady. like downing your third six-pack after you lost a bet on your hometeam. we we're inside a kiddie toy shop when i told her about how i would love to see the shape of her back pasted in sweat on the wall. she seemed to flinch but told me to go on. how i would impale her in long agonising strokes. then i'd stop. and end my sentences with, "when we get back..."

mindblowing. like a daylong foreplay. the angry bulls of adrenaline rushing and subsiding in a controlled chaos of what is there to say. edging a bit up everytime. taking us there and pulling us down. it was a wonder we didn't get hit by a taxicab. we'd browse books and eye each other across the aisles. i was turning the pages on a book about royal navy ships of yore when i looked her way and she flashed a book from afar. kama sutra. i chuckled. the old man behind me just looked, and thought i was nuts. ofcourse i was going nuts. she placed it back in the shelf and bought the books she wanted. there was a staircase leading to the mezzanine. she went up and took a chair. and sat in one exquisite movement. she started reading. i was still looking at her when the lady behind the counter called me to step forward. i made silly purchase that day. animal kingdom fridge magnet poetry. how the hell would you turn words like "chordata" or "lupus" into poetry? i climbed the staircase after paying. we talked about books in hushed voices. the bookshop was full of people. nosey ones at that, she said.

"can you imagine yourself touched all over," i said looking away, "just by my fingertips..."
"ahhh. i can now..." she replied, giving me a slight kick under the table and matched it with that smile.
"you'd be standing still, legs slightly spread apart..."
"oh. god... stop it already... hihihi..."
"okay... what's french for undress me?"
"d?shabillez-moi..." she replied, with an unsure tone, "when we get back..."

two old ladies looked our way.

she said i can't smoke in the "cucina". time just flew and now it's lunch. we walked in ever tightening grips, touches and would let out a grunt, sigh or two every so often. she led me. more like, i was being allowed to say these things in the middle of serious or nonsensical talk. it was like a drug. dripping. inching. slowly. it transports us to a room. and then the mind runs wild. earlier, i placed my arms around her, locking her against the subway elevator. it wasn't crowded and the ride up was a long one. her back was behind me, her feet a step higher, the back of her head resting upon my shoulder. my mouth almost touching her ear. i whispered more. how i would cup my hands on her breasts and suck her shoulder blades when i spoon her later. she let out a giggle.

i wasn't really hungry. i played with my food. she had had plenty on her tray. i tried solving a crossword puzzle. american nuances. i'm so not used to that. she solved a few words for me. nice. she'd push her fork in my mouth, telling me to taste this or taste that. i'd always say yummy. it was all italian. we talked about stuff. a few gossips back home. who knocked up who and who's with who and whoever we couldn't really care less. i would look into her eyes and as always, she'd stare back. feline like. cat like. meow. purr. wicked. and i always tell her i love it. she would break off and look away or put the fork in her mouth and say, "oral fixation." then the laughter would echo again. each time much more suppressed than the last. for we know, by the end of the day. laughter would be gone. replaced by...

"desires," she said, pointing out an 18-across on the crossword puzzle.
"thank you..." i replied touching her cheek without letting my eyes leave the paper.
"you're welcome, honey," she added, "oh that other one is obvious..."
"this one? _ _ nni _ i _ gu_? oh, i know that. i'm saving it up for later."
with an amused tone she said "why?"
"because you're going to have it too..."
"ohh. god..."
"... lick her pearl but you can't get the belfast out of the girl..." i replied, finishing another word.
"what?"
"nicole blackman remember? her poem..."
"oh yes. she was weird..."
"strange, honey. strange," i said.
"like us..." she grabbed my neck and gave me a kiss, "when we get back..."

i was straining. i tried to shoot the billboards over broadway. a collage of ad each one promising to be as entertaining as it is forgettable. she had her favourites. i dare not tread on the phantom. i liked that even. i mean i saw it in london like four times. she would stay just behind me, pointing to some structures at times. but mostly, she'd just look at watch me do my thing. we found a flowershop, i bought a small oak in a pot. a bonsai oak? is it possible? or it looked like one. it was for her. she was amused at how i carried it around the streets and telling her stories about dryads. tree nymphs. she held my arm as we walked against the brisk hammering city winds. she wanted to watch a movie. i teased her about the great american idea of a date. movies and burger shop. she hates being called an "amgirl". then she lost her appetite. for a film. fuck. i was apologising and i think she must have loved the idea of me grovelling in the dirt. quick to forgive, she did.

"look an ice cream stand," she pointed out, "i'd like to have one..."
"hey, we just had our last meal two hours ago..."
"come..." she grabbed my free hand and we raced across the street. half-dragging me with my other hand on the flower pot.
"why would you want an ice cream now? i don't eat ice cream..."
"i know... but i want you to watch..."
"watch? what..."
"watch me while i..." she didn't finish her sentence, she let my mind to it.

sure she was there. in front of me. my butt seated on a railing with the flower pot on the pavement. we talked. she ate. it was distracting. my eyes were being led to her mouth. both her lips descending on top of the cold melting cream. she would speak, at times running her tongue along the sides of the cone. she did this deliberately. i thought. i lit a smoke, and looked across the traffic. her neck followed suit. the side of her face just in front of me. she looked at the ice cream in her hand and scooped up a soft fingerful... and placed it in her mouth...

she shopped on the side. bought a clothing or two. i sat on a lounge chair as i waited for her. the dressing room was partitioned by a curtain. she would toss what she took off on top of the curtain bar. i couldn't believe what she was doing. she was trying out a top and i could see her fingers hanging her underpants. i stood up and walked towards the curtain.

"what are you doing?" i asked in a hushed voice.
"i'm standing here... naked..." her voice enticing.
"what?" i feigned deafness.
"naked... and you can't come in..." she continued, "i'm watching myself in all three mirrors. just please stand there."

the people coming out of the other dressing rooms were looking at me. she spoke as if there was no one in the world but us. i would cringe at how she said she's touching the sides of her breasts. her tummy. how it would feel to have my lips on the part she's caressing. fuck. i was screaming stop, in my mind. my back was on the curtain and i was facing aisles upon aisles of clothes and people passing by. she took my arm and we went to the counter. she was already dressed, i was unable to speak, but kept saying things like. "you're crazy, you know that?" and she'd just smile.

i was finishing my coffee. she was still toying with her fork. soon it would be dark. soon it would be sunday. soon we will get a ride.

"what do you think?" she repeated, sensing i was lost again.
"horny... devils..." i said. she laughed a bit.
"so what toenail color would you prefer?" she asked with slight smirk, changing the topic.
"i dunno... black..." i replied.
"that's what i have in mind."
"uhm. nice. kinky but nice..."

the laughter died on the walk towards where i stayed. we just had one thing in mind. it was boiling up the whole day. now it was reaching a calm. before the storm. a silent crescendo, as she puts it. we were whispering in the trains earlier. how i would pound her looking down like a warrior. she would just rub her face against my chin. my arm around her as the train rocked in its tracks. she would let out a soft moan when we kissed. we would stare at each other's eyes. faces devoid of anything but sin. lust. i held her waist as we rounded the corner. we didn't speak a word since we got out of the subway. i could feel electricity running from her body. our footsteps gathered pace. as if we were breaking into a half-run. i looked at her, steadying my gait. she was heaving as i was. small drops of rain started to fall. the clouds were gathering. for a downpour. i could hear the hissing of water hitting my skin. we made it to the canopy just before the rain started to fall. a few steps and a revolving door. we stormed across the lobby. eyes straight ahead. thinking back. the whole of today. of word play. of foreplay.

what was said. will be done. we both know.

who wants. to get fucked.

Adapted from "The Flatulent Mind"

your friend

don't give me quotable quotes on friendship, well at least cicero once said that "a friend is a second self."

what is a friend?

we value friendship even if they casually impede, intersperse or plain intrude in our own private lives. we allow this, the friendly interloper. what do friends do aside from suitably forgetting to return dvd's, tools and books? what do friends do aside from laugh at our peculiarities and revel privately at our bulging waistlines and receding hairlines? what do friends do aside from putting us down only to be put up again?

for one, they are not pets, other forms of the animal kingdom that would stick to you for as long as it breathes. pets who won't scorn or scold you, pets who take you as you are without prejudice, malice or that pride pumping resentment. pets who won't laugh at your torn socks, jamaican-colour emblazoned knickers, your wind-blown front-side-back toupée and dorky mid-life crisis reading materials. friends on the other hand could drop you like a hot tamale when something interests them and it's not you.

friends keep you from being that sorrow-joe holding that lonely cinema-ticket while queuing for a mush-central film. they keep you from being that spinster-like lady supping on pasta in a corner table in a noisy restaurant filled with snogging couples. they keep you from being that sorry looking figure that haunts the parks, the stores and the streets in painful undeserved solace.

so what are friends good for? well, you won't engage in half-imagined rumours from strangers while seated alone in a bus if you have friends with you, glossing your otherwise mundane ride with a few minutes of bliss. let's not go into that crying and need a shoulder thing just yet, you can do that to an alien too. consider the fleeting feeling of fear of solitude that you know wouldn't be that fleeting -- at all. ahhh. the single-person longevity factor. be it the obviously single, the recent divorcee, the separated spouse or the contrived loner. we long for friends, who'll stay and be there without being too hallmarky. there is no relief from introspection, having to think of past failed romances that took a nosedive in a year or two or even less, the thought of the almost non-existence of the 'friendship' that followed, the nagging sinking feeling of how long can we grip at the few years of friendship. the prolonged examination of one's life can be a deadly pursuit for the chronically alone.

you look at the young and they are still bursting with what life has to offer. you see the old and they seem to have smiles and just glad that they are living. then, you look at yourself at the doorstep of the middle life -- damn, you are so compartmentalized. you have so many tiny little subcultures so diverse that it hinders pristine friendships. i mean can a wallowing alternative-music listening back-office working you be interested with a party-loving hip-hop listening investment broker? that person may just be the sensitive type for you but the image of that person you want barely fits mr or ms. hiphop. you may want and be so blindly attracted to a street-smart alternative lifestyle-livin ultra-hip barely-employed artist. that person may not have the sensitivity you want but hey, it fits the image of mr. or ms. cool. you now think you have so many choices but in your innermost fears, you are almost running on empty.

women and women friendships seem to be a form of an ideal friendship. under most favourable situations, women use their female friends as therapeutic sounding boards for her relationship concerns. is he mr. right? he does have a weird scent in the morning. he's not at all sensitive. then the question of commitment arises and the finality of dumping him resonates from the decisions gleaned from those joyous girlie-chats. beware the single-woman whose friends bare their fangs at you with like a wolf pack to a cornered lamb. but then again, if the decision was entirely yours without the consensus of the female horde, consider yourself mature and most-likely keeps to yourself and bravo -- you just 'upped the stakes' in being a lonesome soul for the rest of your life. well, not too late, you can still be annoyingly cheery.

men on the other hand are not as intense. they could wind down the day in a watering hole and with a cold one to loosen the tensions of the daily joe-jobs. intimate discussions? forget it. need to cry? forget it. spousal aspirations? forget it, ooppss not quite. there's the talk of equipment package required. a talk about a nice pair jahoobies and the correct butt for a future wife would make the male's day. men tread on dangerous waters when it comes to men-on-men friendships. be careful to talk about the arts, fashion or the articulate and the sensitive. gossip may start to move around that you and your best friend are taking holidays together. unthinkable for most men but what the females of the specie enjoy annually. to be on the safe side, two alpha males have a need of a third moron.

to find that elusive balance between man and woman friendships that can be deeply satisfying and most likely the model for a platonic relationship, there is that thing called chemistry. did it just make you shudder? it's an overused pseudo-intellectual-romantic word for those who lack an articulated verbal brain -- just like i do. we can't have too much or too less of that. we can't have friends that erupts like vesuvius every time they are in the same room as you and we can't have friends that are so invisible it even annoys you to try and search for them in the same room. equilibrium is the word. that freaky word that eluded me a few minutes ago.

i still haven't answered my main question. fark. what's supposed to be a lunchtime musing has turned into something monstrous. so if a friend is one's second self, one must accept the fact that this second self may not always go the way you want. it's like a scruple on principles, on likes and dislikes, of silence and noise, of bickering... of things that test the extremities of your sanity at such close range. without these sporadic conflicts, there's hardly any friendship at all.

there, now what do we do with the ersatz friends? the quasi-friend. ahhh. they are the public version of pret a porter's. the ready-to-wear of the social world. these are individuals who can be summoned over to provide a semblance of friendship without the wear and tear. they relieve the monotony but sometimes can be irritating as a wicked skin rash. they supply us with connections, idle gossip, shopping tips, forwarded email jokes, sport events and practised canned smiles. they can be a group of individuals too, like transient comradeship or work peers with jokes told again and again. but most of us don't really mind this at all, there's no real loss when they go away. you can always find another or they will find you.

okay, here we arrive at online friendships. what the hell are they? can we generate an unwavering bond with people whose flesh you haven't even seen? you can't have a pint or two with them. you can't ride in the backseat with them while you moon pedestrians. you can't even see them smile, wink or laugh out loud even when they are typing =) or ;) or "lol". they may lack the physical but sure you can feel warmth. searching for platonic? there you go, you have them online. the best virtual companionship. these are an exultant convergence of thoughts and spirits, naked from the delineating confines of colour, race, accents and odour. they laugh with you, sympathise with you, appreciate you and disagree with you... they tolerate you as you are... even if you are useless to them... that is a definition of friendship.

again, i am not a nice person. again, i see nothing special about me. again, i revel in my third-rate ordinariness. but people confide in me, people talk to me, people brown their noses on me, people clash with me and people treat me as a friend. i thank them for that.

i don't expect anything from friends but i know i take them as they are.

i suppose i was born a cynic and i still am.

but milder, calmer and softer.

Why is it that there is a need for a guy and a girl to go through the whole process of courtship aka jioing part before they can be in a BGR? The only answer is that to know each other better first, and to prevent making "mistakes", and getting sad and stuff. How nice will everything be if both sides just decide to "try it out", as in both parties know each other, but yet "not so well". There is no rule that says that both sides got to go through the tedious and 'mafan' process of courtship. Think of ber and eunice manz...hahaha...Maybe all guys should just try their luck and pop the question to the girl they are interested in asap...perhaps...just perhaps the whole relationship may be better than one that has gone through all the shit.

Have you ever...
01. Fallen for your best friend? yupz...perhaps, got lottas best frens ard...
02. Made out with JUST a friend? hmm...i guess so...
03. Been rejected? erm...think so...
04. Been in love? yupz definitely
05. Been in lust? Countless...everyday...
06. Used someone? indirectly?? shud haf lar...
07. Been used? of course lar...who hasnt been used b4?
08. Cheated on someone? think so...
09. Been cheated on? yupz
10. Been kissed? ya
11. Done something you regret? doh...a few times here and there
Who was the last person...
12. You touched? erm...forgot liao...one of my family member...
13. You talked to? laobu...about bathing and going out for dinner
14. You hugged? Wow. erm...that has got to be eve i think...tat day at chalet when we tot i was going off...
15. You instant messaged? erm...last one was koala telling her i am not crazy...
16. You kissed? erm... :x
17. You had sex with? -act matured- well...u see arh...i am 17 arh...still young lar...so erm...
18. You yelled at? think shud be my dad some days back...
19. You laughed with? yh, ber, eunice and boon
20. You had a crush on? she loh....orh no no...he he...
21. Who broke your heart? erm...hard ques...
Do you...
22. Color your hair? erm...a bit lar...colour coming back again
23. Have tattoos? Nah
24. Piercings? Nah
25. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? lots of.
26. Floss daily? Nah
27. Own a webcam? Nah...might as well get a laptop better
28. Ever get off the damn computer? yar...sure sure...
29. Sprechen sie deutsche? eh...tis is in dutch~!! i know i know~!!
30. Habla espanol? and this is in spainish~!!! wo men lai jiang hua yu how ma?
Have you/do you/do you have...
40. Considered a life of crime? no...for wad?? siao arh.
41. Considered being a hooker? nah...aids dangerouns leh
42. Considered being a pimp? pimping is for xucun lar...
43. Are you psycho? depends on how u gauge a psycho is...
44. Split personalities? a bit here and there sometimes here and there lar...
45. Schizophrenic? wtf is tat...okok i remember seeing the words countless times in quizes...but cmon manz...i dun think i am....
46. Obsessive? shit lar...got a test oso like dat...dunno where issit liao...
47. Obsessive compulsive? wth is wif all these words...same ans as prev...
48. Panic? erm...seldom
49. Anxiety? when only i gotta perform under pressure
50. Depressed? nah~!!! oh cmon manz~!!!
51. Suicidal? siao siao siao...i gotta ask those who said yes this... FOR WHAT FUCKING SHIT???
52. Obsessed with hate? nah...sometimes...keep it under control...
53. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? Nah
54. Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? yupz...
55. If you could be anywhere, where would you be? erm...in the company of all my frens...
56. What would you be doing? having lottas fun...
58. What are you listening to? Ah mei's Ting hai
59. Can you do anything freakish with your body? erm...i sometimes can make clucking sounds with my toes nonstop
60. Chicken or fish? depends on mood lar
61. Do you have a favourite animal, no matter how lame it may be? hahha~!! i love this manz~!! DINOSAURS~!!!!!! grrrrrr~~
Current Clothes: wearing nothing at home....buck naked...LOL~
Current Mood: a bit hungry and tired and horny(paiseh)
Current Music: refer to above.
Current Taste: erm...some juice will be nice...
Current Hair: erm...usual loh...when i wake up...den hair pong pong....
Current Annoyance: erm...how spas some ppl can get...
Current Smell: natural body smell
Current thing I ought to be doing: having sex...
Current Desktop Picture: erm...its tis totally gorgeous babe~! whew...
Current Favorite Group: NEH NEH TONG~!!!
Current Book: david waugh geog...
Current DVD In Player: the dvd player is empty...
Current Refreshment: nothing...going out for dinner soon
Current Worry: how bad the cts can be...
Current Crush: erm...a lot leh...=p
Current Favorite Celebrity: myself...hahah...aiya i juz love myself lar...
FAVORITE...
Food: erm...any food that i like lar...monkey brains, dino legs, tiger pussy =p
Drink: anything sweet i suppose...
Color: orange, yellow, blue
Shoes: the mud shoes i haf
Candy: erm...a lot oso leh...but mentos is nice...
Animal: dinosaur!~!!
TV Show: ZHENG QING~!!! LMAO~! haha siao arh...crazy show...dun haf one tat is my fav lar...
Movie: erm...a lot oso leh...wah~!! athena chu on tv~!!
Dance: anything i can get my ass moving...
Vegetable: erm...a lot oso...oh yar~!! erm...grass~!!
Fruit: a lot a alot larrrr...papayas are the best~!!! =p
ARE YOU...
Understanding: erm...nah
Open-minded: nah
Arrogant: yupz
Insecure: sometimes abit here and there...
Interesting: nah
Hungry: yupz...mostly
Friendly: nah...me is anti...
Smart: nah...going to fail my CTs soon
Moody: erm....basically hor...its quite controlled lar..
Childish: erm...wad do u peepz say leh?? not very rite?
Independent: not really...not as independent as spore yet
Hard working: erm...depends lor...if i like wad i am doing, den i am la
Organized: erm...when i like to...
Healthy: erm...not really la...mind a bit sick...=pp
Emotionally Stable: erm....long time nv cry liao leh...
Shy: erm...ya...i....think....so.....*blush*
Difficult: not really lar...if u talk, i will understand...
Attractive: yar sure sure...my ass loe...
Bored Easily: okie la...as long as got pple ard i wont get bored
Thirsty: erm...dun really drink much...milk??
Responsible: yupz....
Sad: nah
Happy: is smth i aim towards to everyday
Trusting: u can almost say definitely...but not good to thrust too much lar...=pp
Talkative: erm yar of course~! i am shy remember??
Original: eh...i got a twin last yr lar...
Different: erm...i am more yandao than him...=pp
Unique: i am getting bored wif tis quiz now...
Lonely: YES VERY~!!!
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
Kill: erm...ppl who cantr haf peace...
Slap: my dick
Look Like: erm...a lot of pple..
Be Like: me me me
Talk To Offline: erm...shhhhhhhh
Name: LAH
Nicknames: erm...lah lah?
Parents nicknames: da de(big one), er zhi
Age: 17
Hair color: Black...washing a bit off liao
Birthday: 29th may
Eye Color: black, abit to the brown side
Siblings: 1 qing mei
Righty or lefty? Righty.
How do you describe yourself: erm...human being...oh no no...alien~!!
What's your sign? Gemini
Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend? har? i tot i done tis b4 liao??
On Friends...
Best Friend(s): tis is the list that never end...(sang to the tune of tis is the song tat nv ends)
Friend(s) you go to for advice? erm...sometimes getting a bit of advice here and there from everyone
Friend(s) you have the most fun with? The brothers of class 4-5 year 2001....yea yea
Friend(s) you've dreamt about? erm....one most clear one is ah poon...
Friend(s) your tell secrets to? erm alot oso...depends only if they are interested and willing to listen...
On Dating...
Long or short hair? long
Dark or blond hair? Dark
6 pack or muscular arms? 6 pack
Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? funny
Good grrL or bad grrL? badddddddddddddd...real 'bad' and 'naughty' =p
Dark or light eyes? anything i like lar...
Hat or no hat? anything la...can carry off can liao
Pierced or no? pierced
Freckles or none? nice can liao la...mafan leh....
Stubble or neatly shaved? neatly shaved
Rugged outdoorsy type or sporty type? rugged
All American, homey G, or grunge? wtf
Accent or American? erm...accent
On preferences...
Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? milk~!!!!!!!!
McDonalds or Burger King? mac
Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? erm...perfect lover
Sweet or sour? sweet
Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? coke? root beer la
Sappy/action/comedy/horror? action comedy romance
Cats or dogs? DINOSAURS~!!! dogs la...
Ocean or Pool? pool...8 ball anyone??
Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? yea yea....grass~!!
Mud or Jell-O wrestling? erm...anyone wanna pa cs??
With or without ice-cubes? abit here and there la
Shine or rain? shine
Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? erm...everyday one can?
Vanilla or Chocolate? Vanilla
Snowboarding or skiing? both...and parachuting and deep sea diving...
Cake or cookies? fuck la...depends la...
Cereal or toast? toast~!!!!!!!!!!!
Gloves or mittens? Gloves...i tot mittens for those xiao mei mei one... hahah~~ for eve loe...=pp
Eyes open or closed? wah~~ playing cat and mouse ar?? eh open better...i run faster...
Fly or breathe under water? Fly
Bunk-bed or waterbed? can slp can liao
Chewing gum or hard candy? gum
Motor boat or sailboat? sailboat
Lights on or off? on
What's your favorite:
Number? dun really haf one...dun mind 7,8,9,10,11,17,20
Holiday? erm...any hols is a good one for me
Radio station? dun listen to radio much nowadays
Place? my room
Flowers? anything tat looks nice and fresh can liao
Scent? the smell of her...

going to go and do the super long quiz...too sian liao...

change the template of my blog again...cos' i am bored...yea bored...

chio bu ar chio bu...where are you!!?? -sang to the tune of srcccccooooooooooobbyyyyyyyy doooooooooooooooooooo~~where are youuuuu??

I love her...she loves him...we are one big family...cos' everyone can be so happy...if only they want to be that way...=)

oh yar...next time need bag go eunice's house find can liao...a lot of nice ones and she never use...ber's house also got alot...good good...hahah...

so well...was out yest since the evening for organ class, gotten 3 new pieces. Damn cheem, damn hard...but who cares manz...i am still going to learn them right? Then after that took train change bus to boon's house. Bloody 171 driver take so damn freaking long to come, but anyway, was damn hungry when i reached there, sat around and eat, talk cock, bbq, fan the fire, check soccer score, about that lar. Went boon's house after that play daidee, eunice was talking to a totally crazy guy in irc...hahah~~ aiya that guy's just horny la...at that time of the night...keke...after that went eunice's house study, qian ren laopeh went home, so me, boon, ber and her study loh...tried really hard...until about 4. After that we all gave up and go watch south park clips, damn fucking funny...really...esp that one about condoms. It's so damn cute and crude as well...anyway, went slp later, all squeezed into her room...slept until 11, then i pia home.

it's time to do geog manz...yea yea...I LOVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEE MARIAN CHONG~!!!!!!!!!

realise smth...that girls often get along well with their dads than their mum....whereas for sons....it can be any case...

fucking hell laggy this few hours of the day always...hate it when it take so long to just load a single page...anyway i am just taking a break after a heavy meal...its damn nice can...cooked by my lao bu~~ hahah she rocks manz...

fuck....sorry for the prev word....now i understand liao...got to apologise to the pple reading those stuff that i had written many ages ago....dun actually quite like wad i was reading....about the prev entry....its so bleah....shit manz....now i really understand liao....haha....but anyway its so over liao....paiseh paiseh....too full of myself leh i realise so...shit shit...okok...learn smth new again today....and no more caps anymore....reminds me of someone and i absolutely hate it~!! okok....no more of that kind of stuff....no more....

hahhahah pple take a look at this manz~!!! tis is one of my few earliest entries in tis blog....its quite old loh....and dammmmmnn funny~!! really really....got talk abit about youzong's laopeh and oso kick ji(ball lar)....enjoy....

Tuesday, April 10

okie...this is the dunno wat time i am doing this...cos yest com like sai...den today very eventful...oso very farnie...today go sch got into the wrong compartment of train...i think i am one of the only 2 guys standing there...at least 10 others opp sex there..not bad lah..can diao chio bu...den cum sch nuthing quite unusual happen...den fuck...fail physics test by 1 mark...fuck manfred...dun wan to gif me his one mark..today maths pass quite fast...actually wanna kick ji...but youzong lao pei not happy...den so after sch go pa pool...bought 8 bucks shirt...not bad...looks like the portugal jersey...den saw S and fred's shimei...sorrie hor guys...tok so much crap...i think u guys the eyes a bit blur liao rite...sorrie hor...paisei...okok..i ending soon liao...really ending liao...its true...really lahz...u must believe me leh....hiyah...i oso scare the com monitor no ink to type out the words...hehe...den now smsing S...she wanna intro fred's shimei to me...uh huh...i heard u guys...me no des hor...u wanna next time i fuck..i confirm ask u join in...as they say..the more the merrier...orh yeah...den juz now at mac...got a group of 'siao ar' laughing like siao...den the chio bu sitting 2 chairs away was like glancing me....whoa..the YANDAO KIA....tats me...its true...uhh......den still got wat ar....orh...must bring smkdwn2 to ong bu tml...better go take now...i standing up now...walking to my room to take the cd...den come back sit down to type all this crap out....wha...type so long...i think i better stop now...gotta go and study ting xie tml...aiyah...but ting xie in 4-3 always like free one...hehhe...wha...almost like writing compo liao....hehe...krishnan will be so PROUD of me....imagine tat manz....ok lah... a finally note... some of the words are purposely tye this way to protect the pple...so guys pls dun assume unless its proven...as i say..toking crap is so fun....and i betcha u know wat crap are...u know...those things wif 8 legs....huh...or issit 6??aiyah nvm oso...den must remind those guys out there....its like 19 more weeks to the big thing...aiyah...not the big show larZ...he sugs anyway....so big...juz pinch hie nip can liao...den he will moan like jiechao today....haha...wha lanz...really must go pong pong liao...stinks manz...cya guys...sorrie for the craps(butter).....haiz...den today tok bout vince...3 mths liao...still haven... WEI SHEN MO...hey aye aye...not u lah ber....not going say bout u lahz....tats NORMAL lah...nvm vincent...i yong yuan zhi chi ni...weefong oso...take ur time slowly hor....slow is good....everlasting like wat i use to say....ar huh...den this friday how guys??
posted by L. A.H. Tuesday, April 10, 2001

erm....EVERYONE~!! WADEVA I WRITE HERE IS CRAP~!!!! LOL~!! TIS IS CRAP OSO SO I DUN THINK I THINK IS QUITE UNCRAPPY ABOUT THIS~!!

hahah boon got bbq later...so going his house for it...but got to study a bit 1st...then match starting soon liao...hope spain wins...:)

some damn true stuff... about guys wanting gals to know...that's what i think lar...

3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.

5. Don't treat us like shit, what goes around comes around.

9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.

10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.

11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong.

16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."

18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.

19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.

21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.

24. PMS is not an excuse

26. Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.

27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind.

28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your friends, but to us it's just wrong.

30. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.

cmon manz....2 beepz who cant make it talking about gals....pls....spare me from the agony....=pppppp

wahhhhhhhhhh~~ i am soooooooo full can.....MURTABAK~!!! issit how to spell ar?? dunno lar...we all were like eating till pengz....hahah....but its worth it lar...quality pratas....

and blardee hell....england lost...i wud haf prefer england go in than brazil....but its okie lar....same same....

den i lost 1 buck overall for mahjong....

watch soccer...play mahjong...eat roti prata...

haha....tai tai's life sia....not bad not bad...

why chinx talked with her frens use the channel topic one ar?? then always ask them to call her when they see the topic...cant she call them herself sr8 away...hahha...bleah...gals...

whoa whoa whoa...she is soooooooooooooo happening...ice hockey sia...hmmmz...well well well...i never had looked wrongly....

yay~!!
feeling of acomplishment is great....haiz....maybe not that great lar...because that is not so myself...
but anyway...
hahah i can even laugh at how i laugh manz...good good....downgrading myself totally like how a piece of shit should be....

good night.

damn tired...going to sleep early tonight...no one waiting for someone to sleep 1st....like that i can die 1st...

:: how jedi are you? ::

was having a really interesting conversation online last night with tham...talked about a lot of stuff...then after that he went out for supper with his bro...

oh yar...the 28th is to play a soccer match with tham's team...if we don't have enough, can merge with 27th. And if they don't have enough, tham say he will ask from the 18th, 19th or/and 20th.

hahah...good idea...and oh yar...a SC party soon also...

hahha....marriage pple???

think of the word marriage..think hard hard hor...

haha....hello eve~!! dun read until pajiao hor...

Quote of the day(attitude): Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows

meaning that just look at the bright side always and none of the 'bad' stuff will happen...

Twinkling twinkling little star...i see thou art everywhere...

Main purpose in my life: To be happy lor...=)
Main purpose in my studies: To study as much as i can and get my head filled up with infomation
Main purpose in my love life: To get a gf who will understand me totally and allow me to continue to be what i am to everyone else
Main purpose in my family: To make my lao peh understand me more and to foster better relationship with my lao bu and sis
Main purpose in my social life: To make sure everyone around me is happy can liao.
Main purpose in SC: To make sure that everything goes on smoothly and everyone is maintaining a high level of work attitude...meaning everything is fine...duh.

blah blah blah...
why cant i be close and friendly to everyone? instead of juz to one person...selfish right...
and lao bu juz asked me whether i got bet on soccer anotz...
hahah...i really didnt...if i got i wud haf won...

I think someone is playing with my life...
bcos it's like this few days, the pple i am close to happen to be just like a fixed number, as though as there is some limit to it.
okie lar...its like i assume so lar...thought so lar...
1stly were the 2 darlz and dear dear...don't leh...thought they all were pissed at me
then qoo and jiahui...got so much closer to them...though i tot i was always like that with jia...=)
then the next day another 'good' bomb fell...msg someone whom i havent contact for a long long time...and a reply came~! =)
then well...i guess everything should be better lar...jas said she wasnt pissed...well...i don't know??

JAPAN LOST~!!!!!!!!!! =((((((((((((((((((

hahhahahah...damn damn damn...
i cant help thinking of E...
no wonder boon was noticing her...

haiz....raging hormones...

LOL~!! It will be a 4 way match~!!! DAMN COOL U KNOW~!!!
hahahh~~its btwn -drumroll- ..... jiaotao~!!!! ME~!!~!! the bowler and the tiko guy(paiseh hor ex-laopeh)

Aiya...
must be realistic...
at this age...
this kind of age....
teens...17
yar about it...
actually a few words sum up everything...
trying out...meaning risking lar...
flings...definitely not marriage...
studies...of course lar...everyone got to study...

erm...actually got a lot more.....but the most impt is why cant everyone not have feelings and thinking and judgement....hahahh~!!!
MAY EVERYONE BE SENILE~!!!! LOL~!!
den everyone don't have to think so much....really lor....u just go and think...
these thoughts....hahah EXACTLY as what i am writing out now...shows i am thinking too much and caring too much...
we shud all be born robots...set out on tasks to do everyday....priorities....
thats all......no external thoughts....tat is like so cool...
everyone will be like zombies....
heheezzzzz~!!
no lar....okok nvm......wad i mean is like everyone shud be juz given the right to say what they want lar....
hahahh......welcome to the real world....realistic manz....

shit manz.....i realise i have changed....a lot these past weeks...hahhah.....i can even see it manz...
no lar...its juz the thoughts....
juz being more realistic....
cmon manz....tis is a real world...
its like....marriage?? orh orh....surely leh.....go on go on....go get wedding ring lar....
cmon lar....xiao di...u wad age only....
i mean anything can happen manz.....was toking to qy bout it....haha..and she was shocked....aiya she is too guai lar...
but cmon manz...be adventurous abit can....its not as if its a crime....
shit manz....i think i am going to be brand as shit now....hahah...aiya.....but i am juz being real....dun think many pple can understand....
i am juz bored of life lar....everyday study and crap.....hahha...high expectations of a better life...perhaps so...i am older now...than b4....tats why perhaps those thoughts....
and damn......turkey juz scored against japan....

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Where Are Thou My Twinkling Star?

When things are good, they get really good, and when they start getting bad, you never realise it until it rots.

Therefore, i shall go and study now.

Blah...i am back...hahah...from eating my heart out...no one's home and i am lonely and bored...but its alright lar...i just don't care...adopt the 4-5 attitude of heck care...haha.....

It sucks sucks sucks...never felt so bad in my life before...smth must be wrong...cmon manz...me leh...its me the great lah lah...feeling bad?? nahhhh....how can i actually feel that...cannot cannot...damn.

Oh well well well... my dear PW arh... how have you been?? I am so sorry that my leader doesn't want to inform me of any dates so that we can work smth on you. It's quite sad ain't it. I am beginning to get frightened of you as well... so my dear PW... erm...please try your best to enter the mind of my group leader and inform him that we better start doing smth on you.

Sometimes, okie this is really true, when you reach the highest point of liking someone, this someone says smth that will hurt a bit, even though usually you will just understand and let this pass, but just because of reaching the highest point, whatever insulting or sad things that this someone said will anger and sadden you even more.

Suddenly, everything seems to come crashing down on me. I lost a bit of hope, unable to understand what made everything went wrong, i gave up. Heck is the word.

Holding your breath too long can kill you.Holding your feelings inside can too.

It's true... everyone must learn to voice out their feelings openly, but wisely... meaning saying only true things.

haha....yest somebody damn turned on...hahha...hahahahhaah~!! damn funny can...tsk...lick lick...well....everyone was drunk(AGAIN)

okok i got a bit worse than the prev time...fark lar...

Simple job for England against Denmark...hahaha...they will most probably meet Brazil next...whoa...hard match leh...

Hahahahhah~!!! Senegal are through to the quarters after winning Sweden 2-1 in OT.

Cool~~ but i think Japan will win Turkey next and meet Senegal. Japan will go on to win and will reach the semis.

Oh yar, yest's cj party was quite alright. J1s all could get in but the place was a bit too small. Too many pple i guess, but anyway the drinks are okie lar, but perhaps too little variety. The music is quite okie until the last part when it's trance...it's still okie wadz...don't know why they want to leave for what, then end up walking to don't know where. Waste time, waste money, waste energy. Could have use the time for better use...like well...you know you know...=p

LOL~!!!!!! Jiji u damn funny~!!! hahah~!! what's wrong with lakers winning the championship?? they rock manz....totally....cool~~ just like you and me ya?? uh huh uh huh....ya ya....and den yeah yeah~!! go cool guy~!!!!!!! go for that crush of yours~!!!! hahahah....she will love you manz~!! 'cos you are soooooooo cool~~

Good music, smoothing songs...light volume.
Neat place, with a bottle of vodka, and coke or sprite, and perhaps lime juice
Baked pancakes, heart-shaped butter, bottle of honey with decorations

Games...those kinds that i like...

and most importantly the mood...interesting...

study is smth which everyone must do...yes!!!! YES~!!! I MUST STUDY~!!!!!!

I can't bear to stay at home anymore. DAMN DAMN DAMN sianz...been sleeping a lot...hahah~~ typical of me mah. Later no matter what i am going out, eat play pool, watch match, perhaps after that if i feel like it, then i shall pay Nox a visit.

Hahah~!! may Nox be raided tonight~!! -evil laughter-

fun leh...

Personally i think anyone is up for the job, as you know what a guy wants and what a guy needs...(sang to the tune of that song...lalalala~~ don't know what song also) so nice, anyone can want, just that who can be the 'nicest'...

actually it's quite simple lorz...

One's cute
One's willing
One's interested
One's wild
One's mysterious
One's so doll-like
One's so pretty

Half times not knowing which one to time for, cos' half isn't half as much as one.

Yay~!! Jason voice me again~!! Hahah~!! I am so sian can...need something exciting to look forward to in life manz...some spark or sort...haven't felt this way for sometime liao...hahah really manz...since 2nd term started, i have been waiting and looking forward to each day where there is smth new and exciting that is going to happen, now's quite stagnant...hmm...don't know why the word kinky just came out...=pp NO LAR~!! wasn't thinking of anything, just saw pink and aiya...don't know lar...it rhymes mah...so like that like that loh...=X

blabbering blistering barnacles...

House is empty now, and i am bored. No one's really online, and i think i shouldn't play around too much. The notes all there to be read and what the hell am i doing.

Not going for the cj party later, no money and a bit no mood to go...surprisingly leh...then i want to watch the England match but Fred don't let me go his house. Damn sianz leh...ARGHH~~ and i don't have lesson today...ex-laopeh ar...you want go out notz? go play cs or smth...and find a place to watch England leh...

hah~ howey can think leh...not many people can actually think to that kind of depth...he actually understands what i am trying to say~!!! =D

DAMN ~!!! shitified leh...said the wrong things yest...realised it only just now when i was thinking back...fark manz...made a fool out of myself...a fool again~~

Hahah~!! watching temptation island now again...exactly the same...hahah...but the show is damn damn damn cool....strangers who met for only one day can just make out like nobody's business

arghhh~!!!!! bombarded with questions~!!! spare me please~!! i am gay~!!!!!!!

hahah~~ orh orh...howey ar...tsk tsk...i know its late lar...

Shitz...i am falling in love with Japs and Koreans...tsk

To my dear ex-laopeh: If you can see this before Saturday 4 plus pm... call me asap about going out...lazy to sms you...hahah...

I miss derek i miss derek i miss him...i miss him~!! Little derek where are you arh little derek where are you arh? -sang to the tune of london bridge is falling down

Listening to the CD given by Rose now...the songs inside are those you will most probably hear at camps. Inspiring ones like power of the dream, reach, i have a dream, etc.

Damn fierce...

Anyway, did a few quizes just now...was a pegusas, a healing angel and some other stuff...

Going to the 'Fame' musical with Jiahui and Khairi, perhaps also with chun. Haiz...don't know where to fork out the money from also.

Becoming more and more a tired boy, sleep a lot today, esp after i came back from the soccer training. Hahah~~ something wrong with my body system liao.

Then don't know whether tmr going for the cj party or not, bcos lao bu don't want me to go, and i don't have the cash as well, so should not be going. Can stay at home do my own stuff also, i also can't study at that kind of time, so most probably main thing is to save money and energy.

Me, is neither naive to many things
Me, is someone who knows of things going on
Me, may never appear to you like how i should be
Me, is someone whom you will not know that well if you didn't make yourself as clear to me
Me, can be this, can be that
Me, is who you are to me


You can almost see what i am aiming at, for i have made myself quite clearly, that i am not those people who live in blurness, and don't know what is going on, to fake and yet know what is going on and yet others can't seem to understand what you are doing in hard to do, i just choose to keep quiet.

No wonder the question came out, just a normal question anyone would ask for a friend. But perhaps the 2nd part i lied a bit, because i wasn't prepared for that. Didn't give quite an answer that i am satisfied with, because i don't know what i am feeling, it can clearly be seen from the answer. However i guess the matured and smart person who asked the question should fully understand the meaning of it, either through interpreting it in anyways or just assuming it like what i think it is.

damn...now i know what i am feeling...and the more i look...the cuter she is...

PRIVACY (needed)

wah lew....laopeh juz came and tok to me about some stuff....dad and son stuff....wth...cmon lor....tis is like so obvious tat there is smth in my room tat i dunno of or they haf juz gone thru my stuff....where's my privacy manz....its like fuck lar....i am a guy can....and so oso stop assuming i dunno wad i am doing...

wth is the capt toking about....capt somemore...

my cable juz dc....wow...hahah....cool manz....everything juz went dcing...

yea....and i got my econs txtbk to study liao....muz mug mug mug for the remaining hols....hahah...1st time using the word mug....really muz manz...

juz got back from chalet....tired manz...came back...den popped into bed till dinner time....

damn....jesse havent informed me of PW yet....wth manz...wad a leader is he? he said either yest or today.....yet i hear nothing from him....win liao

oh shit...suddenly realise how busy i am...need to get my PW done one of these days...don't know when the match will be, then also need to find a day or 2 to study, then there is also the making of cards for our seniors...

there are 2 possibilities...either failing this exam and just stopping everything for a while, perhaps until i got the mood to continue, or passing this exam and getting my cert, which will allow me to work part time as a teacher. Hahah~~ it's been 8 years...just to wait for the day.

the songs haiz....played den got start got end...but the middle part a bit blank out....den the chords abit wrong....damn shit lar....nvm....now cannot do anything oso...over liao....

bye....going to chalet for a while....

well today's organ exam was okie...but i screwed up my songs~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHH~!!!! damn damn damn......the fear is coming back again....haiz....shit shit shit....everyone was so scared loh...and was shaking away...den everyone's worst fears came true....jimmy dunwan to play his 2nd arrangement yet it came out....malisa dunwan to play tomorrow yet it came out...den caixin dunwan to play nagai aidai and it came out oso....den teacher's hoping of a sunny day didnt came true...it rained and it was damn cold...plus the anxiousness....we were all practically shivering and shaking away....

shit...havent been asking qoo how things are...haiz...lousy kor manz...

i hope life gets more interesting...hoping...

thinking back...a person pops out suddenly...and he is khairi. Recalling back, 1st 3 mths, i seriously seriously missed the 1st 3 mths manz...everything about the 1st 3 mths. Remembered that khairi was in t35, with siling, hanna and benjy they all. Didnt know them well till perhaps the 2nd mth. At that time, ra was calling him "kaaliii pok"...haha and he appeared to me as a jovial and someone in track...damn fit and stuff...and i somehow forgot how he get to know me...perhaps is during the t35 bbq...after tat is juz the heyaz here and there part....nothing much...dunno how i really gotta know him tat well oso...can only remember the start of new term...i changed to arts...so i tot i shud be seeing the sci pple lesser...but yet i come in contact wif him even more...every morn....actually is most of the morns lar...will see him at the grandstand....den after tat we both ran for council....get to know him so much better...about all his leadership stuff...but its like he takes it in such a way tat it comes out nice...not like some pple who try to lead and end up boastful...okie so its like work wif him a bit here and there...den guess the trust thingie sorta came out...dunno from where...hahah~~ smth like dat lar...yup...now he is head of CA...good good....=)

Which monkey are you?

haiz....its not as if all words and no actions is shit....u pple want actions instead of words...den wads the use of motivators...i can shout to motivate...however i may not show the same for the actions i do...i can only try my best....yet pple dun like to be shouted at...

sorry if i dint do well enuf for the team...i am not a pro in a certain department...juz tat i like attacking...its in me....i cant help it....if u think i dint help to defend...i got nothing to say....i was asking ong bu to stay up liao...we juz lack defenders lar...and i dunno why a 4-5 affair can get to so many others...even though we are lousy...we can improve oso....its not everything is about winning...if we got enuf players to play...why not let them play instead of asking better players not from the class to play...

fuck lar...who nv play for the team one...who dunno tat soccer is a team game...want to let those pple realise the mistake and let them defend themselves den say who lar...dun juz say 'not like some'...wth...and dun juz judge others lar...everyone didnt exactly played well

relax lar...its not in a serious tone...almost like joking liao can...why get so affected....

ahmad's ass almost got raped can?? haha....

haiz....i really fear for the future...cant really bear to see how they tok and wad they are saying...how spas can they get manz...wads wif the discipline and positive attitude....so much crap....so stupid....i really guess i shall start learning from gary....he appears and seems to be as like someone who is going thru the same thing as me...

our batch of councillors haf clearly displayed themselves as capable leaders...to the extend tat there are too many of them to lead...to be in the exco together...tat only a few represent the whole lot of us....why not try the idea of having more of our capable leaders to go ahead...and try...to gif all they haf...

Dear Andrew, didnt u know that whatever i say here are mostly crap...that entry u took is one of them...i have no serious intention of forming a new department...and seriously its not bcos that i am not in exco den smth like dat comes popping out...okok...it might be the case....but seriously its not...aiya cmon loh...u say u dunwan to read my blog liao...still take my crap and paste...dun comment on my stuff lar...=)

i dun even mind for now and for at least 30hrs that i am not in exco...i haf forgotten and dropped the idea of feeling bad about it...cmon lar...we were all juz discussing...i mean its alrite to discuss...anyway we all work as one council....perhaps even the majority might agree to it...its alrite to change the structure as well rite...and be remembered as well....haha~~ sounds cool leh...

no one can feel peaceful at all times...there will always be worries....always....if not we can all go haf a halo over over head liao....so many things to worry about....just tat all of us keep it deep inside...for wad? to show others tat u are great bcos they got problems and u don't?? or issit to save ur face of embarassing trouble??

i think i am getting the hang of living on my own...that i dont have to give comments, keeping quiet...make my own notes...saying true and wise things only when needed...reminds me of gary....

Jealousy now plays a big part in my process of life. It often pops out of nowhere, without us knowing. Just think of what the human emotions are...how complicated can that get. It can really be amazing that sometimes people can feel jealous without knowing it, it's either that or they are just denying it, but it's more of the former. Desire to hurt? perhaps due to the fact that humans cannot accept, or rather does not like others being better than them. What can i say, i don't want to link religion to this, God and stuff...that everyone is different and no one is perfect, haiya...i just hate this topic, but if smth like this comes out for GP, it will be great manz.

actually deep down i know wad i am feeling...tat...hmm...i gotta reorganise my tots...its kinda jumbled up...but i know wad i am feeling...juz tat the words arent there...it shud be the word waiting...yet knowing the circumstances may be not of the best....but tis kinda things very hard to say one...but i think i haf got my msg across...

if i got the chance to ask...i will haf done so...but the situation doesnt permit me in doing so...i haf learnt...and i know the consequences...no point doing it if i know the ending...yet the happiness and fulfilment in btwn can be nice...i juz dunno wad to do...perhaps i can only say sorry...i supposed i am juz playing along...know myself too well....it aint wad it's supposed to be like...and so i cant do anything...yet how come i am saying all those things...there is this hope...yet this fear...i suppose everything else said is right...maybe not everything...but i am indeed mean...

yay~!! finish one arrangment liao~!! taking a break now....parents and sis went out for lunch...lao bu and sis going to ice skate...hmmz....going to pia my 2nd one soon...gotta finish by 4pm...

its late at nite....woohhooo...guessed i had special training for a few nites...now feel abit tired only..but still can slp liao....

Actually i think i am slowly losing my senses...i don't actually know what i want after just now...it's all just stuck down there...

erm....tis is the song that doesnt end....

erm...got to back track this by 1 week or so i guess...about then i knew it.

Yesterday someone mentioned about getting married. This sets me thinking, that imagining in about 10 years time, how will everything be? You just visualise it yourself. Now, time and again, people go steady and break up, i am sure you all understand what i mean. When it comes to this age when it is suitable to get married, you are with this gf/bf of yours, won't the feeling of this relationship being a short-term one, or rather just a fling comes in? A marriage is a long term event, such that there is no going back, of course not including the factor of divorce, which sucks of course. It's like i really can't imagine myself of now, doing the same things that i am doing now in 10 years time. It's like asking the other half to go steady is easy, they will just agree because most probably they want to try it as well. Well...fast forward to the process of being together for some time...hmmz...okok now i get it. As i am typing the previous line, i guess i got it. Long term... ber and eunice just popped into my head. I haven't actually gotten to that kind of stage. Guess only time will tell.

I just came back home from school, had lit othello make up lesson. Ms Nathan was so nice to treat the whole lecture group to lunch...haha~~ then the pizza guy came with 8 bottles of pepsi and 8 pizzas and some garlic bread. Quite tired...was falling asleep in the bus...but need to go and practise my organ now, and to finish writing my arrangement or else i am really going to get screwed tmr.

haha~~ andrew shows himself as someone who is in extremely close contact to the j2 councillors...always bugging them for info it seems...

Talking to Khairi and Zijie about changing the structure of the council, well...and both of them are quite serious about it...haha...didn't expect that actually...let me, zijie, jingle, yolanda, delaine, vignes, isaring....shit how come all girls arh...must be bcos too many guys in exco liao...and the guys are slightly less than the girls in sc...

We had a match with ex commonwealth sec pple just now. Lost 6-9. But overall we played okie, just think that i didn't play well...must be becos of the past 3 days in camp.

I am okie liao lar~!!!!!!!!!! pek cek manz...haha everyone asking me whether i am okie yet or not...thanks manz...thanks for being around....

haha...realise that a few more pple are reading my blog...don't know who leh...andrew said so...haha...go go...go blame him...but its alright lar...what i am writing is quite hard to understand also...my motto-->Write what i want.

LTC is a hell of a camp. Try it to know it. Try sleeping at 12.30 and waking up at 3.45 just to go for a morn walk, and you don't get to sleep anymore the whole day. In addition to that you had a 5 hrs hike the day before at bukit timah hill.

okok...a review of the 28th SC...

President: Giselle(a girl again~!!)
VP: Dennis
Secretary: Ardiana
Treasurer: Felicia
CA head, deputy: Khairi, Gary
CP head, deputy: Ariel, Edmund
CI head, deputy: Andrew, Yihan
SW head, deputy: Shiying, Minsi

can sense quite a few of us quite disappointed...like delaine, jingle, peng yam, sean...

i was pissed just now 'cos i didn't get into exco. it's okie now.

I am a little teapot, short and stout
kaaBboOoOMMmM~~~

Damn...how can england draw with sweden?? damn manz...didn't get the chance to watch the match though...

Why is it that it sounds like riddles to me? Too complex 'cos there can be so many possibilities. I don't wish to think either.
Still tired from this morning 'jog'. Hahah~~ kaabOooOmm~~ 7am at dhoby ghaut huh.

Tmr got LTC~!1 kAaaBbBoooOOMMmmM~~~!!
hahah hope it will be fun...
and my bag is blardee bursting...

i am writing crap here to fill up spaces...spaces are always meant to be filled up...emptiness as well.

Didn't know that boxers makes you pee a lot. LOL.

What matters most is who the girl likes.

May my LTC be good.

Haha...i am beginning to like _____ really manz...don't know why also...

Everyone is feeling so shit. Haha...life is so good...surely leh...even i am feeling like sleeping for a few days...having sex...feeding myself with junk...

Fooling around too much. Mind can go really wrong.

Today is a lousy day. Quite manz. Ariel and gf got prob. Then Khairi like that. I got prob with the t01 girls. Misunderstanding can. Go ask around 1st before assuming things can. But i sincerly apologised liao. At most i date her another time can. But it's all based on friendship, don't know why you all take it so seriously. What i want to say i say liao...so i am satisfied and happy now.